Incoherence

 

They say good memory is a boon
But not when you've lost a loved one too soon.
Does it really every get any better?
When there are stories for every photo, video or letter.

There are only memories everywhere
All I know is we shall never make new memories anymore.
It's only the good old times I can rewind and replay
And wish you were here with me, watching us.

How I wish I had more time with you
I wish I could bargain like you,
But only this time with God,
Atleast to bid you a goodbye.

Sometimes I fear the bitterness growing in me
But I know you wouldn't want that
With all the love and  care you gave us
We can only hope to be loving and kind.

When Memory is Painful

 

Will I always remember,
The scent of you as we hugged?
Will I always remember,
The creases on your hands, aged with work?
Will I always remember,
The joy in your smile as you painted a masterpiece?
Will I always remember,
The way you'd dig deep into your purse and fish out anything we needed like magic?
Will I always remember,
The way you sang songs in your own inimitable melody?
Will I always remember,
The taste of your rasam, in your trademark style?
Will I always remember,
The way you loved us, pure and unconditionally?


Could I ever revisit, every memory we shared together?
Could I ever relive;
Every time I clasped your hand as we crossed the road?
Every walk we had in the neighborhood,
Every time we'd shop together for me,
Every journey we've shared together
Except this last one, you're on, by yourself. 

Untimely.

 No words can do justice to the emotions. No one can replace her existence. And no rituals can change the past.

The last 3 days have been something I never thought I would have to face in life. There was a long long way to go, so many more milestones to be reached and a million memories to be made, but for her untimely demise.

The events of the last 3 days have exposed me to situations I have never thought I (or my sister) would ever have to face in this lifetime. Or atleast, so early on in life. But Fate had ordained otherwise.

I see her in everything around me. Maybe the last meal she cooked, the last dress she got me, the last time we laughed, the last time we hugged and I never thought it would be the last one.

It's very hard to look ahead and imagine a future where she isn't a part. Everyday begins with the painful realization that I can never say 'Morning Maami' and get back a reply. No one will ever ask me if I want kaapi or bourmiie (Bournvita). No one would crack silly PJs like her that would make us both laugh. No one will ask if I've kept my water bottle as I rush to work. No one will load my lunch box with extra spoons and napkins (I would joke that she was giving me bibs). No one will probably ask me to park my Ntorq inside or offer to clean it for me since I was always in a hurry. I could go on forever. I see her in everything around me. I see her love all around me. Just not her. Nobody can love like a mother. Unconditionally.

I only pray for strength for my family and myself. And for Time to heal us.