Awargi

Back to the blogosphere after ages and there’s just SO much that I want to talk about. At the same time, it just feels good to be voicing all my mundane thoughts. It feels like I’m throwing my words into outer space, where they’ll remain for eternity, unchanged and untouched by any soul but merely as a memorial of the wandering thoughts of one convoluted brain.

So where do I begin?

We had our practicals, in ENT, Community Medicine and Ophthalmology which required some of our questionable clinical skills. The hardest part was to maintain even the semblance of composure for these practical exams lest we confirm the suspicions of the examiner that we are a lot more clueless than we’d like to admit.

ENT began with us unable to identify our findings with certainty but the examiner had decided to quiz me on Maxillary and Nasopharyngeal Carcinoma instead of my case of Bilateral Ethmoidal Polyp. As always, my identity and background was examined and scrutinized, my answers were met with sarcasm and derision despite the few answers that could pass muster.

Community Medicine was fairly uneventful. I was not too disappointed with my viva and I’m glad the examiners were of better temperament than we had anticipated. One of the female examiners though, did not respond adequately to any of my answers. Now, this is a far more worrying concept than the external shaking her head in disagreement or openly condemning you for a lousy answer because here she’s leaving you in the dark; you could be right, you could be way off target but she won’t really let you know which one. -_-

And now for the draconian subject that has always ‘eyed’ me with disdain, which has always threatened to obscure my vision and has often left me in tears; Ophthalmology. True to the guidelines of the earlier batch, we had to take 2 cases each in groups of 2 but we had to face the examiners alone. So I entered the lion’s den, turns my rapid answer convinced her that I had found out the questions from the earlier students which enraged her and she subjected me to a series of questions for which I couldn’t answer adequately and thus inviting more ridicule and mockery. At this point she asks me ‘So where do you see paralysis of Orbicularis Oculi muscle?’ and despite being a fairly simple answer, I couldn’t provide the answer she was looking for. After expressing her disappointment, she proceeded to the next question on Iris Shadow at which point, I interjected with the enthusiasm of a little kid that the answer to the previous question was Lagophthalmos.

Now the last time I did this, the Pathology external was quite pleased. But this lady here only had to remark on the speed of my lagging brain which further dampened my spirits and basically stimulated my lacrimal glands once I got out of the interrogation chamber. Luckily, the rest of the examiners were atleast more approachable and receptive to our answers. And at long last, 3rd year had come to an end.

After some dinner, I boarded the train to Bangalore and it was time to shop, chill, sleep and basically be an enthu cutlet. On the 11th of January, MaPaDiMe set off to the airport and we took the flight to Port Blair. As always, there was and probably will always be some childlike enthusiasm about take offs and landings. Di sketched a little and made a friend on the flight while Ma and I had a lot of topics to catch up with and Pa caught up with his sleep. Once in Port Blair, we checked into the North Reef and proceeded to the Cellular Jail (Kaala Paani) (I SWEAR I’m going to blog about it separately.) and then to Corbin’s Cove. At Corbin’s we took a boat ride to a small island (the size of lecture hall 1 mebi) and then got back to Cellular Jail for the light and sound show that described the rich history of the place and the struggle of the freedom fighters incarcerated here.

The next day, 12th of January, we spent the morning in the Zonal Anthropological Museum taking a sneak peek into the lives of the tribals (Jarawa, Nicobarese, Sentinelese, Shompen and so on) and their living facilities which were recreated. We also spent some time picking up memorabilia at a local gift store and took a short visit to the aquarium. After lunch, we proceeded to the Port area and boarded the Makkruzz from Port Blair to Havelock Island. After a pleasant 1.5hour journey, we landed at Havelock where we stayed at Symphony Palms , a beautiful property with access to the beach. While MaPa sorted out some accommodation glitches, Di and I just had to rush to the beach and the cool blue water was a treat to the eyes. We spent the rest of the evening by the beach and watched the golden moon appear and its rippled reflection on the water. I realized there are somethings that we probably can’t capture with lens. The beauty of that moment, the happiness at such a beautiful sight and every sensation that adds up to the experience; atleast my phone could not do justice to what I felt but I don’t think it matters because that experience is etched un my memory.

The following day, 13th January, we took a fairly rocky boat to Elephant Island where we indulged in water sports. PaDiMe ventured into snorkelling which requires one to master the art of breathing through the mouth and keeping the lips clamped shut to prevent entry of water.

Alas, dear readers, I shall have to bid a temporary adieu at this juncture. I will be back soon with many more exciting stories to regale you with. As I embark on a new adventure, I hope to see more, learn and gain from this experience. (:

Hello From The Other Side.

Hello there :)
Happy New Year! Another year, another chance to learn, grow and live better than we used to. Perhaps nothing really changes, but if it makes us sleep better at night, then why not? We created the Gregorian calendar, we’ve divided our days into weeks and months and on one decided day, we decide that it’s time to herald the New Year. Of course, no harm done so it’s okay to believe in it, after all the human psyche is impressionable.

But here’s something that has never rankled me. Perhaps you can thank my upbringing but I never seriously (I might have considered it, albeit in very mild tones) been in doubt about the existence of a higher power. It’s always something I’ve taken for granted, something that doesn’t deserve proof or something I’ve been able to believe in without testing its veracity. I’ve never had to defend my beliefs or look at it in the eyes of pure logic and rationality. Perhaps it isn’t the most scientific belief, but it has never been a topic of scrutiny for me. Some say it is a mere placebo, some say it is the ultimate truth. Perhaps it is none of them, I have never felt the need to question something so intrinsically ingrained in me.

Maybe I am delusional but It is a delusion I will be happily accused of it, because it is one of the things that keep me grounded yet gives me the courage to dream further. An endlessly debatable topic, I will have to lay the matter to rest here with this:

To each, his own, To believe or not believe is a personal matter. In my opinion, at no point must our beliefs (or the lack of it) come to affect others in a negative manner or create inequality, discord and unrest among ourselves or even ensnare us into practices that are neither purposeful nor practical.

On a drastically lighter note, I happened to watch the movie Kirik Party recently. Although it is much more relatable to the engineering students, it has its fair share of good moments about friendship and a thing or two about life.

Had been home for a few days and Bheemi is becoming a better friend every time I see her. I wish I can always be there for her to talk to, share her thoughts and give her strength and courage if she were ever in deficit. I’m thrilled to bits about the upcoming family trip!

Here’s a clue: Think out of the box. Or should I say, think out of the triangle? :D

I overthink. I obsessively overthink. I do what I think to be right at that moment and I compulsively overthink knowing that it has no bearing and knowing that I’d probably do things the same way given another chance.

All we need is to know (from ourselves or anybody who’d bother) that it’s okay. With all our eccentricities, idiosyncrasies and unique traits (Yeah, they all mean the same thing, but I’m trying to make a point here.-_- ), that I don’t have to join the rat race, the bandwagon and the stereotypes that people seem to swim in. That we’re going to be okay just the way we are. If that comes in the form of a friend or family, it shouldn’t matter; At least not to me.

 Practical exams are coming up and I think it’s about time I freak out, head to the library, pick up a book and figure out what I’m going to do in the next few days so that I don’t get on the wrong side of the examiners.

This year has a lot at stake. Knowing how I tend to press the panic button at the slightest hint of crisis, I just hope to give it my best keeping my sanity intact. Plus, I really want to see a healthier version of me. :)

Adios Amigos. :D

Sane Or Psych Ward?

Finally done with the theory exams of 3rd year! What with the flies, mosquitoes, discharging ears and squint-inducing ophthalm topics, the past few weeks have been crazily hectic coupled with a befuddled brain. I hope to God it goes well because I don’t remember ever attending a big exam without the bare minimum of shut eye!

Now that we’re done with one part of the examinations, the much more fearsome and irksome practical awaits us and before we know it, we’re going to be in the formidable Final Year. It’s scary, now I come to think of it, but there’s also excitement buried and waiting to be excavated. My goals are fairly simple this year (oh wait, I’ll make another post about that some other time) and I’ve got to keep it going!

 Rumi — 'Somewhere beyond right and wrong, there is a garden. I will meet you there.'

Now that’s easier said than done. Is it convenient to turn a blind eye to black and white and view everything in shades of grey? Or do we perhaps complicate life by assuming that the hardest route bears the sweetest fruit? (If I’m quoting from a Hindi movie, clearly I’m in need of some inspiration   -__-)

To be honest, I thought I had a lot to blog about, but I don’t quite know how to phrase the myriad thoughts within me. We meet innumerable people in this journey, some remain for a lifetime, the others bid adieu at different junctures. Ephemeral or eternal, everyone you meet is a chapter to add something new in your book.

Something to be learnt, sometimes a lesson, sometimes a mere frivolity; but something nonetheless. When you look back, no chapter matters more than the other but all that matters is how good is the book of your life.

When I thought about it, I realized this was actually true in my case. Back in school when I was hooked on to Samaneh’s and later to Aditi’s blog, I didn’t realize the impact that they’d have on me. To me, they symbolized a whole new world. Their thoughts, likes, dislikes and views on everything from music (Regina Spektor) to caffeine addiction became points of interest to me. I’m not saying I imbibed from them, but I just got to know about so many many more things. Perhaps I wouldn’t have spent so many hours every night reading up all the MIT student blogs, perhaps I wouldn’t ping people randomly asking my lame doubts, perhaps I wouldn’t have spent all that time building castles, but perhaps I would never ever know that such wonderful minds exist, such ground-breaking research takes place in another continent, and there’s so much more to life than the little bubble that we confine ourselves to.

I’ve got a zillion new movies (and a million of them are ‘Must Watch’) so it’s time to unleash the movie connoisseur within. Also I got a few new books from Sapna recently:

• Short stories by Louisa May Alcott
• Short stories by Tagore (2 different series)
• PG Wodehouse 
• MCQ book for supremeselfcreepification

On a positive note, I’m glad to bring to the notice of the readers:

• After a lot of work and reworking efforts thanks to Shamir, the people at Kommune liked my work and they’d want to pursue this at a larger scale.
• The Quora Blog, Poignant Painter is dedicated to all junior artists and they’re now working on their most ambitious project yet: A blog to book venture which might feature a poem or two. :)

Landed in Bangalore after a touch and go experience. Did a preliminary round of shopping and then settled. Met Sanjana after nearly 6 months and we had a wonderful time discussing and catching up on all the loopholes. Though it was probably our shortest meetup, there's nothing like quality time spent with Sanj. :)

Coming to the songs I’m currently hooked on to:

• Blank Space and Mental Manadhil (ě Vox)
• Lehrein (again! -_-) 
• Can’t help falling in love (Listen to the Hailey Reinhart version)
• Aahatein (EMET version)
• Bang Bang by Nancy Sinatra
• Kho Gaaye Hum Kahaan (I even tried singing it but it sounded like a nursery rhyme in my dull monotone.)
• The most popular song of Chris Isaak (I said listen only -_-)

Until then,
Toodles, dear imaginary readers. (:

Just Go To Hell Dil

Little one, stay away from the flames 

Said the older, wiser soul. 

The warmth that you seek shall only burn

He warned the curious child.
The blazing glow that she seeked, 
Left her singed and scorched in a pile of ash.
Perhaps there is a pleasure in this pain
She wondered, as the fire consumed her.  

It was only after the sting of burning embers
Scalded her untouched soul, 

Did she seek solace in a place within. 

Academics is progressing at snail's pace with lots more to do on the agenda.

Happened to watch Dear Zindagi yesterday. I didn't think I'd do it either. 

Interesting.
Tats.

Honestly.

The other day BP and I had been to the city for some purchases and the usual round of hogging. As we indulged ourselves with some golgappas near Laxmi Galaxy, we saw identical twin girls, about 5 years old, emerge out of the building. One of them was sobbing incessantly while the other remained fairly unruffled. The pitch grew higher and the wails grew longer as the child wept with no restraint.

Watching this little girl cry with so much gay abandon filled me with a sense of happiness albeit with a pinch of salt. Childhood was the time when one could cry their lungs out without a care in the world. A broken toy, a fight with the new kid on the street, Amma’s sharp words or Appa’s anger; all of these and more could elicit a shower of tears. But as we grow older, we are taught to remain placid and composed even in times of crisis. With age, we learn the art of concealing sorrow and converting it into bitterness that manifests as wry humour or a cynical attitude.

Here was a girl crying over a toy or a new dress. Nobody shushed her, nobody thought her to be ‘weak’. She would eventually stop crying, sniff a little, wipe her red nose and forget about it. Soon, she will smile with all the happiness in the world because she has nothing gnawing at her from within. What have we done to ourselves in the name of ‘growing up’? We bottle the hurt and bury the regret until it finally chokes us with its weight and we are left gasping for breath from everything we have been holding on to.

Break away from this bondage. The next time you are upset, take a moment for yourself. Don’t stifle yourself and drown in the pool of despair you create for yourself. Free yourself from the shackles you place around yourself; learn to let go of everything that you’ve been holding on to. It’s okay to shed tears. You don’t have to mask your emotions for the benefit of the world. You deserve to be honest to yourself.

Experimental Evidence.

So this post is going be vague but I’d still like to go on anyway.

Mysore for the weekend and we (BP and I) stayed at Abhi’s place after sudden plans. We had a great time around Mysore. Highlights include ADHM, walking along a birdy Lake, climbing Chamundi Hills and the spine-chilling Well of Death!

The Well Of Death is basically a death defying stunt where bikes and cars move perpendicular to the ground in a circular well aided by centripetal force.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wall_of_death

I’m also super obsessed with the movie ADHM that’s managed to generate a lot of interest. I’ve watched the movie twice and I think I might go in for a third viewing. I’ve also been interested in understanding how people perceived this movie which explains why I’ve been reading a zillion reviews including one from the Pakistani News baron Dawn about how Fawad Khan was unfairly given lesser screen time compared to Ranbir to another that calls Karan Johar a fraud for romanticizing self-harm and abuse. Yes, I’ve been reading a lot of opinions and none of them seem wrong, there’s some truth in all of them, just as there is some truth in the movie, as far-fetched as it ends up.

I’m also super thrilled about this weekend even though it’s going to be yet another ‘flying visit’ but wedding bells in the family finally! :)

I've begun reading Manga and I realized how it seems like another universe altogether! Somehow, I never got around to reading Manga or watching Anime (even though Nirupama was a big fan and I had heard about it..) so I decided to undo that mistake and get a brief intro into this new realm and it look to be an interesting medium of storytelling. :) 

I’d also take this opportunity to make a mention to the sanest statement made by the fairly insane AyKay when I was glorifying my (un)saintly deeds. A simple “Do you need a medal?” made look at the lighter side. Speaking of (ir)rational experiments, I am proving to be of better scientific temperament *cough* than I anticipated. :’) 

Toodles,

Surgery Tomorrow, FYI *shrieks*

Thinking Caps On!

When you really have truckloads of work to do but your brain is screaming with thoughts waiting to be unleashed on unsuspecting readers!

A fortnight ago, after much ado over the lackluster network in the outskirts of Shimoga, Pinki and I got talking; not just the usual rants about life, learning and love. Not even about all the QTs around her in Sonepat and the lack of em’ around me but something that we both probably knew was coming.

What began as a harmless debate over the freedom given in her hostel (for visitors; male and female) quickly spiraled into a heated argument over the concept of ‘free will’. The premise is that I have no right to question anybody for any of their actions; right or wrong.

To be honest; it wasn’t easy for me and it probably will take me some time to wrap my head around the concept. It might surprise many that it took my so long to come to this conclusion; but hey, better late than never! However, I did realize one thing; one very important thing: I cannot impose my “principles” or “moralistic views” upon anyone. I can have them, follow them or forget about them; but it isn’t right to expect the same from anyone, no matter how much or how little they mean to you. Every individual has their own take on what they intend to do with their life; to me, my take might seem appropriate but it is wrong as hell to expect others to fall in line with my take. I can't be the "moral police" to anyone. Here again, I had some conflicting thoughts given my career stream or maybe my nature (I still can't decide) . I can't "not care". I still probably will. Just not aloud..

The way one chooses to lead their life is an informed choice every individual has; one can’t question that or make their choices for them. It’s almost like the whole Engg/Med Vs any other profession debacle that many young adults have to face at some point. However, things get murkier when it comes to lifestyle choices. We have a lot of preconceived notions about a lot of things; sometimes owing to our ignorance and sometimes because of inherent bias that we have come to accept.

Here’s what I have to say: QUESTION

Question yourself. Question yourself for your beliefs. Why do you believe so staunchly about it? Do you blindly follow it like some of the rituals that you practice without understanding the meaning? Do you believe in it yourself or is it the herd mentality that you are aping? Or is it parental pressure that is forcing you to accept it?

Question yourself until you reach the end of the road and you have an answer; until you are able to justify to yourself; yes, this is why I am doing this. If you don’t have that answer, maybe it’s time for some reconsideration?

It may be with respect to the company you seek, your religious/spiritual beliefs, your take on alcohol, tobacco, drugs or sex. At the end of the day, if you’re satisfied with the answers that you give yourself for what you choose to do or not to do; then nothing else matters.

Personally, this helped me. I do think I could reach an acceptable answer for a few things, and for a few others, I realized that I hadn’t clinched it yet.  That makes for an another story! 

These are my two cents; I’d like to know your take on this for once :)

Loose Ends.

I haven't had this contentment in a long time. The outcome is irrelevant. I feel so glad to have done something with interest today after what seems like forever. I honestly wish the same motivation persists.

ENT End Posting Test tomorrow!! Let's hope I can blabber something logical tomorrow.

Recently watched a fine work of cinema, The Prestige. A star studded cast, the riveting storyline will keep you engrossed but what will throw you off balance is the macabre climax. :)

This is why I love the rain: 



It is unlikely that I will blog with the existing gusto in the coming days since the Lappy will be on a vacation for a while. So here's a parting piece (of nonsensical mumbo jumbo) that I will leave you with. :)

Question.

The timeless dilemma persists,
Generations have faced the same,
And yet the eternal enigma exists.
Perhaps it is Fate's twisted game.

The answer haunts tantalisingly close,
Yet there is solace in the arms of obscurity.
When imagination gives wings, reality shall dispose.
Perhaps this ambivalence is my only security.

This aching resemblance to the past,
Reminds me that my 'perfect' may never last.
But if I could only ask a 'why?'
Are you the ugly truth or a beautiful lie?

-JSR

Ciao :)

Rhapsodies In The Rain.

The mesmerising scent of the pure Earth,
The tangible freshness of the air,
The hesitant quiver of young foliage against the wind;
The overcast sky was poised to perform.

Tender drops glittered down in grace,
Even as the skies opened up with renewed fervour.
The nascent buds bloomed into a vibrant rhapsody,
Even as the seasoned trees embraced the ethereal showers.

The unwritten cue for celebration in some,
The song of monsoon is an eloquent hum.
Droplets condensed into a rapturous shower,
And Nature was ensnared in the arms of the heavenly power.

To some, this magic remains a stormy downpour,
Its chilling pleasure they may never explore,
The emblem of a raging tempest for the ordinary,
Is the stamp of an exotic dream, albeit momentary.

I was a bit skeptical about this one but it's actually got some veiled references. I'm trying to show how the rains can hold Nature under its spell. I want to potray that  people can experience the same monsoon weather and feel differently. To one, it is a celebration of their love. It seems that the rains are euphoric about their togetherness. To the other, the rain is but a reminder of a painful past. The same thing can mean different things to different people.

Brain Fry

Here I am blabbering much earlier than expected but what can I say, it seems like the best thing to do. :)

Sometimes you curse Fate and wonder why you end up in situations you’d happily forgo but before you head in that downward spiral, take a moment, take a deep breath and take it as a wonderful opportunity. :)

It is the easiest thing to judge people for who they are , their looks, their actions, their social standing (to this burgeoning list add this as well: their clothes, their footwear, their popularity and preferences on Facebook or Instagram and of course every useless bit of detail that we can devour on!). In fact, it is most convenient to do that in order to make yourself feel more important or make others feel that they are less important, but one often forgets that in the process they are merely selling their own souls. How does it matter what ABC does in their life? If we have descended enough to bother about it and pass opinions on it, it is indeed a sorry state of affairs of our own lives.

Am I propagating a pious and holier-than-thou attitude? No. All I’m saying is, rise above the pettiness. Atleast try. Rise above inane gossip. Judging others for their misfortune does not make you any richer. It’s not about how nice you are to the people who you need in your life, it’s about how you treat the people when they need you, it’s about how you treat the people you don’t see eye to eye with. Of course, that’s the hardest, isn’t it?

Am I saying that I have reached this point? Not at all. Known or unknown to us, we are all a part of this saga to variable extents. It would be a pity to make this trait our most prominent feature. Surely, one can do better than that? Surely, we're meant for much more than this? At least , that's what I'd like to believe.

So that’s enough of philosophy for now but my point is how I’m so glad that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, always a silver lining in the cloud and always the friend who tell you that you deserve better. :) Here’s to the friends far and farther (and maybe a little near :) ), to the ones who matter and to the ones who know your worth.

OhBiJee tomorrow. Tata :)