December was probably the coldest month of the year, literally and figuratively. The first few days were spent in Bangalore and we came back to Mysore by Amma's birthday. I had night duty but it was still a difficult night to get through.
The first 15 days in NICU breezed through without much issues while the next 15 days was something I was not looking forward to. It was emergency ward, and being just 2 people seemed more stressful so I was dreading it before it even began!
I took a couple of days to settle down and it was as hectic as I had imagined. The worst part was the lengthy "charge" given to the night duty PGs and going home quite late. Of course, the fact that we were crossing 14 hours did not count. But I think it wasn't the long hours that bothered me. I personally felt and was made to feel that I was doing a mediocre job and that left me only frustrated after the long hours.
What was particularly difficult was waking up in the morning and getting myself to work. Probably in all these 1.5years I have never had such a bad feeling while going to work. In fact, I would always look forward to going to work, no matter what. But this time, it was different.
Riding through the road parallel to the Railway track indoubtedly left me in a state of turmoil just as my day would begin. The several "rounds" during the day would only add to the pressure of having work incomplete.
But as the days progressed, I began to see things in a better perspective, I realized that the emergency ward is the best place to learn the acute management of any condition and also how it progresses. Apart from the regular bronchopneumonia and dengue cases, there were cases of Guilliane Barre Syndrome, a suspected case of Diptheria for which we administered antitoxin, a case of Kawasaki disease, a nephrotic who turned out to be CBNAAT positive for Tuberculosis, Infantile dengue, a case of Infective Endocarditis with Fallot Physiology, a 2 year old with newly diagnosed juvenile diabetes mellitus and even a case of Central Discordant Precocious Puberty in a one 1 year old secondary to a hypothalamic hamartoma.
I realized I might have done a poor job on some days, I did not write good case sheets and I made several mistakes in my course of 15 days. But I tried to pick myself up after every error and move on.
I also realized it's about time I start to read. I'll have to find time in between my schedule and read now.
In another note, despite all the cold and hostile month that December was, the Sunshine was the saving grace and never failed to bring a smile, even at the end of the hardest days.
Probably the best part of my duty hours was the time spent with little ones who never failed to bring a smile to my face. No matter how bad the day is, seeing a smile emerge on a once sick child is probably the best things about my branch.
Taking one day at a time, one step at a time and trying to make sense of this life even if it seems nonsensical on some days.
J
