Bliss.

Bliss.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Alexithymia.

People who are overweight and do a lot of emotional eating are more likely to have a hard time identifying their feelings – what psychologists call alexithymia. —R. Wolever, B. Reardon, & T. Hannan, The Mindful Diet, 2016

Today we had a session on Transplant Surgery by doctors from Apollo Hospitals Bangalore. The first speaker Dr. Sandeep, gave a brief intro about the liver anatomy, pathology of cirrhosis and grading of Liver Failure based on Child Pugh Score and the MELD score which are all used to decide whether and when a patient needs a liver transplant.

Next, we had Dr Mahesh, a transplant surgeon taking us through the transplants that they conducted at their hospital, ranging from cadaveric donors to live donors, from cardiac and liver transplants to Pancreas and Kidney Transplant (for Diabetic Patients with Renal Failure) and even the rare (but possible) Small Bowel Transplants. We were shown several videos of how the set up for a transplant surgery looks and several surgeries in progress.

Lastly, but most importantly, we had the awe inspiring Dr. Bharat Dubey taking us through his journey from King George, Lucknow to AIIMS for his post graduation and currently at Apollo where he is a Cardiothoracic surgeon who regularly performs transplants as well.

Peppered with inspiring anecdotes, surgery videos and the occasional self indulgent photo, he gave a short but memorable journey through the challenging road of cardiac surgery.
 From complicated MICS to LVADS, from Arterial Switch Operations to LVADS, he explained several procedures and finally concluded by a video of cardiac transplantation right from harvesting it from a donor, establishing a green corridor for the transport, the transplant itself and the sinus rhythm on the ECG monitor post transplant.

It was a wonderful session that reminded me that I was pursuing no ordinary profession. :)
To sum it up is this quote that Dr. Bharath shared as he encouraged us to dream bigger and how the medical profession is constantly evolving hence, we can expect further developments in the coming years..

"Set a goal to achieve something that is so big, so exhilarating that it excites you and scares you at the same time."

Reason.

Do you ever look for a reason,
When you stand in the rain,
To welcome the first shower of the season
As the hesitant drops splash across your skin?

Do you really need an excuse,
To explain the appeal of the waves?
How the sea is your eternal muse,
And why the blue sea is all that your heart craves?

Do you ever care to ask yourself,
Why the mountains hold you under their spell?
Breathing in the intoxicating misty air,
Why, in the snow clad peaks forever you could dwell?

Then why do you look for a reason,
To explain the mind's unfathomable ways?
To your own conscience it is a treason,
To demand answers for what the heart says.


Tuesday, August 15, 2017

If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad.

Hey, I'm just quoting Byron! I'm pretty sure my sanity is debatable anyway. :')

My thoughts seem to clamour for attention as I type this. It remains to be seen which of my useless thoughts will make the final cut and feature in this edition on Moody Murmurs.

As I trudge along 2017, work seems to be 'insidiously' piling up with intermittent attacks of panic and occasional bursts of inspiration.

The other day I was studying Paeds (which is just a cleverly disguised name for half of what we would cover in medicine along with several paeds specific topics) and this thought hit me as to how fortunate we are. The sheer amount of diseases and disorders that we read about is overwhelming and sometimes you think.. what are the odds? It feels like you're sitting on a ticking time bomb. Honestly, this is not the worrying thing. I think what causes chills down the spine would be to think how lucky are the ones that matter to you.

At the same time, you also begin to appreciate the advancement of medical science, the availability of treatment for what was once rare and 'incurable' and above all the resilience of the human spirit to fight, struggle and thrive against all odds.

So we're coming towards the end of Surgery postings and we have seen several cases in the OPD and wards and a few surgeries as well. Last week we saw the resection of a GIST ( GastroIntestinal Stromal Tumour) by hemicolectomy (and they also put a 'staple' and anastomosed two ends) in an octagenarian lady that lasted for nearly 5 hours (I must confess I didn't last that long!)

So yesterday Daddy sends this message saying its been 1460 days and I got quite nostalgic thinking about how the past four years have been. I was in half a mind to do this nice long post on how much I have learnt (or failed to learn) in these four years but don't you worry, readers, good sense has prevailed upon me and I will not traumatize you with my recollections. In any case, It makes me chuckle at my own stupidity (whether then, or now, is left for Time to decide)

Okay, so I can't keep quiet. I am thrilled to bits and excited about October. Why, you might wonder, is this annoying woman excited about October when its inches away from the finals. Well, I am probably a little 'Psych'ed about it. :P But there are pressing matters ahead, such as Paeds Internals and yes, of course the Divisional Round of Iap quiz at Sims.

Will there come a moment when you will have to settle? Settle for what you get? Accept what you are dealt with? Embrace 'reality' and make do with it?

There are times when you do so. When you thank your stars for the good fortune you have been bestowed with. And there are times when you fight for what you truly want, for where you really want to be and do everything in your capacity to make it a reality. The result wouldn't matter, because you would atleast have the contentment that you gave it everything you had.

As I grow older, I begin to appreciate my family for the childhood they gave me. For feeding my curiosity with endless books, from thought provoking brain teasers to summer camps, from expeditions to Cubbon Park, Cariappa Park to allowing me to paint on the walls of badige mane at Koramangala. Weekends were at Vasanthnagar where Thatha gave me Ravalgon, Ajji fed me Rasam Rice glowing in ghee, Nidhi and I hosted 'weekly shows', Mama took me on bike rides and listened to my 'Patti Cutting' while Atthe treated me like the intellectual I never was (bless my delusional soul). I wish I could do even a quarter of that for Di but all I can do from this tiny village is ask her to tell me any five facts on Independence Day. But her interests are poles apart from mine. She is much more interested in Art and passionate about animals and birds in a way I can only imagine. While I can sit back and appreciate the beauty of the bird, she will not hesitate to feed it, entertain and cajole it to sit on her arms while I quaver in fear (and psittacosis hello?!)

On another note, it is disarming to see how people are quick to jump to conclusions about the practice of allopathic medicine. Members of my own family believe and follow Homeopathy and even a certain 'Naturopathy' while blatantly generalizing the medical profession to be a money making industry. It is hard to combat such claims and it is only going to drain your energy as you explain how logical investigations are necessary to confirm your diagnosis and are not always a money minting mechanism. *sigh*

So I started with Breaking Bad and recently watched Se7en, a disturbing thriller. As for exercise, I don't think it qualifies. :o

I've started with Nothing Lasts Forever by Sidney Sheldon but it looks like the Purle Road will get repaired faster than my completion. -_-

I've been listening to my favourite kind of carnatic music in the mornings. A mix of old and new, a blend of East and West and pure bliss indeed.


Hiraeth.

He took the detour off the highway,
A route ingrained though he had been away.
A familiar pathway emerged in a while,
The memories of the journey brought a smile.

How could one forget the map to their happy place?
He wondered even as the wild bushes left no space.
Clearing through the wild grass and untamed brambles,
He knew he would find the house of his childhood rambles.

In hope did he cut through all the thorny barriers and angry weeds,
Beyond it was what once felt like home.
Yet the new sights that greeted him,
Convinced him that memories cannot be brought back to life.



Cya later readers!
Xoxo

Monday, August 7, 2017

Demons

So we had the prelims and an eventful final to the IAP quiz in our college and it looks like Abhi and I (along with Gt and Pavithra) will be going for the next sub divisional round.

This Saturday we had our first Paediatric Surgery class and it was quite interesting thanks to his narration of several cases he has seen in his career and his witty remarks. Postings in Surgery include the OT visits for Varicose Veins and Hernias. We see cases of Solitary Thyroid Nodule, Obstructive Jaundice, Carcinoma of Colon and more during the OPD hours. Last Monday, I had this seminar on Blood Transfusion and I had to talk about the indications, procedure and precautions involved in it. Thankfully it ended without major mishap.

Currently read the Catsex book which doesnt seem to end. Happened to have the misfortune of watching Jab Harry Met Sejal.

Another wedding in the family. Another cousin off the list. Another stressful time for my family. Another reason to dress up, show up and help around. Another chance for the father to panic in pessimism. Another day, another gathering and another couple begin a new life. (I should stop getting dramatic)

Demons

They crawl out of hidden corners
Emerge from underneath the bed
They know when to strike
They know you better than you ever will.

They hide stealthily in the sun
Only to sneak out in the dark nights.
They agree with Fate and Fortune,
But taunt you for everything you once aspired.

They watch your actions in silence.
A deafening silence that hurts.
And reminds you of who you are,
Instead of who you think you are.



Ain't no filter to save the shit I do
Sometimes, I wish I could be a better person. Someone who would spread positivity, who understood people well, helped those in need without their asking and dealt with differences in opinion with more grace.