Rhythm in the chaos.

As the days go by, I can’t help but sometimes feel overwhelmed by how incredibly busy but also interesting life has become all of a sudden! 

For starters, Sujay is now standing with support and tries to vocalise a little more than earlier. Interacting with him is becoming more and more fun with each passing day and he also has begun to express his emotions. :)

There is also Babbi in the house so its quite common to hear two different baby crying tunes through the day/ night.

Di is FINALLY done with her exams and is gearing up for the next big adventure of her life i.e college. We aren’t sure where it will be but I sincerely hope it’s going to be nearby!

There is also the Advanced Asthma Course that I have joined. I am not able to find time to properly go through the course material or attend the classes completely at a stretch but I’m hoping I can in the coming weeks.

We  had a small break at Bekal last month it made for a refreshing change from the routine and Babba also enjoyed different activities like pool time, playpen time at the creche, stroller walks after a long hiatus and generally full time masti with parents!

Di and Dad came to Karkala after the much awaited ReNEET exam and we also celebrated Dad’s Bday together. Recently Divya came again for a few days and Pa joined us for a day for SR’s bday and I FINALLY watched a movie (Spiderman) after nearly a year!

There is the occasional class/ exam duty

In Manipal which I attend. I look forward to them mainly for the drives to be honest.

Some days are so hectic, I wish I could steal a few quiet moments for myself. I am trying to make the most of everyday but there are somedays when I feel I have failed as a daughter/ sister/ mother/ wife/ friend. Beyond these identities is my own person hidden somewhere who might want to read a book or listen to a song while taking a walk or even cook something she likes or maybe just do some doodling. But this is a season, just like every other season of life and sometimes its good to just go with the flow and try to enjoy and accept life the way it is. Maybe not everything needs to be changed, maybe everything doesn’t have to be perfect yet. Its the attempt to get better ..?

Day 5 of Gratitude.

 Another day, another adventure for Baabunni. Yesterday was a fun day as Appa and Divya decided to put the cycle to good use and took turns to cycle around the campus. Afternoon Divya joined me in the OPD for a while and later, we (Pa Di Suraj Sujay and I) went to Reliance Trends for some shopping. 

Sujay also began to show attempts to sit intermittently between all his crawling and standing attempts. :)

Day 4 of Gratitude.

 Yesterday was Appa’s birthday and he and Divya drove from Mysore to Karkala in a record 6 hours. It was also Doctor’s Day and it was wonderful to receive so many messages and heartfelt wishes. One that touched me was a message from the parent of one of the children I treated at MMC. I was truly surprised and humbled that they remembered me. 

I am truly grateful that my family supported and encouraged me in my pursuit of becoming a doctor. The journey has been rocky but their support never faltered. 

As a part of the celebrations for Doctors Day, members of the Rotary community had come to the hospital to wish all the doctors and they took time to individually wish and greet all the doctors of the hospital. This was followed by the greetings from the management team. The cutest gesture was from the tiny tots of Vardhaman school who came to our hospital to wish all the doctors. In the evening there were fun filled games for the doctors followed by snacks.

After this, we came home and cut a cake for Appa and had a small event to celebrate his birthday. It was good to celebrate his birthday together in Karkala.

Sujay was eager to see so many people in the house and was happily interacting with everyone with his babbling. 

We also said Hi to Snoyee and her 5 pups! 

Day 3 of Gratitude

Yesterday Baabunni treated us to a verbal bonanza of responses. He has now progressed to a musical type of response to questions and ‘Bababa’ has entered the vocabulary. After work, We took a trip to Udupi for some purchases and I drove for a small segment.  Baabunni got to sit in the shopping cart  and we wheeled him around Spar Supermarket.

We also had a lot of things to eat at Tropical Cafe while Sujay munched on carrot sticks and also had some avocado. 

Sujay woke up crying at night but luckily he calmed down after a while and slept well.

Day 2 of Gratitude

Yesterday began with a caesarean section which I attended in view of fetal distress. What made it so memorable was the fact that the grandmother and father were overjoyed and had tears of joy when I showed them the baby girl. I am accustomed to seeing such happiness when the parents see a male baby but seeing them such pure unadulterated joy and celebrating the baby made me so happy. 

Yesterday seemed like a typical monsoon day in coastal Karnataka and it rained through most of the evening and night. Watching Sujay enjoy the rain, attempt to catch the rain drops and squeal in delight is another priceless memory. 

Suraj and I also took a rainy visit to Reliance Fresh and I got a jar of my guilty pleasure ( Nutella)!! 

Another good news was knowing my proposal went through the IEC Pre-Screening. :)

Day 1 of Gratitude

 I realise that I probably crib and cry about so many things without giving due credit for the good things happening around me.

I’d like to change that. I want to practice mindfulness and gratitude for everything we have been blessed with.

Yesterday Sujay turned 8 months so we did our usual photoshoot. We also did a small Krishna themed shoot. We also had fun giving Sujay a tub bath and he loved being watching the toy octopus spray water all around the tub. 

One of the underrated pleasures of staying in Karkala on a Sunday is driving to Bajagoli in the evening for tea and vada pav. Watching the rain turn everything green-er and shiny is another simple joy of life that we don’t notice enough. 

Reminiscence.

 

Maybe motherhood was not just about me embracing my little one but also appreciating and being grateful for my own mother. 

I think the hardest part ( Like I have repeated often) has been about how I have begun to see how it might have been for my own mother, her dreams, aspirations, difficulties as she navigated through motherhood. 

So many events and instances, I have begun to see in a different light. It has been a revelation of sorts to understand everything my parents did and continue to do for us. 

Life lately has become very hectic and there is not much time to stop and smell the roses, as they say. But I do try to ensure that Sujay has the time to smell (and also hold and squish) the roses, if he chooses to. It is good to be busy but it also means I am almost always doing something or thinking about what to do next. It feels like several tabs are open at the same time in my brain and I am slowly trying to come to terms with multitasking. 

A typical morning involves me waking up by 6:30, staying in bed till 7 so that both of them don’t wake up. By 7:15 I finish my ablutions, then try and clean the kitchen a little and plan what are the meals for the day. I put the clothes for wash and then go for a small walk in the campus. I usually have a chat with dad at this time and also get some milk if needed for the home. Then I proceed with getting ready for work and also start preparing Babba’s meal if required. I join rounds by 9:40 after giving some time for Baabunni for his morning walk and also give him his first meal for the day. Post rounds I come home for a bit to check on Sujay and feed if needed and sometimes grab a quick cup of tea with Suji. After this, it’s back to OPD where I see patients or administer the questionnaire for eligible patients or sometimes correct student papers or work on the next protocol/ chapter/ article. 

I make a visit around noon for a feed and then come home for lunch by 1:40. Baabunni also has a meal by this time and then its time for a quick nap (if the stars align, both Sujay and I have a nap together or else its just him or sometimes its just me (trying to nap)).

By 3:40 we go back to the OPD and see some patients and then proceed for rounds if its my duty. I usually wind up by 5:30 and then we say bye to Akka and go to the canteen for a quick bite (for me, while Sujay watches hungrily) and then have a walk in the campus and listen to the birds as they chirp on the way back to their nests.

We spend the evenings on the floor or sometimes with books, sometimes with the most mundane household items which are exciting toys for Sujay. Post another quick meal for Sujay (and for me), we head to bed for the day! While he does wake up a few times to feed, he (thankfully) has no interest in playing at night and chooses to feed and sleep.

Most days are busy but it’s also exciting to see him learn and explore more of the environment around him. He is now trying to hoist himself up by holding on to any elevated surface and while this is very gratifying to watch, it also requires us to be very vigilant since he doesn’t know how to break his fall yet.

My recollection of my routine will be inaccurate without the mention of N aunty, P akka and M Akka who are the backbone for our household and Sujay’s playmates during the day. Their love and affection for Sujay is evident and it is only because of their care and warmth, he doesn’t mind me going to work. :)

Back from ML

 24-4-2026

So today it was back to work after a six month hiatus. It was not too busy but it was good to be back at work. 

I can’t believe six whole months have passed since the birth of our little one. Six months ago, I had no idea how my delivery was going to be,  how our little one was going to be and certainly no idea how I was going to get back to work.

I still don’t know how it’s going to go but I guess we will figure it out along the way.

I am grateful for all the support. I could be more graceful about it I guess.

I remembered Amma a lot today. She really wanted to work and did her best through Shreenidhi Arts and Crafts by teaching art to women and children. She also made time for gardening, singing, cooking, banking.. and being there for me and Divya.

I don’t know how she did it. I’m not even a fraction of all the things she was. I hope I learn to multi-task like her.

Memories are a bittersweet blessing.

I didn’t honestly think that motherhood would make me relive my childhood to such an extent. It seems like a trip down memory lane each day as I recall new details and memories from my childhood.

Two things that come to my mind are that there is some bias in my recall which is due to what I choose to remember. Maybe I am looking at my childhood through rose-tinted glasses but I guess the innocence of being a child prevents you from seeing otherwise. 

The second fact being, when one parent is no longer with us, no longer there to speak for themselves, there is an image, a story, a persona created on our mind based on everything we have chosen to remember and take forward and it is that narrative that we repeat to ourselves and to those around us. 

While there’s nothing wrong with this as such, it need not always be the entire truth that we chose to remember. The human brain is far far more intelligent than what AI is made out to be. This selective memory is probably a way we have subconsciously chosen to protect ourselves and move forward.

My earliest memories are from Koramangala where I spent several years until we moved to Banashankari for my schooling. I was told that I attended Balalok and then Arunodoy Montessori for my kindergarten. I remember we used to go to Sowbhagya Traders to buy fancy stuff, have juice at Ganesh Fruit Juice and there used to be these poles near the vegetable shop where I would hold one hand and rotate until I felt dizzy. There was also Sukh Sagar where we would go once in a while to eat out, there was Peas Park around which I learnt cycling with Amma and there was the main Koramangala park where I would go often to play. Once I brought back home a small rectangular piece of wood with a design and it didnt belong to me and I felt so guilty about it because I probably knew that someone would be looking for it.

Amma would attend art classes and sometimes I would accompany her like to Prashanthi’s classes or Nanda aunty’s Kinnari School of Art or there was another place where Amma learnt Tanjore painting. 

My school teachers were nice and I remember Annamma Madam, Fathima Madam and of course Sumita Mukherjee Madam who first noticed that I was perhaps short-sighted and needed glasses. They had (2?) dogs in their house which we would sometimes see. 

We had a small Onida TV with limited channels. Dad had lots and lots of books and I loved to read them. I remember Appa coming back from one of his few foreign trips and I was so excited to see what he had got for us. :) 

There was a catalogue book which had lots of toys and interesting things and I would always imagine how it would be if I had those exciting toys with me in my house here in India.

There was Sandhyakka and Gautham Anna upstairs with their parents Sunanda Aunty and Shankar Uncle. Aunty would do some intricate cobbri art work for weddings and other paraphernalia thats used as a part of marriage rituals. I remember there were a few stray dogs that we would feed. I think there was a Tommy and a Blacky among others. Once, one of them was injured by the car so they were taken in a tub to the vet for a check up. 

There was Dr Prashant Naik’s clinic which we would frequent when I was sick; I still remember the strong odour of antiseptic and the cold, hard feel of the stethoscope when he would examine me. 

There was BDA complex which had a toystore where I got my first Barbie doll. There were small fancy stores where I would get kitchen set and play Mane-Aata with Amma.

There are so many memories in this area, so many firsts in this neighbourhood that I can’t really explain. It was probably the golden era of Koramangala and today the area has completely metamorphosed into a commercial hub, unrecognizable from what it was back then.. 

Marching Ahead

 The days may seem routine and without much fanfare, but before I realized, time is flying and we have an active 4.5month old babbler who loves to roll, crawl, sing and generally smiles at everything and everyone. 

• Baby Rao is now a busy boy and his daily schedule ( oh yes he has one!) is quite interesting.
• Wake up anywhere between 7-9 and sometimes greet us with an ‘aguuuu’ or try to sneakily open the curtains so that light streams in. I love how he wakes up in a lovely mood and gives us bright happy smiles.
• A morning walk where we say Hi to Security Akka, Bowwie, Snowy, Foxie and any doctors who see us in the morning. We see and touch the flowers and leaves and sometimes listen to the birds chirping. 
• Back home, there is some kitchen rounds where he discusses meal plan with N aunty and then does Home Tour with Annamma. 
• After one feed and nap, it’s time for massage and then a nice bath followed by some wrestling to put him in his clothes and another feed. 
• It’s time for some play on the mat and he goes around trying to chase small toys and to put everything in his mouth ultimately.
• Noon is feed + sleep and we wake up anywhere between 4-5pm and it’s time for another walk. We also go to the canteen where he watches me eat my snack and tries to grab it unsuccessfully. After another round of saying hi and bye to campus dogs, we head back home. 
• Sometimes we go out for a drive with Aanu and have tender coconut breaks or else have Tea and Bun Maska at a local shop. After this, its time for an evening nap.
• We start winding down for bedtime pretty early and we have our music sessions during this time or else we have guitar classes which he is eager to attend these days. Soon, he is all set for bedtime and after some dilly-dallying finally he is fast asleep. Until the next feed in 2hours. And so on…

Of course, there is no guarantee that we can stick to the routine on all days but we try to maintain it to some extent. A schedule can make a lot of things smooth for him and for me. Babies love routines and the sooner we get them hooked onto a routine, better for both baby and mom. :)

While my maternity leave shall end soon, I am somewhere between wanting to get back to my OPD, doing rounds and seeing patients and also wanting to spend as much time as possible with my little one, watching every little milestone and bonding with him. I know there is nothing new about what I’m feeling, millions of women deal with this phase, however that doesn’t mean these emotions aren’t valid.. Hopefully we will find a way to work with a balance with time.. 

To a very large extent, my thoughts keep rewinding to my childhood. One of the bittersweet blessings of parenting is it brings back such achingly beautiful memories of my childhood in Koramangala, my weekends at Vasanthnagar with Ajji Thatha and Atthe Mama Nidhi, the quality time my parents would give me as we did art, went on walks, played lots of games, solved puzzles, read books and so many many things. Such a simple, uncomplicated existence that was. 

Another joy has been watching my husband transform from not just a loving and caring partner but also an intuitive father who understands both mom and son and makes time for both. It’s a learning curve for all three of us. 

Growing up with a grandparent is a special privilege and Babba is lucky to be pampered by Anamma who adores him. Her presence brings out his naughtiness and his playfulness is hopefully going to keep her active and cheerful. 

A lot is happening in the world at this moment and it makes one wonder, what sort of world are we really in.. What is going to happen to the world in future.. There are no answers... We can only hope.. :)