Bliss.

Bliss.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Ho Hum

I have to state that this post will have no value add whatsoever. It's just me exercising my freedom of speech, freedom of rant and freedom of cynicism.

So now that my cough seems to show signs of abating (yes, I've finally learnt to titre smaller doses of cough syrup), I am in a far better state of health. The annoying thing is when you're down with a fever/cough you don't want to go to the OPD because you tend to think; hey should I really go for something trivial like this, maybe I can handle this myself. Except the cough needs better antibiotics, so yeahh.

Wayanad is not happening after all and after a few days of moping around, I've come to accept that we have a lot on our plate at the moment so perhaps it was not meant to be.

We do see a lot more cases in medicine postings these days,
  • A case of fibrocavitary lesion in the right upper lobe due to reactivation of tuberculosis in a middle aged chronic smoker.
  • A case of hydropneumothorax and swelling of limbs with h/o tuberculosis treatment.
  • A case of syncopal attack in a middle aged patient of Aortic Stenosis and Mitral Regurgitation.
  • A case of global aphasia and hip fracture in an elderly patient after h/o fall but recovered after a few days.
  • A case of alcoholic liver disease in a middle aged woman.
  • A case of emphysema with h/o ischemic heart disease in an emanciated elderly patient.
So we have a marathon of internals coming up in the next 2 weeks. After that we'll hopefully have some sort of study holidays until our exams.

My policy has become it is better to be asleep than to sit up and think endlessly. I'm not saying its working great but I think I'd rather not be entrapped by the web of worries I spin around myself. It's been one year and I ask myself have I become any wiser? Have I changed for the better or worse? You imbibe the good, ignore the bad and remain true to yourself. It's safer to avoid these questions and plough on.

To be honest, I feel, education is no prophylaxis for stupidity! Wisdom comes from practical knowledge and common sense, not something that poring through endless books would teach you.

Successful people are not the ones who never make mistakes, they're the ones who aren't afraid to make mistakes but also pick themselves up and get back after a fall.

Another thing that I've realized is that its important to discover yourself, work on building your strengths, develop better communication skills and have good hobbies. Somehow, at the end of the day, you should be able to hold a good conversation, have a good set of friends to share your best moments and have a sense of humour. Or atleast, retain some 'spirit' in life no matter how hectic or gruelling your schedule will eventually be. Because, at the end of the day, why do you put yourself through all the rigor? To lose enthusiasm in life? Of course not! Nothing is worth that.
Bottom line: Learn to stop and smell the roses. :)

So we watched snippets of this Telugu movie Arjun Reddy (don't worry, I still have my prejudice against the language) and we had a lot of fun poking fun at the blockbuster movie that seems to have got rave reviews for its depiction of 'raw reality'.

I also watched the Good Doctor from the makers of House MD and yet again another stunningly attractive set of doctors are busy saving lives peforming complicated surgeries and having a great social life a la Grey's Anatomy except there is an autistic doctor with Savant Syndrome also in the fray.

Songs on my mind include:
  • Build it better : Aron Wright
  • Seetha Kalyanam : Suraj S Kurup
  • O Rangrez (from Bhaag Milka Bhaag)
"That's the thing. I don't think I kind of believe in deep down. I kinda think all you are is the things that you do."

Sunday, October 8, 2017

pre Monday Morose Musings of a Medico

Maybe I should make a To-Do List of all the things I want to blog about before I commence because I actually have many musings to put down.

Anyhoo, Last week I made what will probably be the last Bangalore visit for the year. The journey to Bangalore was actually good. I travelled by the morning train after quite a long time and there’s nothing like a some rainfall, pleasant music and a good weekend to look forward to. It was Di’s Birthday so we had the usual cake cutting and balloons kind of party.


On our return journey, we happened to strike a conversation with two college girls travelling to Shimoga as a part of the ball badminton team from Maharashtra participating in the nationals.

I definitely had a good experience trying to converse with them in my defunct Hindi (“Aap Kahaan se Ho? Nagpur ke saamne? Wahaan ke Orange acche hai na?” and other cringeworthy moments.) Furthermore, they were from Chandrapur , Sevagram and other areas in the interior of Maharashtra and were travelling together for the first time. With great pride, the recounted how one of their seniors selected from a previous such Nationals tournament later went on to join the Olympic team. With their education being funded by a scholarship, they get good support from their family. Most of the compartment uncles asked for their story in turns and gave appreciative nods while the aunty beside me underplayed the whole scenario. (“Swalpa nu English baralla alva? Nagpur Orange enu chanagiralla, Chikmangalore oranges eh chanagiradu.” and other face palm worthy moments).
While Shimoga was inundated with heavy rains the same evening, here’s hoping those girls go far ahead and shine. :)

This week has been hectic to say the least. Getting back to college, we had to finish with the OBG end posting which was taken by Arathi ma’am who had a LOT of questions.

After the Surgery internals were announced (which clashed on point with the South Zone Quiz), we had some running around and letter writing to do which were all duly rejected until further intervention from the Psych Dept ensured that we would take the internals with another term a few days later.

After this came the BNET quiz for which I didn’t really prepare but tried to read up on some Anatomy and our present portions. While I barely scratched the surface of Anat, I must mention how I felt quite happy that day because reading from BDC brought back some memories of Vasudha ma'am explaining the structure with the brain in hand. I really wish I could go back to her just to listen to her teach!
When I got all excited and made stick figure man notes! :')
And so we set off to Dharwad from the hostel around 5AM, boarded the direct bus, alighted at Hubli and finally made it to the sprawling SDM campus. While initially there were no other contestants in sight, they made their appearance by the aforementioned time and the quiz began with an initial MCQ based prelims.So the prelims had about 50 questions in 50 minutes and we did quite well! The finals had about 5 rounds including a rapid fire. While we didn't make it in the finals, BP and Disha came second and will represent our college at the finals in Bangalore. :)

After some snacks at their canteen, we set off towards Hubli to board the bus back to Shimo. We had a make shift meal of Jolada Roti and Random curry and Rice at a nondescript hotel as dinner and headed back to the hostel by 1am.

I had typed a LENGTHY paragraph on my phone which I didn't save and thus I have more reasons to be a grouchy git.

There's always something new to see, some new experience every time I travel.

The little one who began crying when the bus started because his grandpa hadn't got back yet.
The woman who patiently picked out the lice from her husband's head even as he bowed down to her.
The old woman who couldn't stop arguing with the conductor at the top of her shrill voice until another passenger explicitly asked her to shut up.
The young boy looking out of the bus at the young girl standing outside in the evening drizzle; sharing a wordless moment, perhaps until their next reunion.
The lost puppy on the road, the mentally ill man grinning away to glory, the hen on the bus making eerie sounds and the woman crying in the ER..

I could go on but you get my drift; every person, every moment is a story in itself if you bother to look.

So why am I a grouchy git? After yesterday, I felt I am lacking on SO many Basic levels. I mean, there are things you should know and those that are good to know (i.e will be useful later). There is no point trying to work on the second category when you have some loopholes in the first itself. I feel I did not reason out enough but that stemmed from not being aware/sure of so many things to make the necessary connection. Anyhoo, got enough and more on my plate for now!

So by this virtue, I cannot attribute my happiness to any physical entity, person or event. Which would mean I would have to feel intrinsically happy. Does this mean the happiness one gets from any of the above is not to be encouraged because we would be dependant on it? Or is the fear that the deprivation of them would cause us to feel sad?

I don't think I can blog much in the coming weeks (this is the lame lie I come up with every 15 days -_-) but I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to blog instead of spreading my neurotic tension to everyone around me.

On another note, I should probably update my status on all media and issue a public notice that I am not responsible for my lousy acyclical moods; the fault is in Rguhs. -_-

I haven't heard too many new songs lately but I think the old ones more than compensate for it. Am I the only one who feels that moments can be recreated with music? And that the happiness you feel with these pleasant recollections, is probably enough? As in, an old some heard in childhood brings back some cherished memories, the ones from school actually make me laugh because we are all so naive.. :) (Did you know That is her favourite song? It's such a bad song XD)

Further more, I am often torn between having the everything that happens is for the best kind of mindset to the 'No, of course not, why try to see good in bad' kind of comeback. The best resort would be to ignore both and just do what has to be done. (I Didn't say I do that all the time; don't assume.)

Confusedly yours,
J

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

The Insomniac's Idiosyncrasies.

What if these thoughts are not my carefully coordinated ruminations but merely the result of random arrangements in my brain that resulted in these specific words, even as I type this?

When you overdose on caffeine and are charged with a hundred different thoughts, it is prudent to blog and scare the few readers away with your useless rambles.

So first things first, we had our Ortho Internals and I made up a lot of rubbish including the meaning of Orthopaedics (yes, we had a second paper for our practicals with many more opportunities for me to mess up). Atleast a TB Hip/ Spine would have made my day but CTEV was a small reprieve. And that reminds me, Ilizarov (from the limb lengthening technique) said something like this:

'Any biological organism when subjected to constant stress under living conditions, is expected to grow.'
I quote this not out of a bout of inspiration that if we induce ourselves with the right amount of stress, it would catapult us into greater heights (you could do that too, Fyi) but out of sheer annoyance and frustration with the supposed Imposition awarded to us by the OBG department for our unplanned 'mass bunk'. Clearly, subjecting us to irrational punishments has only got us at the end our patience and at our wit's end. -_-

But when I'm not mindlessly copying lines from Shaw's, we've been taking a lot more cases this term asking every Savitramma, Ratnamma, Basamma or Vasanthamma their history. When we're not taking gynaec cases, I'm discreetly judging women by their belly bump to pounce on any pregnancy in the 3rd trimester to take their case and possibly proceed with the examination. Apart from this, its a Cat and Mouse game of trying not to draw the attention of Dr S for sitting, breathing and basically daring to live. -_-

Apart from these facts and and the ominous fact that my going home remains dependant on the End Posting, college is progressing as usual. So it was Abhi's bday last week and we had a some real fun :) I don't think I've laughed until my stomach hurt in recent times!


I think the best time of my day is in fact the night when I'm uncluttered of all unnecessary niceties and have my freedom, even if, only for a few hours. Yes, of course, all these chains and shackles are in my own head.

Take a moment.
  • Before you yell at that boy for nearly running into you, take a moment to realize he's pushing a trolley of food for your own mess.
  • Before you assume the worst, give people the benefit of doubt or a chance to explain their actions.
  • Before you curse profanities upon someone for inconveniencing you, understand that they're only doing their job.
  • Before you give someone a piece of your mind, take a deep breath and just let it go! Whatever it is that's bothering you, it isn't worth your peace of mind. 

Reading some new and interesting things these days; from the development of language in an infant (Skinner Vs Chomsky), science of emotion (when you see a tiger, do you run because of the fear or do you feel fear because you run..?) and even the physiology of hunger and satiety (my obesity prone elevated leptins should have diminished taste sensations but as Abhi rightly said, my taste buds seem to be on the higher end of the spectrum) and the neurochemistry of addiction (mice which were taught to work for a stimulation that would result in a reward (Dopamine treaaattt!) would do so even at the cost of their starvation and thirst just to receive that 'kick'.

On yet another note, I would hate to agree with my annoyingly accurate father as to how social media is a double edged sword and must be used wisely and I never seem to accrue this simple wisdom that even my sister seems to have been bestowed with. -_-

Ohhhh and before I forget, Ma's part of this White Whale Challenge that's being organized by the folks at Science Utsav.
Basically, they've got the parent community involved in activities and tasks that they've got to submit in a day. While Day 1 had Ma going to the near and dear relatives for a 'free hug thing', Day 2 was about thanking the people in the community who help us like the milkmaid, postman, driver, lift attender and so on.

I'm actually quite surprised and interested by this initiative and also extremely happy that Ma is game enough to take on something as spontaenous as this! :)

Although I feel confused and annoyed 2826282927 times a day for all the mind numbing, thick skulled drama around me and the rubbish that is thurst upon my disinterested ears, I also feel at peace for atleast some semblance of sanity that prevails despite the murky waters. It also gives me hope of better times ahead.

*Everything has changed: Ed Sheeran* :)

Ciao!

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Perennial Pondering

Hello there readers,

Once again I have plenty on my mind but I'm quite tired to make sense. The past few weeks have been busy thanks to the internals and OBG.
Speaking of this posting, it looks like we got on the wrong side of our Professor at the start of postings and we've got to bear the brunt of a supposed mass bunk. But this term has also got me taking a lot more cases unlike last term where our attention to detail and attempt to follow up every case lead hampered our pace.

Medicine has got me worried because I have no idea how I cleared those internals and I hardly put in any reading for it specifically but maybe I'll need to rectify it asap. These days, I've got Ortho on my mind and there is a LOT to do but I don't know how much I'm actually going to remember. I'll prolli write manage with ORIF and K wires for half the questions and walk out like a boss. I also think I have some serious deficits in the way I read. Somehow, my approach seems to be more theoretical than practical oriented. Also, internal comparisons with anyone and everyone tend to send my spirits plummeting to the depths of despair.

On an other note, life often throws pleasant surprises your way when you least expect it such as an interesting coincidence.

On yet another unrelated note, people assume the importance that you place for them in your life. Nobody asks for it. It is you who is responsible.

Sometimes, the mere thought of what the future holds is quite scary. Of course, I often talk like eternal sunshine and daisies but when you start thinking about the realities, it seems an infinite abyss.

Songs I enjoy include
Bawara Mann (Jolly llb)
Into Dust by Mazza Star (heard in an episode of House MD)

So I had to address the juniors  a few days ago and this a script of the big day.


It all began symbolically on the 15th of August 2013 when I set foot on campus as a bright eyed first year student.

Respected dignitaries on the dias, teachers, parents and juniors, I'm here to share my journey so far and I thank the faculty and management for giving me this opportunity. 

Hearty congratulations to all of you for making it to medical college against all odds. From this day, a new journey begins.
When I joined medical college, I was bombarded with advice from all corners; the highlight being- Do not neglect your first year, it is your hardest! Now, it may seem redundant to state the same message, but from my own experience, it is always helpful to remain consistent through the year and get your basics clear. The foundation that you lay now will set the stage for the skyscrapers that you will build in future. 

Hostel life, in itself is a great teacher. I vividly remember the nights spend in the corridor studying osteology with bones in hand, the maggi parties that turned into long discussions on life and the countless birthdays that were celebrated.*
The friends you cultivate will decide the trajectory of your path. The constant stream of tests, internals and impending fear of exams can be very stressful but having a good set of friends is one of the best things that can happen to you. 

With a vast syllabus, new surroundings and unfamiliar faces around you, our teachers were approachable and friendly. From the first year Anatomy, Physiology and Biochemistry professors to the final year professors, they continue to inspire us to give our best. Be it a simple doubt, an intercollegiate quiz and a poster presentation at a conference, they are always willing and eager to help you- if you show the interest. 

On a lighter note, the college fest brings out the creativity, talent and sportsmanship of the students. The Cultural and Sports Week gives students a much needed break from the routine. 

Coming from a metropolitan area, I was initially unsettled in Shimoga but in time, I have begun to enjoy this well developed, unpolluted and peaceful city. It has given me plenty of opportunities to meet new people, visit nearby hill stations, beaches and waterfalls but for now, first year is not the time for sightseeing! :) 

Finally I'd like to conclude with a quote: Believe in the beauty of your dreams and do not stop until your goal is reached.**

Thank you

* so apparently just before my speech, Sir had mentioned how parties are strictly forbidden on campus so when I said birthday parties and maggi parties, there was a huge commotion with all students discussing excitedly about the supposed laxity of rules. After my speech, Sir clarified that I celebrated these parties at a low volume in the confines of my room to which I sarcastically nodded in agreement.

** Today some miserable junior struck up a conversation with us and I was interrogated if I was from Bangalore, my parents were from Bangalore, if I studied in Bangalore and where specifically and last but not the least, 'If it was my dream to join this college or I wanted to join a Bangalore college like BMCRI or MSRMC?' To which I could only reply that she could answer the question herself and left their annoying presence but with a can of worms unleashed in my rabid brain.

Coffee seems to be working like magic but not for the right reasons.

CME coming up in our college and preparations in full swing for the same.

Ciao fellow sapiens

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Delirious Doom

This may not be the smartest thing to do right now but I'll still do it anyway.

So we (Abhi and I) had been to the Paediatric Quiz of IAP at SIMS Govt. College on September 5th. The first round was an MCQ round and was fairly easy based on our prep from the relevant mcq books. The participants were from JNMC, SDMMC, AAMC, KIMS Hubli, BIMS, SNMC and SIMS. It was after we made it to the finals that the real test began. While the questions were case based and required specific answers, they were moderate to difficult in terms of level of ease. The team from SIMS stood first and will move to the state level quiz next. The Belgaum and Dharwad Team did exceptionally well while we were left behind after the initial dry spell. At long last, we reached the end of the quiz and managed to scramble a few points to climb out of the last spot.

Nevertheless, it was an experience none the less and it shows how much more is expected of us. While I am thankful for this 'enlightening' experience, it also brings forth the unpleasant reality of studying in a private college. Or perhaps its not always to do with where you are but what you make out of it, irrespective of the odds. There are always exceptions in either cases.
Apart from being looked down upon in the social circle and from your colleagues, you yourself begin to detest yourself for not matching up to the standards. Its probably justified but at the end of the day, you've somehow got to bridge the gap.

Adulting is no joke and I don't like the uncertainty that it brings along with the gift of freedom.

2nd September was one maddeningly hectic day. Reached Bangalore at 4AM amidst heavy rainfall, Dad had come to pick us up so Abhi, Accamma and I bundled up into the car and headed home where we snoozed for a while (until Bupp and Bm Shivu, our birds above) decided to sing and welcome us. After some initial running around to meet the Dermatologist (in vain) we headed home, finished other activities and finally set off towards Govi's house for the first time. As it happens, Govi's mother gave as an amazing intro into veg Andhra cuisine and we enjoyed our meal thoroughly.


At this point, I had to leave in the midst of the pouring rains (aided by Govi's brother) and managed to catch an auto towards an institute of importance. After goading the auto driver to take me as fast as possible across the city with promises of 'meter mele extra kodthini', I sat back and began to breathe. Finally, I made it in time and the next 2.5hrs were spent in discussion. We left after this and MaPaDi and I got ready at breakneck speed and again plowed through the traffic towards Airport Road for BP's Sister's wedding. After a sumptous meal and some photo sessions, MaPaDiMe and Namrata left towards home.

This one day showed me how notorious Bangalore's traffic is and how ill equipped our roads are to handle an evening of heavy rains. It just left me exhausted in many ways.

The next day was fairly uneventful. I took Accamma out on a Metro ride, we had our first waffle and then hitched an auto back home, packed up and left towards the railway station amidst fresh onset of showers.

Back in Shimo. Pharyngotonsilitis has given way to that hateful dry irritant cough that leaves me barking in the middle of a silent class or unable to stand in the OPD even as the cough refuses to subside. Internals upcoming. Stress has built a nice home for itself in the annals of my brain and its up to me to demolish or build a skyscraper.

Cya later Readers!

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Alexithymia.

People who are overweight and do a lot of emotional eating are more likely to have a hard time identifying their feelings – what psychologists call alexithymia. —R. Wolever, B. Reardon, & T. Hannan, The Mindful Diet, 2016

Today we had a session on Transplant Surgery by doctors from Apollo Hospitals Bangalore. The first speaker Dr. Sandeep, gave a brief intro about the liver anatomy, pathology of cirrhosis and grading of Liver Failure based on Child Pugh Score and the MELD score which are all used to decide whether and when a patient needs a liver transplant.

Next, we had Dr Mahesh, a transplant surgeon taking us through the transplants that they conducted at their hospital, ranging from cadaveric donors to live donors, from cardiac and liver transplants to Pancreas and Kidney Transplant (for Diabetic Patients with Renal Failure) and even the rare (but possible) Small Bowel Transplants. We were shown several videos of how the set up for a transplant surgery looks and several surgeries in progress.

Lastly, but most importantly, we had the awe inspiring Dr. Bharat Dubey taking us through his journey from King George, Lucknow to AIIMS for his post graduation and currently at Apollo where he is a Cardiothoracic surgeon who regularly performs transplants as well.

Peppered with inspiring anecdotes, surgery videos and the occasional self indulgent photo, he gave a short but memorable journey through the challenging road of cardiac surgery.
 From complicated MICS to LVADS, from Arterial Switch Operations to LVADS, he explained several procedures and finally concluded by a video of cardiac transplantation right from harvesting it from a donor, establishing a green corridor for the transport, the transplant itself and the sinus rhythm on the ECG monitor post transplant.

It was a wonderful session that reminded me that I was pursuing no ordinary profession. :)
To sum it up is this quote that Dr. Bharath shared as he encouraged us to dream bigger and how the medical profession is constantly evolving hence, we can expect further developments in the coming years..

"Set a goal to achieve something that is so big, so exhilarating that it excites you and scares you at the same time."

Reason.

Do you ever look for a reason,
When you stand in the rain,
To welcome the first shower of the season
As the hesitant drops splash across your skin?

Do you really need an excuse,
To explain the appeal of the waves?
How the sea is your eternal muse,
And why the blue sea is all that your heart craves?

Do you ever care to ask yourself,
Why the mountains hold you under their spell?
Breathing in the intoxicating misty air,
Why, in the snow clad peaks forever you could dwell?

Then why do you look for a reason,
To explain the mind's unfathomable ways?
To your own conscience it is a treason,
To demand answers for what the heart says.


Tuesday, August 15, 2017

If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad.

Hey, I'm just quoting Byron! I'm pretty sure my sanity is debatable anyway. :')

My thoughts seem to clamour for attention as I type this. It remains to be seen which of my useless thoughts will make the final cut and feature in this edition on Moody Murmurs.

As I trudge along 2017, work seems to be 'insidiously' piling up with intermittent attacks of panic and occasional bursts of inspiration.

The other day I was studying Paeds (which is just a cleverly disguised name for half of what we would cover in medicine along with several paeds specific topics) and this thought hit me as to how fortunate we are. The sheer amount of diseases and disorders that we read about is overwhelming and sometimes you think.. what are the odds? It feels like you're sitting on a ticking time bomb. Honestly, this is not the worrying thing. I think what causes chills down the spine would be to think how lucky are the ones that matter to you.

At the same time, you also begin to appreciate the advancement of medical science, the availability of treatment for what was once rare and 'incurable' and above all the resilience of the human spirit to fight, struggle and thrive against all odds.

So we're coming towards the end of Surgery postings and we have seen several cases in the OPD and wards and a few surgeries as well. Last week we saw the resection of a GIST ( GastroIntestinal Stromal Tumour) by hemicolectomy (and they also put a 'staple' and anastomosed two ends) in an octagenarian lady that lasted for nearly 5 hours (I must confess I didn't last that long!)

So yesterday Daddy sends this message saying its been 1460 days and I got quite nostalgic thinking about how the past four years have been. I was in half a mind to do this nice long post on how much I have learnt (or failed to learn) in these four years but don't you worry, readers, good sense has prevailed upon me and I will not traumatize you with my recollections. In any case, It makes me chuckle at my own stupidity (whether then, or now, is left for Time to decide)

Okay, so I can't keep quiet. I am thrilled to bits and excited about October. Why, you might wonder, is this annoying woman excited about October when its inches away from the finals. Well, I am probably a little 'Psych'ed about it. :P But there are pressing matters ahead, such as Paeds Internals and yes, of course the Divisional Round of Iap quiz at Sims.

Will there come a moment when you will have to settle? Settle for what you get? Accept what you are dealt with? Embrace 'reality' and make do with it?

There are times when you do so. When you thank your stars for the good fortune you have been bestowed with. And there are times when you fight for what you truly want, for where you really want to be and do everything in your capacity to make it a reality. The result wouldn't matter, because you would atleast have the contentment that you gave it everything you had.

As I grow older, I begin to appreciate my family for the childhood they gave me. For feeding my curiosity with endless books, from thought provoking brain teasers to summer camps, from expeditions to Cubbon Park, Cariappa Park to allowing me to paint on the walls of badige mane at Koramangala. Weekends were at Vasanthnagar where Thatha gave me Ravalgon, Ajji fed me Rasam Rice glowing in ghee, Nidhi and I hosted 'weekly shows', Mama took me on bike rides and listened to my 'Patti Cutting' while Atthe treated me like the intellectual I never was (bless my delusional soul). I wish I could do even a quarter of that for Di but all I can do from this tiny village is ask her to tell me any five facts on Independence Day. But her interests are poles apart from mine. She is much more interested in Art and passionate about animals and birds in a way I can only imagine. While I can sit back and appreciate the beauty of the bird, she will not hesitate to feed it, entertain and cajole it to sit on her arms while I quaver in fear (and psittacosis hello?!)

On another note, it is disarming to see how people are quick to jump to conclusions about the practice of allopathic medicine. Members of my own family believe and follow Homeopathy and even a certain 'Naturopathy' while blatantly generalizing the medical profession to be a money making industry. It is hard to combat such claims and it is only going to drain your energy as you explain how logical investigations are necessary to confirm your diagnosis and are not always a money minting mechanism. *sigh*

So I started with Breaking Bad and recently watched Se7en, a disturbing thriller. As for exercise, I don't think it qualifies. :o

I've started with Nothing Lasts Forever by Sidney Sheldon but it looks like the Purle Road will get repaired faster than my completion. -_-

I've been listening to my favourite kind of carnatic music in the mornings. A mix of old and new, a blend of East and West and pure bliss indeed.


Hiraeth.

He took the detour off the highway,
A route ingrained though he had been away.
A familiar pathway emerged in a while,
The memories of the journey brought a smile.

How could one forget the map to their happy place?
He wondered even as the wild bushes left no space.
Clearing through the wild grass and untamed brambles,
He knew he would find the house of his childhood rambles.

In hope did he cut through all the thorny barriers and angry weeds,
Beyond it was what once felt like home.
Yet the new sights that greeted him,
Convinced him that memories cannot be brought back to life.



Cya later readers!
Xoxo

Monday, August 7, 2017

Demons

So we had the prelims and an eventful final to the IAP quiz in our college and it looks like Abhi and I (along with Gt and Pavithra) will be going for the next sub divisional round.

This Saturday we had our first Paediatric Surgery class and it was quite interesting thanks to his narration of several cases he has seen in his career and his witty remarks. Postings in Surgery include the OT visits for Varicose Veins and Hernias. We see cases of Solitary Thyroid Nodule, Obstructive Jaundice, Carcinoma of Colon and more during the OPD hours. Last Monday, I had this seminar on Blood Transfusion and I had to talk about the indications, procedure and precautions involved in it. Thankfully it ended without major mishap.

Currently read the Catsex book which doesnt seem to end. Happened to have the misfortune of watching Jab Harry Met Sejal.

Another wedding in the family. Another cousin off the list. Another stressful time for my family. Another reason to dress up, show up and help around. Another chance for the father to panic in pessimism. Another day, another gathering and another couple begin a new life. (I should stop getting dramatic)

Demons

They crawl out of hidden corners
Emerge from underneath the bed
They know when to strike
They know you better than you ever will.

They hide stealthily in the sun
Only to sneak out in the dark nights.
They agree with Fate and Fortune,
But taunt you for everything you once aspired.

They watch your actions in silence.
A deafening silence that hurts.
And reminds you of who you are,
Instead of who you think you are.



Ain't no filter to save the shit I do
Sometimes, I wish I could be a better person. Someone who would spread positivity, who understood people well, helped those in need without their asking and dealt with differences in opinion with more grace.


Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Monologues.

I see two possibilities. I'm either going to blog with unwanted frequency or I'll close the blog and call it a day.


As ugly as within
Currently listening to:
  • Neenillade (Ondu Motteya Kathe)
  • Just Like Honey (the one from Lost In Translation)
  • Lag Ja Gale : different versions by various singers but come back often to the original by Lata Mangeshkar (I am a boring old woman who listens to the same songs on repeat until they ferment in my brain)
I'm also glad that I finished reading:
  • City of Joy (definitely an interesting read, an eyeopener into the lives of the slum dwellers of Calcutta, the happiness amidst the suffering and the ray of hope amidst illness and poverty.
  • Marley and Me (can I please get a doggo now?)
  • Oliver's Story (Finding love after the loss of your loved one. A sequal to Love Story by Eric Segal)

Anyhoo its back to college and I'm once again in surgery postings. This time we've been divided into 3 units of 10 students. So yesterday we saw two different stages of presentation of the same condition: Carcinoma of the Stomach.

First we saw an elderly female patient with history of abdominal pain since 20 days. Apart from this, she gave history of passage of dark colored stools. Examination did not reveal any findings. Based on the age and the complaints, the professors suspect an advanced stage of gastric cancer and have requested for endoscopy for correlation.

Next we saw a case of a 35 y/o female from Shimoga who was operated for gastric carcinoma. She had initially come with pain in the abdomen after meal and complaints or regurgitation of food. Suspecting PUD, endoscopy was performed. Here, ulcers were detected and the biopsy confirmed H.pylori infection and dysplasia.


After treatment with Anti H.pylori regimen, the patient did not experience relief of symptoms. A repeat biopsy was done and a second opinion was sought which confirmed the gastric carcinoma. The patient was operated at Kidwai Bangalore for a gastrojejunostomy and had come for a check up with the tube. A mother of a young girl, this lady will now require chemotherapy once her lab reports are complete and satisfactory.


Life often throws us into unexpected turns. And there isn't anything we can do about it but to face it head on. Which is why, when the road is clear, the path is straight; keep going and don't dawdle.


Today I saw the surgery for varicose veins for the first time. Its called the Trendelenberg operation and they ligate the tributaries of the GSV and then introduce a stripper, ligate the perforators and then remove the stripper (along with the shrunken vein) in one Strong tugging movement. It went on for quite some time because according to Gopinath Sir, 'It was a jungle inside with fibrosis and inflammation'. 


When the OT goes on for far more than your stomach can wait, your stomach decides to protest. And loudly, the rascal. In fact, today was the orchestra of several hungry stomachs singing in unison. The best way to deal with this is look straight ahead at the table with such conviction that even the ones next to you will believe that it possibly the patient who is hungry and not you!


Watched OMK with Abhi and had Dinner at Anmol midweek. I think I would like that to be the highlight of my week. I just remembered this thing that we had learnt in programming/ JAVA during high school. Something about memory allocation. 


I don't remember it well enough but when you delete one value and add another instead, it occupies the same 'space'. Or something along those lines, I can't get the exact words. I don't think we can do that. You cannot erase a memory you wish to forget by creating new memories. Hah! Life is not so simple that you vapourize an unpleasant experience with a poof!

You accept it, you acknowledge it and you rectify it for what it's worth. You can move farther ahead by acceptance than by denial. Sometimes. :)



Tata!!


Monday, July 17, 2017

Consent.

Postponing this moment since quite some time now. I still don't know if I can put down everything on my mind.

Home for a week. Highlights include learning to drive in Appa's car under Lokesh's amazing guidance. I was really beginning to enjoy it. Spent quite some time bonding with Di especially since she couldn't make it to school. 

I wish I could be around for Divya and wish I could answer all her questions from whether Pierre Curie would have also died due to radiation exposure if he had not met with an accident, if Albert Einstein and Shiva were vegetarians, if Pastuer invented vaccines for diseases other than rabies and also if Tintin was a Hindu... :)

Yesterday Amma packed chapathis for the train journey because I'm usually famished by the time the train reaches around 9pm. I opened the box to see the familiar rolled chapathis with sugar and ghee. I smiled to myself as I began to munch on it. Rolled sugar chapathis and I have a long history. For the most part of my school life, these were my companions during the lunch break. 2 sugar chapathis and 2 more with chutney pudi. On days that Amma finished cooking the lunch in the morning, the loyal chapathis were replaced by exotic Chitranna, Fried Rice and even the rare Pulav. Irrespective of the breakfast at home, this was always my tiffin for school. I vividly remember, one day in high school when Rachana asked me why did I still eat in rolls like a primary school kid. Unable to give an answer, I had come back at vented on Amma for rolling the chapathis. 'I'm NOT  a Kid!', I had tried to convince her.

After the offending roll was banished for a while, it made a comeback at DCFL occassionally. Since I had to leave pretty early (7.15am), I often ate in the canteen.

And after all these years, when I saw two good old rolls of sugar chapathis tucked neatly in the box, it was a nostalgic moment indeed. What wouldn't I do to have them everyday just like the old days! Who cares of they were in rolls or folds, it was still my mother's cooking.

I don't know why I feel this way. I don't like it and I constantly contain every single emotion that threatens to reveal itself. Under the guise of other preoccupations, I ignore the noise in my mind, the uneasiness gnawing at me from the inside and the message from the distant past now looms in front as a reminder.

My dreams can't be stolen from me. Dreams of happy days and starry nights, dreams of flowery pathways and mistletoe, dreams of everything that I need and want; they are mine.  Every image that I created, every castle that I built in the air, every hope, every desire is mine and mine alone that cannot be trespassed upon without my Consent.

When words fail and you chose to let your brush do the talking...

Today's catharsis
:)