While the birth of the baby gives you the title of mother/ father; it is truly through time and experience do you really begin to earn it.
After the initial endorphin rush settled and we made our way back home from Mangalore after a slight extension due to night of phototherapy, we slowly began to come to terms with how our lives have completely and irrevocably changed with the arrival of a little one who is so new into this world, so dependent on us for his most basic needs and undeniable made our lives so much more meaningful.
I will not deny, I found the first two to three weeks hardest (so far!). A lot of it had to do with me being a paediatrician and wondering constantly if I was feeding adequately, why my baby was not gaining weight and of course, the sleepless nights. Nothing can prepare you for the sleepless nights, not even the work experience of night duties at busy hospitals. But as the weeks go by, there comes a quiet pride in watching their contented smiles, even if they decide to bestow you with that smile at 2am.
It also made me realize that it indeed takes a village to raise a child. Even with a preplanned support system, the first 2-3weeks seemed absolutely draining. It wasn’t just the erratic sleep and 2nd hourly feeding, it was my body recovering after a major event.
Of course, at the back of my mind I was (and still am) always telling myself that women all over the world do this, so whats the big deal, why do you think this is hard. But of course, perceptions are different and everyone is allowed to have their own experiences.
Another aspect that is constantly crossing my mind is the comparison between the kind of parenting I received vs the one I am doing and I don’t think I can match up to those standards. However, I realized that I should look forward to create our own story rather than look backward to recreate my story. As is often reiterated, there is no “best” parent technique. Every parent tries to be the best for their child.
These sombre musings aside, it has also been a time for all of us to discover the child in us as we make our silly attempts to make him coo, giggle and smile. There is never a dull moment when he is awake and though the timetable is dictated by his sleep schedule, we manage to get things done nevertheless.
Watching him grow, observe and learn from his surroundings is exciting and reminds me of the days spent watching Divya ace her milestones. The excitement for her first roll over, her first crawl, sit and stand are all still etched in my memory. The days were hectic but somehow, we got through them.
So much of this phase has made me realize how my training as a paediatrician was always focused on “sickness” rather than also learning equally about healthy child. So much of the advice I had given to breastfeeding mothers seemed theoretical in hindsight and being a parent truly improved my insight as a paediatrician.
As we embrace this new chapter of our lives, adapt to the changes and look forward to the new member of our family, it also leaves me torn between wanting to devote all my time in the coming months watching him grow and also wanting to get back to work and slowly build my practice as a paediatrician. Somewhere between the two, I must find a midway and try to make it work with the help of a support system.
We also took a small trip to Sringeri by December end and Babba loved it. He was cooperative and managed to sleep without a cradle even though it was quite cold at night.
We have a short trip coming up next week followed by a longer trip to Bangalore where he will get to meet his great grandma and great grandpa hopefully and also many aunts uncles!
Until then, adios!
