Little Miracles.

 Little wonders with the brightest smiles,

Simple mind with the biggest heart,
With stars in their curious eyes,
Kids are perhaps God's greatest art.

Counting every day as a precious surprise,
With dreams of flying high in the skies,
With smiles that bring hope amidst despair
Children have only pure love to share.

To watch their cries turn to hesitant smiles
To see them emerge from pain and sickness
To better days where they overpower their illness,
Is perhaps the greatest miracle to witness. 

In and Out.

 The little girl just did as she was told,

But now her life was fading away and her hands were cold.

Her mother watched from above as the little one lay paralyzed

Even as the poison seeped through her veins undisguised. 

A life ebbing away too soon,

A father too deep in pain to see her as a precious boon,

Alcohol blinded his vision through day and night

Until he could no longer tell wrong from right. 

He fed the hungry mouth the deathly concoction,

Even as she looked at him with love and devotion,

Somewhere they would meet again he decided,

No reason or logic could explain how he was so misguided. 

In hordes they came after the tragedy,

Wailing in despair as she lay delirous,

Where were they when the chips where down?

Where were they when they knew he had a breakdown? 

Her father lost to the world,

Her mother, her guardian angel watching from above,

She lay in limbo between life and death

A pure, innocent soul battled for every breath.

A small girl was brought to the casualty in critical state. Her mother had passed away about 10 months ago. The father had given a poisonous pesticide to the child and had succumbed to the same.

Jayashree Rao 

Shades of Green and Blue.

 

Drive To Survive.

 You arrived a little too soon,

Perhaps weighing a tad too less
But you've been a fighter since your first breath,
Crossing every hurdle and defying death.

Little one, you've seen too much too soon,
But your existence has been a miraculous boon,
It'll only make you stronger and braver
Perhaps the road ahead is smoother and in your favor.

Everyday we see things beyond our grasp,
Sometimes Fate decides to take people in its mortal clasp,
Seeing these little miracles battle against sepsis shock and more,
Makes one take heart and hope there are better days in store.

Baby of Ranjitha, day 22 of life, Preterm with Respiratory Distress Syndrome, battled Septicaemia and Septic shock, Apnoea of Prematurity, NNH and much more..

Each day is a fight for survival and this champ is trying to do it against all odds.

To the spirit of life!

Colours on my palette.

Resilience.

Against the odds she held on,
After a week in limbo, with much to cope,
Another week, through multiple tubes and wires she pulled through,
And she emerged again, at the break of dawn,
Giving us all a glimmer of hope.

If miracles exist, she was one,
Her courage was second to none,
Through all the pain, she kept up her valiant fight.
Shrunken and pale,  yet she was a heartwarming sight.

Days and nights keep passing by,
There are patients who come and go,
There are some who make it to the sunny side,
There are some who never regain their stride,
But there are some who push through every high and low,
Those who were meant to soar and fly.

Huda Fathima was in the ICU and on mechanical ventilator for two weeks after which she recovered. One of the rare instances of such a prolonged ICU stay and making it out successfully. Happy to have been part of the team involved in her recovery. 

Incoherence

 

They say good memory is a boon
But not when you've lost a loved one too soon.
Does it really every get any better?
When there are stories for every photo, video or letter.

There are only memories everywhere
All I know is we shall never make new memories anymore.
It's only the good old times I can rewind and replay
And wish you were here with me, watching us.

How I wish I had more time with you
I wish I could bargain like you,
But only this time with God,
Atleast to bid you a goodbye.

Sometimes I fear the bitterness growing in me
But I know you wouldn't want that
With all the love and  care you gave us
We can only hope to be loving and kind.

When Memory is Painful

 

Will I always remember,
The scent of you as we hugged?
Will I always remember,
The creases on your hands, aged with work?
Will I always remember,
The joy in your smile as you painted a masterpiece?
Will I always remember,
The way you'd dig deep into your purse and fish out anything we needed like magic?
Will I always remember,
The way you sang songs in your own inimitable melody?
Will I always remember,
The taste of your rasam, in your trademark style?
Will I always remember,
The way you loved us, pure and unconditionally?


Could I ever revisit, every memory we shared together?
Could I ever relive;
Every time I clasped your hand as we crossed the road?
Every walk we had in the neighborhood,
Every time we'd shop together for me,
Every journey we've shared together
Except this last one, you're on, by yourself. 

Untimely.

 No words can do justice to the emotions. No one can replace her existence. And no rituals can change the past.

The last 3 days have been something I never thought I would have to face in life. There was a long long way to go, so many more milestones to be reached and a million memories to be made, but for her untimely demise.

The events of the last 3 days have exposed me to situations I have never thought I (or my sister) would ever have to face in this lifetime. Or atleast, so early on in life. But Fate had ordained otherwise.

I see her in everything around me. Maybe the last meal she cooked, the last dress she got me, the last time we laughed, the last time we hugged and I never thought it would be the last one.

It's very hard to look ahead and imagine a future where she isn't a part. Everyday begins with the painful realization that I can never say 'Morning Maami' and get back a reply. No one will ever ask me if I want kaapi or bourmiie (Bournvita). No one would crack silly PJs like her that would make us both laugh. No one will ask if I've kept my water bottle as I rush to work. No one will load my lunch box with extra spoons and napkins (I would joke that she was giving me bibs). No one will probably ask me to park my Ntorq inside or offer to clean it for me since I was always in a hurry. I could go on forever. I see her in everything around me. I see her love all around me. Just not her. Nobody can love like a mother. Unconditionally.

I only pray for strength for my family and myself. And for Time to heal us.

A Tale Of Positivity

Born in times of a raging pandemic,

Amidst the distress within his mother's womb,

Emerged a little one pink and cherubic,

Yet handled through plastics and gloves.

While his mother harbored the virus within her,

The little one remained hanging in limbo,

Away from the warmth of his mother,

He found comfort in the hesitant touch of his father.

Over sleepless nights and enduring days, 

A bond forged between the father, uncle and the young son,

As nervous hands held him upright,

Indeed it was a heartwarming sight.

As the virus sweeps across the country, cases are turning positive at the drop of a hat. While the mother delivered this baby at a Covid hospital, the baby waits for its  RTPCR Report, whilst being tended to by his loving father and dedicated uncle. Amidst the uncertain times we live in, here's a glimmer of hope and happiness! 💫

Summer Notes..

Three months in the neonatal inborn ICU and I'm now finally in the general Paediatrics side.

It's been tiring, what with the constant reshuffling and modified rosters popping up in the middle of the month but the saving grace is seeing some babies get well and go back to their mothers.

With the high sepsis rate in the NICU and lack of some of many essential features of a tertiary level NICU, it gets disheartening to see salvageable babies succumb after a couple of days. But once in a while, a few babies, by their sheer strength and will to survive, backed by the faith of its parents and spared by the sepsis of the ICU, are discharged with a long list of followups.
Particularly heartening is to see an extubated baby make it out of the critical phase and get discharged.
The interesting part is that I would often get to see these babies again in the HRB clinic (High Risk Baby Clinic for follow up of discharged NICU/ SBW babies) and we could see if they were on the road to catch up growth or sometimes, deteriorating further and needing interventions.

Unfortunately, unlike the previous months, single duties in the NICU were so hectic I barely had time to open my books. There were a couple of interesting cases like the Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia that was diagnosed almost 2 weeks later, the Colloidian Baby with a midline skin defect, the Hydrocephalus with myelomeningocoele and the probable Prune Belly Syndrome. There were of course CHDs which were either referred to Jayadeva Bangalore, mild enough for management here after consultation with the paediatric cardiologist at Jayadeva Mysore and some babies which deteriorated before evaluation.

In the midst of all this, we also managed to take breaks, laugh a little and of course, binge on cold coffees!

Towards the end of the month was the much anticipated wedding! I literally begged for leave by coordinating with my batchmates and giving them the time off that was due in order to do my replacement. At long last, after night duty mom and I set off to Bangalore. It felt good to be back after nearly 9 months except of course for the traffic! The first halt was Ajji mane where I caught up with the family and then Mama and I set off for our respective wedding receptions.

There's something overwhelming about seeing your close friends get married. Especially if you've seen them since class 1 and managed to keep in touch despite all the highs and lows, despite the distance and differences in profession.
It kind of hits home that, adulthood has finally set in, like it or not. Nevertheless, it was lovely to see the beautiful bride and groom dazzling on their big day! I also caught up with Mani after ages and had a lot of interesting JJM stories to hear. :)

Back to Vasanthnagar after this, Nidhz and I took a drive down to Sadashivnagar and had some Gelato in a laid back cafe with a lively vibe. The next morning we were up at the crack of dawn and headed to Lalbagh were Pinki joined us. We ambled around the gardens while Nidhi whizzed by and completed 5km. After some Idli and filter coffee at Brahmin's Coffee Bar (who knew they don't serve sambar with the idli there? :( ), it was time to head back, get dressed and rush to the wedding! The bride was simply stunning and there was an aura of grace and elegance that was inimitable. After catching up with the school friends and a quick lunch, it was time to head back home to 338 (only to find my beloved room in an utter state of disregard), say a quick hi to Mittu, Kittu and Kirpaapa and then head towards to the all too familiar Railway station where Pa dropped me off (as always) and waited till the train chugged out of the platform....

The past 2 weeks in General Paeds has been exciting, for the variety of cases I get to see and we had a good balance of hectic duty (36hours) and free time (ward work) that gave us time to read/ spend with the family. Unfortunately, the resurgence of Covid has only thrown us back into the mess that we were in last year with 5 day schedules in Covid, SARI, PICU wards and basically no unit system.

Sometimes I don't know what is it I look forward too, each morning but I tell myself that it's going to be worth it at the end of of day.

 
Here's hoping the days ahead are brighter,
The Covid cases are fewer,
The learning process is smoother
And Life is lived to the fullest. <3

Ecological Equations

  

Tender rays of sunshine upon the forest floor,

The glistening leaves glowing amidst the misted veil,

A peacock screams looking at the rising sun,

While tiny parakeets flutter out of their nests.

A faraway langur calls out from the treetops,

A herd of deer look out in vigilance,

A fawn grazes amidst the grass blissfully unaware,

While stealthy footprints mark the predators entry.

The rustling leaves betray a hint,

The blowing winds waft a deceptive scent,

The majestic carnivore marks his entry with grace,

While his dainty prey dash ahead on this deathly chase.

Elsewhere a bluewinged beauty takes flight from the treetops,

The sloth bear ambles around for termite treats,

Meditative gaurs graze with their feathered friend perched upon their back,

And a solitary mongoose scuttles across the track.

Noisy rustling and heavy footfalls precede the next entry,

Led by the matriarch, the pachyderms trumpet their way through the forest,

Nestled in their midst is their little one,

To protect their own, they stop at none.

And just like that, in a world of their own,

The creatures of the forest lived in harmony.

Untrampled by man, away from civilization 

Nature exists as a balanced equation. 

Quarantine Quibble

 After almost a fortnight of home isolation, it's time to get back into the familiar routine.

What began with a lot of confusion, trepidation and general anxiety slowly settled down into a routine of activities while being at home with the family.

While the past week or so has given me time to recharge and rewind, it's also made me realize how, as much as we are merely a resource to the establishment (and thus a burden or a liability when we are indisposed to work), every individual is a crucial part of the fragile system that we've built for ourselves.

While I definitely missed being around the babies (and even asked for updates from my co-PGs), I also had this time to:

• spend with my family (more so, my sister who barely gets to see me even though I technically stay at home since my usual routine is to leave before she rises and get back long after she's asleep),

• catch up on exercise (though it left me with sore limbs),

• Reconnect with my artistic side. (And thus also inspiring Di to do the same [in fact quite literally the same things that I did])

• Check out some tunes on my newly acquired Ukelele. (Although I'll admit this needs a lot more effort).

• Reinstalled Netflix and caught up with a few movies and series. Currently watching 'Anne with an E' and absolutely in love with the show. The innocence of childhood, that quirky spirit of Anne, her enthusiasm, love for life and her ever imaginative thinking make for a wonderful series. I wish I had read the books when I had the time!

• I also dabbled in a bit of cooking even if it wasn't for the basic stuff. It was good to bond in love for food and Madagascar chocolate (Shhhh!)

• Read a little everyday. Knowing how hard it is to get any time to sit down and read in PG life, this was actually a good time to open topics of my choice, read and make some notes. I also tried working on my synopsis although I'm still not sure if that's going to be the final version. :O

• And last but not the least, get back into that cursed habit of taking an afternoon siesta and waking up like it's tomorrow. (So wrong, yet so right! <3 )

So here's to the fortnight that basically brought forth what we'd managed to stay away from through last year. Here's hoping we've finally got the natural immunity against this disease and that we have no major sequels in future!

Adios!