Blogspired.

A long time ago, young girl was mesmerized by a blog.

A blog of a genius, whose ramblings still make me smile and gain inspiration every time I read it. I still remember the day, it was the day before our English Language exam but I didn't regret the time I spent for one moment. For the next 2 years or so, that blog remained an inspiration to work hard, to push myself further and to dare to dream big. The experiences, the effort behind every success, the strong urge to keep improving oneself and so many more features of the blog made it a sort of Bible for me. I faithfully read and re-read every line and like plant feeding on nutrients and sunlight for existence, the blog fed my soul at a time when life seemed to be going astray. True, I didn't get to do what I initially intended to do, but it doesn't mean that I've given up. My coffee addiction partly stems from the blog wherein the author indulged on copious amounts of caffeine in order to make the most of time which will never come back to us.

To this day, the dream remains, the fire is still burning and the desire to reach that dream destination is stronger than ever. It is this dream which pushes me every time I begin to falter or decrease my tempo, it is this dream that helps me shut out all the unwanted bullshit and narrow down my priorities.

And today I read something similar, but something I could relate with to a greater extent. A genius, no doubt (BMC and JIPMER) with a genuine love and passion for medicine which is reflected in the enthusiasm in the posts about the cases. The single minded devotion, the long journey of a medical student from the final years of UG through PG and to the present have been encapsulated to make an interesting read. As a fellow blogger, it indeed means a lot to see the journey of a doctor through the years..

Reading this blog also reminded me that It's about time I pull up my socks and get back on track to the things that matter. It's important to keep revising old knowledge in order to cement their existence in your brain and at the same time keep acquiring new knowledge everyday to widen your database.

Adios Amigo. :)

Nocturnal Notes.

Back again rather early, am I? Pardon me but I wish to rant and rant I shall because what greater purpose does my blog serve?

Preparations for College Day is progressing well and the excitement is in the air despite a number of students trickling out of the campus owing to the extended weekend. Lighting arrangements are being made and one is reminded of our enthusiasm last year at seeing the decked up college lit up in the darkness. 

Sometimes you let go of your ego and try to build bridges but in the bargain you end up burning another set of bridges. Ultimately the key rests within us, the key to our happiness. We choose what we get affected by. You could say a zillion things and they can bounce away without leaving the tiniest dent. Or the smallest of carefully phrased remarks could leave a scar whose pain sears deep within. It's all in the mind. (Invictus ;) )

Nevertheless, it is important to remember that there will always be naysayers, critics and negativity. Look at the better aspects, accept them, improvise and eliminate the bullshit. Like I've said on earlier occasions, nobody can rob you of your happiness. It doesn't mean you surround yourself with sycophants, it means that you let your conscience decide. At such junctures, it is essential to remember that there are bigger and better things to deal with and it is better to focus the limited neuronal capacity that we've been allotted with on such aspects.

I realized that I've actually grown as an individual and it doesn't bother about what people assume about me. Of course, I haven't developed complete immunity but I guess I've got a strong vaccine against it for now. I can laugh it off because I've realized that it is virtually impossible to convince anybody of anything so I might as well stop trying and just continue with my work. You will begin to feel less hurt when you tie your happiness to goals rather than to people.

In the past 12 hours, I've watched a marathon session of movies that are each beyond comparison.

• The Imitation Game
• A Beautiful Mind (A tearful watch. A definite must-watch.)
• Lincoln (2012) [in parts]

Currently reading:

• The Writerly Life by RK Narayan

It's about time I restart reading the following books:

• Robbins
• KDT
• Ananthnarayan
• KSN

Ah, the bliss of the nocturnal rambler.

Bonded by a common goal, they were entwined as a single soul

February Jitters.

Hello there, readers. I have been unfaithful and this shall hopefully not repeat. 

The sporting events at Subbaiah have (almost) come to a conclusion. We had two days at Nehru Stadium where the track events, badminton, basketball, football and kho-kho were held while cricket, throwball and volleyball for boys and girls were held on the campus itself.

In the week prior to the sporting events, the campus was abuzz with activity, an unprecedented number of students were up at the crack of dawn to practise for the upcoming matches and coaching sessions continued late into the night. Badminton left me weary and tired and the additional basketball practise sessions in the stadium after freezing in the auto-ride had me completely exhausted and fatigued. But the funniest thing is despite the sudden increase in physical activity, I had trouble falling asleep and several nights were spent tossing and turning or pondering over ways to better my game. You could say it was a mild obsession to change the outcome of the match compared to last year and nobody believed it more than myself.

D-day arrived and events unfolded in an unexpected manner. Newer, better players had surfaced and I realized that there are miles to go before I get there. Yes, it's never easy to take defeat but eventually you'll have to take it in your stride. I gave it all my effort, but surely, I could do better. Because it certainly seems hard to digest the fact that I've given my best and I can't do better than that. 

PPK, Jeslin and I. Baddie Day!

Be that as it may, moving on to basketball, the first match that we played was fairly decent and both teams played in the spirit of the game. We won thanks to Pragathi managing to score in the last quarter of the game. The final match turned out to be a pathetic flop show that looked so bad that it was actually hilarious. An absolute disaster though it was, the plus side is that we contributed 1 point to the Mavericks.

On both the days, after the sports session, I indulged in a hogging session either at Cafe Chillax or at Goli with a round of Golgappas (they seem to have become a part of my staple diet. I've had golgappas 5 times in the last 10 days!!) 

The very next day after all these sporting events was Cultural Day 1. Scheduled for the day were Drawing and Sketching, Mehendi, Pick and Speak, Debate and JAM. The turn out was a lot lesser compared to the previous year all thanks to the mass exodus of students to their hometowns assuming that these are "vacations". Nevertheless, the show had to go on and we had to conduct the show for the participants who turned up. Debate was well attended and there was considerable interaction from the audience. The topics were Euthanasia and Groupism in colleges. 

Day 2 began with Rangoli at the footsteps of the college and this was followed by Hairstyling, Face Painting, Quiz Prelims, Singing and Antakshari. The latter turned out to be a crowd-puller thanks to active participation from the faculty (RK Sir was in his element).

Day 3 was the much awaited saree day. Basically an extended photo session. :)

Group Pic :)

Quiz finals was interesting and made us think. But it also was a wake up call to brush up on my fading quizzing skills. We came a close second but the best part was the pic we managed to get with Vaibhav Sir. ;)

1. Company that manufactures the largest number of tires?
2. What does the wave form in the Cisco logo signify?
3. Connect: one bill of laundry, one half read novel, phone number of one girl, one important paper,the heart king from my playing cards, one ring of silver,one pocket and one denim jacket, two passes of a one day match, and brand new sunglasses.
4. Synonymous company of Sri Kalyanram Iyengar whose product is authorised to be sold solely by Vijaya Bank
5. The story of Aravinda Pillalamarri and Ravi Kuchimanchi, the NRI couple who returned to India and developed the pedal power generator to light remote, off-the-grid village schools inspired which movie?

• Happiness is when two minds think alike and one voices what the other wishes. 
• Joy is when old memories come back in the form of old friends walking back into your life.
• Awkwardness is when one fails to wriggle out of a situation and hence remains caged in the circumstance.
• Distance is felt when memories become a burden and you begin to forget the little things.
• Tolerance is when you don't care enough to be rude so being nice is but natural.

Currently "determined to be depressed". Reasons are plenty but the most prominent of them might have something to do with the upcoming calendar of events. XD 

Sometimes I wonder, what is the purpose of frivolity? I don't mean one must maintain a poker face and a grim outlook towards life. What is the purpose of temporary tomfoolery?But then again, everybody has their own mantra in life. For some it is "Live in the moment" or "Live for the moment", hence consequences of one's actions do not play a prominent role. Ultimately, I wish to have a balance between the two. Life for the moment but make those moments memorable for eternity. Patience is a virtue I have had until now. Sanjana's words will remain in my mind for a long time to come; the sweetness of a laddoo is best enjoyed when one waits until it has cooled down. Being hasty only results in a scalded tongue. :)

I've often prided myself upon the fact that my face seldom betrays my emotions but it has recently come to my knowledge from several unrelated sources that my face is an obvious mirror of the thoughts wreaking havoc in my mind. Now this is a deeply disturbing fact and it must be rectified at the earliest.

So glad that Pa finally found the time to watch PK! Here's hoping that he'll begin Sherlock very soon. Happiness is when you text your family after what seems like ages and actually "chat" with them.

Books are waiting to be opened and it's about time I pick up where I'd stopped. Time waits for none and opportunities favor those give their best. My peers in other colleges are considering research opportunities overseas and here I am with no headway with regards to career. 

• Listen to Grammy award winning "Winds of Samsara" by Ricky Kej on Youtube. A beautiful watch with melody to accompany.
• Read the book "Life is what you make it"  by Preethi Shenoy on Atthe's recommendation. A really good read which made a lot of sense. Hope to read more of such books in future. 
• 'Invictus' by William Ernest Henley is a beautiful and powerful poem.
    

Out of the night that covers me,

 Black as the Pit from pole to pole,   

 thank whatever gods may be   

  For my unconquerable soul.   

   

In the fell clutch of circumstance 

  I have not winced nor cried aloud.   

Under the bludgeonings of chance   

  My head is bloody, but unbowed.   

   

Beyond this place of wrath and tears   

  Looms but the Horror of the shade, 

And yet the menace of the years   

  Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.   

   

It matters not how strait the gate,   

  How charged with punishments the scroll,   

I am the master of my fate:

  I am the captain of my soul.

Abhii

Icabooo

Adii 

Seeya folks! Be back sooon! :)

It's Been A While #2

Hello there readers! It's been awfully long and I've missed the clarity of thought offered by the blogosphere but there's been so much going on lately that there's barely any time to spare.

First there were the internals which seemed to go on for a nightmarishly long time. Sleepless, caffeine induced nights, harried days and a sense of relief mingled with some disappointment after each paper coupled with a bout of cough and cold induced by chillin' on the chilly stairs during some unearthly hour. But there seems to be a marked contrast compared to last year when I was a LOT more nervous, a LOT more high on caffeine but perhaps performed better.

After the theory papers we had practicals and viva-voce where we were gruelled on the knowledge we had gained (over a very short span, no doubt) and after this we were free! Pharmacology and Microbiology went normally and so did Forensic Medicine despite my serious misgivings (my preparation was mostly based on the group study we did the night before the practicals but I guess that was good enough). It was only in Pathology that they took great pains and a lot of care to sarcastically point out how moronic we were and how our concepts were shaky and so on. Nevertheless, that too came to an end and after this, we were homeward bound!

The bus journey back home was one of the horrible-est so far thanks to the bouts of nausea that Nammu and I suffered from. I probably irritated a lot of people by texting them how exactly I was feeling but finally I found the antidote: some loud, pumping music proved to be effective. (But as it happens, such genre are scarce in my playlist) At long last I was home and it felt like the best thing Ever!

Di's first response was to peer curiously at the prominent gash on my face for a few seconds. In fact, for the next few hours, she spoke to the gash more than me because she was so surprised by my altered face. Nevertheless, MaPa were rather relieved after seeing it because they had imagined the worst when I told them there was an ugly scar on my face. (One of the reasons for me to decamp to B'lore were the incessant questions as to how such a thing happened to me! -.-') 

Ma was a lot better but with restricted mobility due to the cast in her foot. It's sad how even a small twist of events can lead to drastic changes. A small slip, an unexpected fall, a fracture, prolonged rest for a few weeks, plans thrown out of schedule. Alterations, accommodations and adjustments to cope with the changes. 

The next day passed in a sleepy haze and I was woken by several friends at midnight when they called to wish me. Yes, I had reached the big Two-Oh. 2 decades of existence on this planet had been successfully accomplished. Not mere existence, but definitely something worthy, and most definitely something more worthy lies ahead. But a little something kept nagging me at the back of my mind. The next morning I woke up to the chorus of "Happy Birthday To You" emerging from the kitchen, Di being the star singer. Only your younger sister is capable of being more excited than you are on your B'day! (Akka, eat more cake, it's your B'day; Akka, there is a party for you in the evening, it will be a big surprise for you, okay?) And then the collages, the cards and gifts that made me cry because it was all so unexpected given the circumstances. The collages from my childhood, the stole that Ma knitted, the ring which I wanted (after I lost my ring last year) and every little thing made me burst into happy tears that left my parents alarmed and Di baffled for a few minutes. Post this, we had the customary visit to the temple and I was just beginning to wonder if some friends had forgotten it was my B'day when the answer presented itself in the form of a knock on the door. I opened the door and Voila! It's Sanjanaa!! And then, everything seemed right again! My happiness knew no bounds and now it all made sense. It was all part of the plan and MaPaDi knew it all along. 

Then there was a short meet with Pingi at CCD followed by some last minute saree shopping and the evening culminated with Atthe, Mama and Nidhi coming home with a cake and everything. All in all, a great day, thanks to every little gesture, wish and greeting.

In the next few days there were plenty of gaadi scenes, (which was a good thing since it's important to be in touch with riding in B'lore traffic) including one to V'nagar. And at long last, it was time to get back to our "nest". After the train journey as the auto made its way to the hostel, for the first time, a new feeling crept in; the feeling of "being back home" which is a strange feeling indeed. 

The college has been abuzz with activity over the fest. Basically there are four teams (Mavericks, Xenobz, Ravens and Nighthawks) and we compete against each other to win the final trophy. Everybody is training for their respective events and the competitive spirit is in the air. The past few days have been unbelievably exhausting given that I'm playing Baddie against strong players such as Icabo.

It also a moment to express my anger against certain atrocities or rather despicable acts committed. Thievery cannot be tolerated. My money is the hard earned money of my parents and nobody has a right to take it away without my knowledge. Ugh.

Currently extremely happy because I have not disappointed Icabo in Patho. :P *PraiseTheLord*

B'ball practice tomorrow at the crack of dawn, so I guess it's time for me to bid adieu!

Current playlist:

• Aahatein: Ek Main Aur Ek Tu
• Junoon by Abhijeet Sawant
• Mera Jeevan Khora Khagaz by Kishore Kumar

Toodles. :)

New Year, New Beginnings. :)

Internal tension is in the air, with less than a week to go and a zillion things to be read, understood and reproduced, coffee is once again in demand and the library is packed to the brim!

In the last week of the last year, the population in the hostel gradually thinned and dwindled to a steady number. My unquenchable thirst for chocolate prompted me to win a Flappy Bird challenge after spending several fruitless hours over that annoyingly addictive little bird. Traveled home on New Year's Eve, had the most uneventful beginning to the new year (Err, I slept off! Oh come on, I was exhausted after the early morning journey, the shopping, hogging, mall hopping session (with my favourite uncle, aunt and cousin) after a sleepless night) and the rest of the days passed as usual. Unexpected turn (or rather, 'fall') of events resulted in restricted movement in the following days. Anyway Di had holidays too, so it was we could finally catch up on Bheem jigsaw puzzles, swimming session and Shloka classes.

New Year, New Spring of Life, New Hopes.

One thing I realized is kids have amazing auditory grasping power. As children, we learn through what we hear. No wonder I learnt the songs, shlokas and Shasthriya sangeeta easily back in those days when I really didn't refer the books much. Since Ma couldn't make it to the Bal Vihar class, I agreed to teach the little ones the craft that she had started and prepared myself to handle a gathering of hyperactive kiddos. But things turned out quite differently and the "Bhagini from Shimoga" didn't really have a lot to do because of shortage of supplies and paucity of time. 

Blossoms in the Terrace Garden :)

We'd been to Sapna and I (obviously) could not return empty handed, so I got myself:

• Complications by Atul Gawande (A US based surgeon writing about his experiences as a surgeon)
• A pretty little notebook (NOT A DIARY, MIND YOU! -_-)

I also had the honour of meeting up with Gimpi for a precious few minutes (under the pretext of shopping). We gawked at the long haired lanky vehicle servicing idiot who chose to ignore us because we were ugly morons, we (or mostly, I) scared a poor old man at the restaurant who made the mistake of sitting beside us by talking about my Oh-So-Amazing college life and the various species inhabiting our college. I couldn't hide my laughter because the old man's eyes very nearly popped out as I went on and on about the many facets of life in Subbaiah. Something I didn't realize until I was retrospecting much later was how the "Uncle" topic never surfaced! :P 7 months ago, that's all that we seemed to speak about. Lol.

Unprepared for Selfie, Therefore a Footfie. ;)

Speaking about lol-worthy moments. Looking back, I have never failed to make a fool of myself at every juncture in life. It began with Teletubbies, Little Ladybird (from those neighbourhood boys) Floppie, Pinkie, Psyduck (from Syko), Corn/Maize (from the other green house leader in 7th standard), Pigbrain (from my arch rival in 8th), Creature-Thing (from Shamie the Sheepie the Maidha) ... and here too, there are several names to my kitty; Puppy (by Icabo), Julie (by Figo, propagated by Nammu maám), Pig (by Froggie) and Jaz (by BP). It looks like being dignified, graceful and sober is still a distant dream for me! -_-

Looking back at a lot of things, I feel I could have done things differently, but I probably wouldn't, because today, they all make bring a smile on my face; I feel that maybe, just maybe, I'm evolving for the better (even if it's still on a microscopic scale)

No year begins without a few plans, without a few goals in mind. This year too, I've a few plans to follow, few promises to keep and few pitfalls to avoid. :)

Apart from that, Life is progressing swimmingly well. There comes a moment when you feel a happiness for the simple reason that there exist people who understand you really, really well! Be it Bhopiee (What with our plans to meet up in the NCT in the next 6 months by saving 5K, her complete analysis and understanding with my bare minimum explanation), Gimpi (My anchor to remind me of who I am when I conveniently begin to forget :') ), Icabo (Sense and Sensibility) or Abhi (Soul Sister. :) ), they make be feel that any obstacle can be overcome, dark days can be tided over and they radiate happiness like sunshine on a bright day!

Reach Higher Goals! :P

The day we lose the ability to dream big, the day we don't dare to achieve greater heights is the day we sell our souls to the Ordinary and Average. Maybe I'm being foolishly optimistic and starry eyed, but never ever give up on your dreams, never let difficulties bring you down and never stop aiming higher. Of course, Life isn't going to be perfect, but that shouldn't ever deter you. :)

Sometimes, just sometimes, all I want is Peace of Mind. Of course, still want the "bigger" things, but maybe one day the scale will tip over to the little things. Oh, I don't know. Maybe I should just go back to books.

This is why Robbins is beautiful: One may get so close to the tree that they may lose sight of the forest. :)  And this is when he's talking in Anaplasia about how the benign growth may go undetected even when you're looking at the neoplastic adipocytes under the microscope because they resemble the normal adipocytes so closely. It's only when you step back and look at the discrete mass of cells that you realize it's a lipoma.

Seeya! It's probably going to be a while before I get back to the blogosphere again. Toodles, dear reader. 

Horror Autotoxicus

"Literally, the horror of self-toxicity. A term coined by the great German bacteriologist and immunologist Paul Ehrlich (1854-1915) to describe the body's innate aversion to immunological self-destruction. However, as we now know, the immune system can upon occasion attack itself and does so in the autoimmune disorders."

Basically, Ehlrich discovered that goat erythrocytes from a different Goat B introduced into the Goat A can trigger an immunological reaction but Goat A's erythrocytes cause no such immune response in itself. This is because your body knows what "belongs to you"and what is "foreign" and responds accordingly. Sometimes, our mind too works in a similar fashion; our brain chooses what belongs (or rather who belongs to us) and eliminates other irrelevant characters. Which is why we find ourselves dwelling only on a limited number of people like our family and circle of friends. Everybody else is eliminated. We focus (or atleast we should) focus on the things that matter. 

The human body sometimes fails to recognize a foreign body and treats it as its own (example when the HIV infects the T helper cells in case of AIDS). Often, we make errors of judgement and fail to eliminate irrelevant issues from our mind and hence affecting productivity. In some other occasions, the body fails to realize that a certain protein or antigen is a part of its own system and unknowingly attacks and eliminates it. The lens protein of the eye is one such example which when exposed during any surgery, can result in phacoanaphylaxis (immune response where antibodies are produced against the lens protein). There are times when we fail to realize the importance of people in our lives and unknowningly eliminate them. (This is just randomly compiled nonsense because I decided to study MicroB today. Don't know if this made any sense.)

Another amazing thing I did today was read Forensic Medicine (for the first time) and not fall asleep in the process. According to the author, KSN Reddy, a cognizable offence is one in which the accused can be arrested even without an arrest warrant issued by the District Magistrate and this is only for few specific crimes such as murder, rape, dowry death, or any rash/negligent act. But this is so untrue in the Indian setting. How often, arrests are made without any warrant because the accused is ignorant of the law or is unable to defend himself. There are times when the ones who are to protect us are the ones who are to be feared more because of their misuse of power. We live in a country where corruption can make the right man punished, while the one to blame walks away. Trust me, It isn't uncommon to see an honest person in custody all because someone had a grudge against him and some officer's palms were greased with a few crisp notes of paper bearing the photo of the man who stood for honesty, integrity and non violence. Ironic, isn't it?

The year is ending, it does not do well to dwell on the bad times. Let me hunt for better things to write about. Music has been therapeutic, to say the least. Got several new songs to my playlist:

• Axwell Ingrosso: Something New
• Kelly Clarkson: Dark Side
• Christina Perri: Butterfly (lyrics! :) )
• Ed Sheeran: A Team
• Carrie Underwood: Blown Away
• Taylor Swift: Everything Has Changed
• Imagine Dragons: Demons
• OneRepublic: Counting Stars (popular in the hostel right now), Good Life
• Beyonce': Halo, Best Thing I Never Had
• One Direction: Steal My Girl

Adios, dear reader! :)

Here's wishing you a great year ahead. Every year has its ups and downs, every year teaches us something new, something to remember for life. Every year, we meet new people who will make an impact on us. Every year is an opportunity to make more out of our lives. Here's to better times ahead in 2015. May you work harder, may you reach your goals, may you face the tough times with grace, the good times with care and live life to the fullest and without regrets!

Price To Pay.

Life works differently for different people. Everybody has their own equations in life. Everybody has different rules by which they lead their lives. To each person, to get to their destination, they must chalk out their own path.

Sometimes, Life decides to play with you. Sometimes, Life decides to test your endurance. Life decides to put you through the obstacles that once made you stumble and fall just to see if you can rise up again, just to see if you can handle it, just to see if it can break down your dreams, goals and ambitions.

Each time you go into battle thinking that this will be the last time, telling yourself that there will only be good times ahead after this, convincing yourself that a wonderful life lies ahead but you are utterly mistaken.

Some things will always be a part of my life, I might as well get used to it. I guess I should never ever fall into the false sense of security that life will be okay. It only makes life harder to bear when bad times rear its ugly head at you.

Perhaps I am at fault for believing that things are okay, perhaps there is a price to pay for having fun, having a good time and for daring to dream about good times.

They say that there is a rainbow at the end of rain but I've realized that in my life, there can only be phases of balmy sunshine in between the persistent storm.

What hurts is the fact that you'll have to go into battle alone. What hurts is the fact that your intentions are doubted, your integrity is questioned and nothing you say will ever make sense.

Here's praying for better times ahead. The last thing I can handle is the horrors of the past resurfacing.

Back To December #2

Is this the post where I go on about how this year has been phenomenal, how this year has been a roller coaster ride, how there have been ups and downs, how I've learnt new things, made new friends, had new experiences and evolved as a person? No. Because that would be too cliche' and I wouldn't want to bore you with details of every mundane event in my life, especially after blogging about it extensively.

Basically, I crib about how nothing ever works out the way I want it but eventually I realize that it's in fact a blessing in disguise. Deemed to be Desired by the Deserving.

Currently on a mission to fall in love- (Watched PK recently. {Oh, I like that song! "I want to waste my time"}) -With Robbins (I don't like the way you think, idiots.) [Icabo has sufficiently inspired and instructed me to read Robbins] and slowly I'm beginning to agree with her; he (Robbins) has a subtle humour and you can't help but start liking the book.](Confession: Tissue repair didn't seem as fascinating as it should have due to deprivation of caffeine.)

Recently remembered the existence of a subject by name Forensic Medicine and Toxicology. Hence, need to attend to this too apart from Pharmacology {a name game with 100000000001 drug names that seem so simple and clear but 3 units later Amilodarone (anti-arrhythmic drug) and Amiloride (K+ sparing diuretic) sound too similar for your comfort, Metolazone (thiazide like diuretic) and Chlormezanone (skeletal muscle relaxant) make you wonder if you actually know what's going on} and Microbiology {where we're reading up about several cute bacteria [Cute but Killer. Clostridium tetani is this seemingly innocent looking bacilli that can cause deadly gas gangrene, food poisoning, enteric collitis and something else I can't remember right now.] since they're done with Immunology}

I've never truly appreciated the beauty and potential of Sanskrit. I regularly listen to a few prayers that I find effective in instilling me with confidence but recently chanced upon a few more tracks that made me feel that there is some power released, some cosmic energy that is generated that soothes my nerves, calms my frayed brains and tries to direct me towards a state of equilibrium. 

The hum of Sanskrit shabdas (Ramah Ramau Ramaaha....) seemed like a monotonous drone in the beginning of Sanskrit class in high school. But when I decided to entertain Divya (who was then about 3-4 months old) with the same chant, it transformed into a lilting lullaby and brought about a serenity in minutes in an otherwise bawling baby (conditions apply: not always!)

Do I see Gimpi in Icabo or Icabo in Gimpi? 

Hasta La Vista. :)

Give me some Anxit.

Hey There! :)

It's that time of the year where I dream of distant snowflakes and glittering lights upon Christmas trees, festivity in the air and the spirit of Nativity everywhere but that's just a figment of my untethered imagination.

College is progressing as usual. Medicine postings have proven to be interesting and informative and we see patients everyday. We get to take their histories, inspect them, palpate for any abnormalities, percuss for any dullness and auscultate their breath sounds (for ronchi, crepitations, etc) and heart sounds (normal heart sounds and murmurs; if any, we also heard gallop sound in a patient with cor pulmonale)

But sometimes, it's a little awkward (in my opinion) because it's about 25 students surrounding a single patient as the doctor examines them. Privacy is not something the patient can hope to have. And upon that, if any abnormal breath sound is detected, God forbid, we take turns and auscultate to hear the sound. Of course, we can learn only by doing this, but when you think about how you're inconveniencing the patient, it does prick you. After all, how would you feel if you're feeling breathless and weak and a bunch of students jab their steth in your chest to listen to the specimen of a sound your body is producing? I concur, this is how you learn, but there is also a downside to it. 

Another aspect that touched me was how much trust the patients have in the doctor. The doctor is a Healer, the one who rids them of all illness, the one who gives them the good health and in the patients eyes, the doctor's word is final and accepted without question. Most of the patients who come to Subbaiah Hospital are from nearby rural areas (which is an advantage because they're more compliant and allow us to examine them which wouldn't happen so easily in an urban college) and a large percentage is not educated. The trust they place in the doctor is something great; it has to be earned, over time, by reputation. There was this patient (80yr old male, Tuberculosis) and the Doctor convinced him that by allowing us to examine him, we would be able to provide better treatment to him (which is not entirely true, but examining him would enable us to diagnose other TB patients in future). 

Another thing we've begun is a visit to the wards every night post dinner. These sessions are proving to be interesting and informative and we're getting to learn new things everyday. We basically see the case sheets, take a look at the medicines prescribed (and Google them to know more), see the blood reports, case history and talk to the patients and identify any signs of their symptoms. The highlight was when saw a one day old baby and held it in our hands as it slept blissfully, saw the clot removal of the mother and watched the pack removal in a hemorrhoids case (that was too many things for one day! :") )

So I'm familiar with a few drugs now:

• Rantac, Pantodac, Omaze: Antacid
• Buscopam(Hyoscine): anti spasmodic
• Emiset(Ondansetron) (Anti-emetic): For Vomiting
• Bandy Plus, Albendazole: Antihelminthic- Deworming related
• Deriphylline (Bronchodilator): Given in Asthma
• Xone, Taxim: antibacterial
• Lupichlor: Diuretic
• Sporlac: Given in case of Diarrhea
• Silicar (Clinidipine): Anti-hypertensive
• Doxy: Antibacterial
• Diclonac (Diclophenac): Analgesic (NSAID)
• Tiniba: Antibacterial again, antibiotic

Actually, there are so many more, but these are some that we see very commonly so I could remember these..

Today was particularly interesting. Giving IV Injections is the new task to be mastered (but first, we've got to become guinea pigs for each other before we can be able to give it to the patient).

Extremely happy in life after we (Abhi and I) went shopping yesterday (NUTELLA is my saviour, my knight in shining armour, the sole love of my life) and as always, hogged nicely at BPP (Bhatru Paani Puri) and chatted for what seemed like forever. :')


If you aren't there for the people who matter to you, what's the point? Currently confused and disoriented, Haven't spoken to Di in ages. How I wish I lived in Bangalore. *sigh*

There is pressure, to perform, to better oneself and be good in the profession we have chosen for ourselves, because, finally, you're going to be by yourself in the end. There isn't going to be anybody to whisper the answer to you when your patient asks you the same question that your teacher asks you in class. There isn't going to be anybody to help you out to read the ECG, or identify what is wrong in the X-Ray or tell you that the breath sound is slightly diminished on the left side, that there is a murmur indicating mitral stenosis. And this thought is daunting indeed. 

You are nobody until you prove yourself and become Somebody by your effort. I've realized that between that point and now, there isn't going to be any cheerleaders to encourage you, none to tell you that you have it in you and nobody but yourself. Be it family, friends or random strangers, you have to earn that respect, that comes with time, after dedication, determination and practice (Pun intended). And it appears daunting..

Ït takes a great deal of courage to stand up to our enemies but just as much to stand up to our friends"- Albus Dumbledore (Neville :D )

Sometimes we have to walk into the battlefield even when you know you're going to lose it. Vaibhav Sir (referring to a situation where the patient might go into DIC [Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation] and will most likely bleed out and yet the doctor inevitably tries all possible measures to stop it). What is also difficult is watching your friend walking onto such a battlefield where winning is bleak. Yet you staunchly stand by them, hoping for a miracle.

Game of Thrones is an interesting concept. Watched the initial half, Wikipedia-d the rest of the story because I realized I didn't want to be watching it.

Currently addicted to a few Kannada songs (yes, I can't believe it either!):

• Jiya Theri, Jiya Meri (No it's not a Hindi song)
• Hoovina Baanadanthe (after listening to Gimpi's soulful rendition)
• Sangathi Thandeya.. (randomly)

And then of course, there's:

• Aa Zara (Sunidhi)
• Tum Mile (The title track of the movie)
• Clarity (once again!)

Plans of rising early and visiting the wards exist so it's about time I bid adieu to the blogosphere. 

Statutory Warning: Mere use of medical terms does not imply that one is studying to the necessary potential. It merely implies that one is typing random nonsense and hence you are advised to switch off and sleep like a lamb.

The Secrets Within The Mountains.

The snow pattered gently on the rooftop and inside the rickety house, a fire crackled with occasional spurts and hisses. Huzaifa stoked the fire with a twig every now and then but her beady eyes rested on the door in the hope of his arrival. Her porcelain like skin, sharp aquiline nose and piercing brown eyes were mostly masked by the veil but through the little gaps of the cloth, it was evident that she was a woman of striking beauty.

He was always unpredictable. He turned up when she least expected it, when she was least prepared. Each time, there was a change in him, in his persona as well as in physique. With each passing visit which had no pattern or predictable timing, there was an increase in the creases on his otherwise flawless face. The uncertainty of their future manifested itself in the form of a perpetually worried and wistful look. His beard lay untamed but it nevertheless gave a rugged appeal to the lanky man from the mountains.

They grew up together in a remote village in the snow clad mountains of Kashmir, forgotten by the rest of the country, hidden from the vagaries of Time. In their childhood, the snow clad valley was their playground; the trees and mountains were testimony to the years they had spent chasing each other amidst the wild flowers, nettled brambles, mountain goats and gentle peaks. No one knew the clandestine friendship that blossomed between Huzaifa and Aamir better than the pine trees which had sheltered them on many a winter nights.The streams and brooks knew their stories, the birds of the valley sang in harmony for the two youngsters as they grew up in the midst of uncertainty and volatility.

The youngest daughter of a local grocer, Huzaifa was a bright girl and had studied in the local girls school until it was shut down after an attack by the militants. Since then, she had immersed herself in all the books she could procure from her brothers. Although her parents had always encouraged her to study, allowing her to do so in another city was out of question. Yet, the desire to learn, to acquire knowledge and see more of the world outside was alive within her. If anybody understood her yearning and aspirations, it was Aamir, which was ironical, considering how he never cared about education himself.

Aamir, on the other hand, had had a rough and wild upbringing, living the summer months on the mountains as a tour guide and decamping to the valley during the winter months to work on the orchards as a farm hand. His mother had died during the birth of his younger brother and his father was an alcoholic; ill-tempered and seldom sober. Aamir was the main bread earner for the family and education was never an option in his world. Yet, throughout the years, he listened with rapt attention when Huzaifa shared her knowledge with him, be it the history of India’s Independence, the geography of Himalayas or even the stories of Akbar and Birbal. Perhaps he too had an innate thirst for knowledge or perhaps it was the lilting melody of her voice and her animated expressions as she described what she had read that made him listen to her without batting an eyelid. Every afternoon, they met by the stream under the shade of the deodar, where she enlightened him about happenings around the world which she grasped by surreptitiously scanning the day’s newspaper while he processed them and pondered over the consequences.

Over the years, Huzaifa blossomed from the bright eyed school girl to a tall young woman known for her quiet demeanor and intelligence while Aamir transformed from the unkempt and untamed boy into a mysterious young man, known for his disarmingly good looks but with an aura of danger around him. Although there was a charm in him, his eyes couldn't mask the secrets that he withheld. The bleak winters that followed year after year had instilled a melancholic air to his countenance and he often spoke of the vagaries of living in a land in perpetually in turmoil and terror. His eyes often betrayed his loyalties and glinted the anger he suppressed within himself. Abandoned by his family, forsaken by society and existing on a meagre income, the sole oasis in his barren desert was Huzaifa. Rumors were rife in the town that he mingled with shady characters, his whereabouts were unknown for days together and when he arrived unannounced at her doorstep, it set tongues wagging in the neighborhood.

Over the gentle patter of the snow, a single sharp knock echoed through the room. Her invalid mother was asleep in the adjacent room while her father was at the store. Huzaifa froze for a moment and rushed towards the door. It was always the same, the single sharp knock; nothing more, nothing less. She struggled to contain her excitement; it was over a month since his last visit. His last visit had left her in a state of turmoil after he had questioned what was to become of them in the future. The parting embrace left her in no doubt that there was to be an answer and that too, very soon.

The door creaked noisily as she slid the latch to welcome her beloved one but she found herself pulled into the arms of a stranger. Three men dragged her out of the house and within moments she was sneaked into a car waiting at their doorstep. She was paralyzed with fear and her squeaks of terror were muffled by a cloth to gag her. The car revved up and winded down the lane and rushed through the silent streets before anybody could detect anything amiss. Through the mountain path, the car trudged along for what seemed like hours until they reached their destination.

Huzaifa stumbled out of the car and was led into an old bungalow. In the distance she could see that the building was guarded by numerous men armed with rifles and the desire to use them. Her pleas for an explanation were met by murderous glares by the men and she resigned herself to the worst. Her worst fears had come true, her suspicions were being confirmed and she knew that she must face the inevitable.

They walked through a dimly lit corridor until they approached an ornately decorated oak wood door guarded by an armed man. The men exchanged significant looks and slowly led her through the door. What she saw next was a heart wrenching sight and she blinked back the tears clouding her vision and choking her voice.  Aamir lay on the ground, weak, emaciated and bare-chested revealing angry red whiplashes over his skin. His eyes were bloodshot, his face was bruised and blistered and he was in pain; he twitched and withered every now and then in agony.

Their eyes met. In the dank and dilapidated room realization dawned upon her as she continued to look vacantly into his eyes that sent out a plea for help. The answer to the questions that had nagged at the back of her mind was now crystal clear. The rumors that she had once dismissed with conviction were true beyond doubt.She looked questioningly, he bowed his head apologetically. She gave a minuscule nod in agreement and he shed a silent tear out of regret for the impending doom that awaited them. Her eyes searched into the depths of his; seeking his loyalty and he assured her through those unsaid words that he owed her his life.

The men began to speak, in angry voices, often shouting over each other to be heard. They accused him of betrayal and there was a price to pay for it. He had claimed to join their radical group, in support of a select group of militants and had been included in the inner fold of the sect until he developed cold feet and deserted them. And for his actions, there was a price to pay. They had discovered that Huzaifa was the one person closest to his heart and knew that she was the way to avenge the treachery. It was either his death or her suffering. The answer was obvious; neither saw the purpose in life without the other. 

As a last savage act of cruelty, they handed her a mirror and she lifted her veil. He grimaced and looked away to hide the tears that burned through his cheeks and she smiled sadly at her reflection for the last time. She tried to imprint the memory of her face before the acid scalded the porcelain skin that he had thought would be eternal. She whimpered in pain and the men walked away since the deed was done.  She writhed in agony while he embraced her through his calloused and blistered hands; they were finally united, in pain.