Rantitis Rantia

 

I yearn to come on this platform a lot more often but I think that luxury to ‘pause and reflect’ is hard to come by in my schedule.

Recently we celebrated Kannada Rajyothsava. To be honest, I didn’t do much (does sharing reels about Kannada heritage count?). But I had a profound realisation.

Having grown up in a household where English was given predominance, over the years, my fluency, expression and creativity was best brought out through English.

When I joined medical college in Shimoga, I realized, that will not be enough. I had to pick up from where I had left Kannada behind. I think over the course of 5 years, my Kannada improved significantly and I might have even picked up some version of the ‘Hassan dialect’ during my days there during internship.

Coming to Mysore for my postgraduation, I felt at ease and but I always knew my peers spoke, read and wrote better Kannada than I ever would.

However, ironically, what made me embrace my Kannadiga roots much more was actually relocating to coastal Karnataka where in fact, Kannada was not the only language in the community but also Tulu and Konkani. As I struggled to connect with the people inspite of my Kannada and English, I realized how important the “mother tongue” is to each community. While Kannada is known and understood by most, it is quite evident that to each community, their comfort zone lies in their native language; be it Tulu or Konkani.

While I made (and continue to make) attempts to learn both languages, it has left me with a dilemma of sorts. I could never pass off my Tulu or Konkani like a native speaker. (Although my Konkani is quite acceptable these days). I struggle to string together the words in my attempt to connect with patients/ localites or people around me in general. And a lot of what I want to share goes unsaid because it’s quite literally ‘lost in translation’.

And somewhere, I keep calling myself out for sounding ‘artificial’? Yes, it is important to learn the language of the land you live in. But can I really integrate into the culture of a place I have never grown up in? I could develop a working proficiency in the language for the sake of ease of day to day communication.

But language is more than just that right? It’s about expression of emotions, creativity and your individual identity too. And I don’t think I could do that in a new language.

Maybe I’m not one to read or appreciate Kannada literature or write poetry on the glory of Kannada language. But it’s my comfort language, the language I grew up hearing from my mother, the phrases and jokes I can relate to thanks to where I grew up and the ecosystem around me. And I don’t think I should ever let go of that. :) 

Original Thoughts of October

In an era where everyone seems to have something to say, everyone online is doling out free advice, free travel suggestions, parenting tips, life experiences, natural remedy hacks, DIY hacks, medical advice from doctors (to other doctors? To patients? To parents?!), social media is like an endless circus of content consumption. But then again, we chose our content, rather the algorithm pushes what we seem to enjoy and we just end up going deeper into the rabbit hole.

Nevertheless, these days, when I do have an “original thought” or a joke, I realize how rare it is. Because a lot of what we say and do is often derived from the content (books/social media/ social interactions) we consume.

Here are some updates:

1. Di is officially an adult now. The tiny baby I held in my arms is now actually 18 years old. She has just begun her medical journey nearby and I am so incredibly excited for her as she treads the same path. 
2. We had a short trip to Goa and the highlights were Pa and Di also joined us. Sujay had his fair share of fun at the beach and pool and it was a good time for us to relax and unwind a bit.
3. We presented case reports at Nature Conference in Manipal and it was a simple experience ( to say the least).
4. Sujay is going to turn a year old soon and I cant believe how fast one year has flown.
5. Today Sujay and I went to Ramamandira and there was something about it that made both of us quite profoundly happy and content. I think he enjoyed being there and watching him feel so comfortable made me infinitely happy. Maybe it reminded me a bit about my similar experiences as a child growing up in a culturally rich environment.
6. Mr Rao has graciously bestowed upon me a very thoughtful gift of a Kindle to help me rekindle my reading habit. 
7. I’ve joined the gym and I’m beginning to enjoy the experience and look forward to being more consistent.

While this year seems to be flying, it has also been a year that has taught me so much in terms of personal growth and also it has changed a lot of things about how I practice paediatrics. I’m constantly evolving as a parent and hope to give Sujay the best version of myself.

Toodles.

Rhythm in the chaos.

As the days go by, I can’t help but sometimes feel overwhelmed by how incredibly busy but also interesting life has become all of a sudden! 

For starters, Sujay is now standing with support and tries to vocalise a little more than earlier. Interacting with him is becoming more and more fun with each passing day and he also has begun to express his emotions. :)

There is also Babbi in the house so its quite common to hear two different baby crying tunes through the day/ night.

Di is FINALLY done with her exams and is gearing up for the next big adventure of her life i.e college. We aren’t sure where it will be but I sincerely hope it’s going to be nearby!

There is also the Advanced Asthma Course that I have joined. I am not able to find time to properly go through the course material or attend the classes completely at a stretch but I’m hoping I can in the coming weeks.

We  had a small break at Bekal last month it made for a refreshing change from the routine and Babba also enjoyed different activities like pool time, playpen time at the creche, stroller walks after a long hiatus and generally full time masti with parents!

Di and Dad came to Karkala after the much awaited ReNEET exam and we also celebrated Dad’s Bday together. Recently Divya came again for a few days and Pa joined us for a day for SR’s bday and I FINALLY watched a movie (Spiderman) after nearly a year!

There is the occasional class/ exam duty

In Manipal which I attend. I look forward to them mainly for the drives to be honest.

Some days are so hectic, I wish I could steal a few quiet moments for myself. I am trying to make the most of everyday but there are somedays when I feel I have failed as a daughter/ sister/ mother/ wife/ friend. Beyond these identities is my own person hidden somewhere who might want to read a book or listen to a song while taking a walk or even cook something she likes or maybe just do some doodling. But this is a season, just like every other season of life and sometimes its good to just go with the flow and try to enjoy and accept life the way it is. Maybe not everything needs to be changed, maybe everything doesn’t have to be perfect yet. Its the attempt to get better ..?

Day 5 of Gratitude.

 Another day, another adventure for Baabunni. Yesterday was a fun day as Appa and Divya decided to put the cycle to good use and took turns to cycle around the campus. Afternoon Divya joined me in the OPD for a while and later, we (Pa Di Suraj Sujay and I) went to Reliance Trends for some shopping. 

Sujay also began to show attempts to sit intermittently between all his crawling and standing attempts. :)

Day 4 of Gratitude.

 Yesterday was Appa’s birthday and he and Divya drove from Mysore to Karkala in a record 6 hours. It was also Doctor’s Day and it was wonderful to receive so many messages and heartfelt wishes. One that touched me was a message from the parent of one of the children I treated at MMC. I was truly surprised and humbled that they remembered me. 

I am truly grateful that my family supported and encouraged me in my pursuit of becoming a doctor. The journey has been rocky but their support never faltered. 

As a part of the celebrations for Doctors Day, members of the Rotary community had come to the hospital to wish all the doctors and they took time to individually wish and greet all the doctors of the hospital. This was followed by the greetings from the management team. The cutest gesture was from the tiny tots of Vardhaman school who came to our hospital to wish all the doctors. In the evening there were fun filled games for the doctors followed by snacks.

After this, we came home and cut a cake for Appa and had a small event to celebrate his birthday. It was good to celebrate his birthday together in Karkala.

Sujay was eager to see so many people in the house and was happily interacting with everyone with his babbling. 

We also said Hi to Snoyee and her 5 pups! 

Day 3 of Gratitude

Yesterday Baabunni treated us to a verbal bonanza of responses. He has now progressed to a musical type of response to questions and ‘Bababa’ has entered the vocabulary. After work, We took a trip to Udupi for some purchases and I drove for a small segment.  Baabunni got to sit in the shopping cart  and we wheeled him around Spar Supermarket.

We also had a lot of things to eat at Tropical Cafe while Sujay munched on carrot sticks and also had some avocado. 

Sujay woke up crying at night but luckily he calmed down after a while and slept well.

Day 2 of Gratitude

Yesterday began with a caesarean section which I attended in view of fetal distress. What made it so memorable was the fact that the grandmother and father were overjoyed and had tears of joy when I showed them the baby girl. I am accustomed to seeing such happiness when the parents see a male baby but seeing them such pure unadulterated joy and celebrating the baby made me so happy. 

Yesterday seemed like a typical monsoon day in coastal Karnataka and it rained through most of the evening and night. Watching Sujay enjoy the rain, attempt to catch the rain drops and squeal in delight is another priceless memory. 

Suraj and I also took a rainy visit to Reliance Fresh and I got a jar of my guilty pleasure ( Nutella)!! 

Another good news was knowing my proposal went through the IEC Pre-Screening. :)

Day 1 of Gratitude

 I realise that I probably crib and cry about so many things without giving due credit for the good things happening around me.

I’d like to change that. I want to practice mindfulness and gratitude for everything we have been blessed with.

Yesterday Sujay turned 8 months so we did our usual photoshoot. We also did a small Krishna themed shoot. We also had fun giving Sujay a tub bath and he loved being watching the toy octopus spray water all around the tub. 

One of the underrated pleasures of staying in Karkala on a Sunday is driving to Bajagoli in the evening for tea and vada pav. Watching the rain turn everything green-er and shiny is another simple joy of life that we don’t notice enough. 

Reminiscence.

 

Maybe motherhood was not just about me embracing my little one but also appreciating and being grateful for my own mother. 

I think the hardest part ( Like I have repeated often) has been about how I have begun to see how it might have been for my own mother, her dreams, aspirations, difficulties as she navigated through motherhood. 

So many events and instances, I have begun to see in a different light. It has been a revelation of sorts to understand everything my parents did and continue to do for us. 

Life lately has become very hectic and there is not much time to stop and smell the roses, as they say. But I do try to ensure that Sujay has the time to smell (and also hold and squish) the roses, if he chooses to. It is good to be busy but it also means I am almost always doing something or thinking about what to do next. It feels like several tabs are open at the same time in my brain and I am slowly trying to come to terms with multitasking. 

A typical morning involves me waking up by 6:30, staying in bed till 7 so that both of them don’t wake up. By 7:15 I finish my ablutions, then try and clean the kitchen a little and plan what are the meals for the day. I put the clothes for wash and then go for a small walk in the campus. I usually have a chat with dad at this time and also get some milk if needed for the home. Then I proceed with getting ready for work and also start preparing Babba’s meal if required. I join rounds by 9:40 after giving some time for Baabunni for his morning walk and also give him his first meal for the day. Post rounds I come home for a bit to check on Sujay and feed if needed and sometimes grab a quick cup of tea with Suji. After this, it’s back to OPD where I see patients or administer the questionnaire for eligible patients or sometimes correct student papers or work on the next protocol/ chapter/ article. 

I make a visit around noon for a feed and then come home for lunch by 1:40. Baabunni also has a meal by this time and then its time for a quick nap (if the stars align, both Sujay and I have a nap together or else its just him or sometimes its just me (trying to nap)).

By 3:40 we go back to the OPD and see some patients and then proceed for rounds if its my duty. I usually wind up by 5:30 and then we say bye to Akka and go to the canteen for a quick bite (for me, while Sujay watches hungrily) and then have a walk in the campus and listen to the birds as they chirp on the way back to their nests.

We spend the evenings on the floor or sometimes with books, sometimes with the most mundane household items which are exciting toys for Sujay. Post another quick meal for Sujay (and for me), we head to bed for the day! While he does wake up a few times to feed, he (thankfully) has no interest in playing at night and chooses to feed and sleep.

Most days are busy but it’s also exciting to see him learn and explore more of the environment around him. He is now trying to hoist himself up by holding on to any elevated surface and while this is very gratifying to watch, it also requires us to be very vigilant since he doesn’t know how to break his fall yet.

My recollection of my routine will be inaccurate without the mention of N aunty, P akka and M Akka who are the backbone for our household and Sujay’s playmates during the day. Their love and affection for Sujay is evident and it is only because of their care and warmth, he doesn’t mind me going to work. :)

Back from ML

 24-4-2026

So today it was back to work after a six month hiatus. It was not too busy but it was good to be back at work. 

I can’t believe six whole months have passed since the birth of our little one. Six months ago, I had no idea how my delivery was going to be,  how our little one was going to be and certainly no idea how I was going to get back to work.

I still don’t know how it’s going to go but I guess we will figure it out along the way.

I am grateful for all the support. I could be more graceful about it I guess.

I remembered Amma a lot today. She really wanted to work and did her best through Shreenidhi Arts and Crafts by teaching art to women and children. She also made time for gardening, singing, cooking, banking.. and being there for me and Divya.

I don’t know how she did it. I’m not even a fraction of all the things she was. I hope I learn to multi-task like her.