Bliss.

Bliss.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

This Or That.

They say I think in binaries. 0 or 1. Black or White. Good or Bad. Necessary or Unnecessary.  I see no in between, no intermediate entity. I have always had clear cut definitions. I don’t like blurriness; be it in my vision or in my perspectives. This is how I’ve always been. Do I want to change that? I don’t think so. That perhaps explains the uneasiness that gnaws within me.

There is so much I want to do. Am I really working in that direction? Or am I just working and waiting for everything to miraculously materialize? Ugh, I don’t know where this is stemming from but I’m feeling a lot of discontentment about myself. Is it probably inversely proportional to how ‘happy’ I momentarily feel?

I pride myself for my ability to not be influenced by the choices of those around me. It is one trait I hold close to myself hence, I’m pondering if I am consciously responsible for my actions or have I been influenced by those around me, willingly or unwillingly. 


Gokarna, March 2017 with Abhi and BP.

I don’t have the answers to any of these. I know I think too much, trust me, I don’t like it either that my brain keeps churning out such inane rubbish in the midst of an Aortic Aneurysm and I tuck away these thoughts in a tiny cubicle in my brain, assuring it that I will open the Pandora’s Box once I get the time to blog about it. :)


I want to talk a lot more but I don’t know if this is the medium to unload all my burdens, but it makes sense to reflect to oneself instead of somebody else because you will eventually hear an opinion, an advice, a suggestion or better still, a similarity in thought. All of which is unnecessary when all you need is a mirror. A plain mirror to lay the bare truth in front of your eyes; with all its ugliness, its scars, bruises and perfect imperfections. And that cannot come from anyone but me. (To cut a long story short, I find it as important, or probably more important to understand myself, consolidate my thoughts and be a whole person by myself than anything else. 

Or is this defensive attitude stemming from my fear of being influenced by new ideas and thoughts? 

What is nice may not be necessary and what is necessary may not be nice. 

In the end, nothing matters except what you believe in, what you stand for and what you do.

Subtleties are always better. I could write a million lines on everything I can imagine, which a far more powerful tool than reality is. I want my imagination back. I find much more beauty in metaphors, in an indefinite entity than in the raw face of reality. 
Maybe. 

And that reminds me;

http://scienceblogs.com/mixingmemory/2006/07/17/the-cognitive-science-of-art-r/

Read under ‘Perceptual Problem Solving’. I remember reading those very lines in VS Ramachandran’s Emerging Mind.

On an unrelated note, the marriage seems to have bitten the GRS family cousins as 2* more have fallen for the trap and wedding bells shall be ringing throughout this year. 

Jogging everyday hasn’t helped in physically (Let’s be honest :P ) but it certainly elevates my mood and automatically trashes all the clutter that I tend to attract with a magnet. -_-

Can’t wait to meet my super-achieving Minnulli over this month end (hopefully). :)

Bye Bye Old Faithful :)

(Trust me I’m not a raving lunatic who fondly addresses a virtual entity and distances actual people who listen to her. I just like me more.) 

Monday, March 13, 2017

La La Land

Hello from the other side! :)

So I’m currently in Medicine Postings and we’re getting to see some good cases. A few days ago, I got a chance to remove the pleural effusion from a female patient and it was quite interesting. It’s not often that the Prof offers a chance to do it and you end up draining about 450mL of fluid from the patient’s lungs. So it was basically a 3 way apparatus where one can drain the fluid and then direct it into a container with the turn of a knob. So it was going well until I suddenly began to feel a lot of resistance while draining the fluid. In cases of progressive Pulmonary TB, there’s a lot of fibrosis in the lung parenchyma making the drainage slightly tricky. Usually giving corticosteroids would prevent fibrosis but this is a double edged sword because it could flare up the inflammatory reactions.

So at one point, the pressure I exerted to push the fluid into the container caused the pipe to snap out and spill some of the liquid. Now, this isn’t what you’d expect in your first attempt so I was naturally worried but when the same incident repeated under able hands, the culprit was identified to be the faulty device and replaced by another and the procedure was completed.


In Medicine, there are going to be 100s of procedures and this is just one among them but there is trepidation, excitement and happiness at having done something new.

Saturday, however, was another story altogether. One thing led to another and I began taking a case with the help of my batchmates.For some godforsaken reason, I didn’t think I would end up presenting it. I don’t feel like elaborating on it, but let’s just say that I felt absolutely inadequate about myself. I need to pull up those socks soon to improve. In my usual twisted logic, I’m glad I did this, because I now know how much more I need to know. Atleast I’m one of the “If you never try, You’d never know” kind of people. (Not always, but atleast in this context! :P )

I have so much to read, I’ve got an OBG seminar coming up and results coming sooner than I’d like. Why can’t the pile of exam papers EVER get burnt so that they’d pass everyone?! Atleast once in this lifetime? I hope nothing changes.

12th March 2017. Cheers to a new experience. :)