January Jitters

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged that I’m not even sure I can make sense anymore. So here I am, back in Shimoga, starting off with 3rd year and having a whole new set of goals and (un)realistic expectations.

The past two months have been hectic, gruelling, sleepless and insane. What with confusion over which book to read for Pathology, trying to remember all the bacteria, accept that sexual harassment begins with parasites, cook up side effects for drugs and invent definitions for Forensic terminologies, it has been a mammoth marathon study session in the past two months.

What is also interesting is how each of us coped with the stress. Some turned into grouchy gits, some withdrew into their cocoon, some others resorted to music to shut out the world while a meagre percentage (which deserves a standing ovation) remained themselves and did not show the signs of psychosis.

So there were many things noteworthy since my last blog:

• Di and I had a good time after a really long time. I hadn’t been making time for her so these holidays I tried to make up for it but we still haven’t gotten past the accusation of “Akka, why are you always on Whatsapp?!” She’s smarter than we give her credit for and her thought process reminds me of the time when I too had such a pure and unadulterated mind. She’s a lot more practical while I was the dreamier kind. (I don’t think that has really changed though)

• Meeting up with a few friends (Pinki, Raksha, Sahana, Sindhura, Sanjana, Anjali, Medha, Akshata). It was good catching up with old folks but it also served as a good example of how we’re all constantly evolving in different ways so we can no longer expect to find the same common factors. Ideas evolve, priorities change, and so you can’t really expect that nothing changes. It also serves as an indicator of how people have grown in their respective fields since we all began on separate paths. There were many I couldn’t meet though I really wanted to thanks to the frugal holiday schedule of our college. (Sanjana, Anusha, Mani, V3, Preethi)

• There were also short trips with the family: 
• Pyramid Valley Meditation Centre on Kanakpura Road 
•  Club Cabana with the entire family which turned out to be a lot of fun :) 
• JLR Bandipur and Shukavana in Mysore

Bangalore seems so much more fast paced than when I moved out. Or else it’s just that I’ve become laidback even though I walk around like I’m not. 

•  I ran into Dale and the ENTIRE Deeksha gang at Vinny’s when I was at Green Trends. Nothing could get more awkward than the obvious silence. I have never wanted to use an Invisibility Cloak more. The creepiest bit was one of his crew mates saying “….. Bandipur….” Out of the blue!

•  I’ve restarted working out and I’ve even got a few apps that monitor the calorie counter, step count and all that techno jazz but let’s just hope I’m consistent. (Am I not hopelessly optimistic?)

•  So Abhi had this sudden idea that did not seem plausible initially but when I actually googled it, turns it has great potential. Basically, the bacteria on your phone are unique and share many OUT (Operational Taxonomical Units) commonly with the bacteria from your thumb and index finger which you use for texting. The idea is that every individual has a personal microbiome and this can actually be used in identification (something like a bacterial fingerprint)..

• I’m suffering from PEDD (Post Exam Depressive Disorder) even though I walk around like that’s a fake thing but believe me, it can happen to anyone. Symptoms include lack of enthusiasm in the proceedings of the class and surroundings and the persistent question popping up in mind “What am I really doing in life?”

Relationships with people have been rocky but maybe it has shown me more of who I am and maybe that’s why I’m so disturbed. Ego is a horrible thing that can ruin any relationship so just “throw it out of the window”.

Maybe (actually, definitely) this whole mood swing has got to do with an identity crisis. What am I turning out to be? When we were young, life was all about the next game, new friends, reading novels and there was never any real pressure to perform. As we grow older, responsibilities begin to creep and most of adulthood is probably all about how well we accept these responsibilities. Knowing that responsibilities are a part of life, accepting them with grace and still having the spring in your step, lilt in your voice and sparkle in your eyes would define a successful adult.

Losing enthusiasm is probably the worst thing ever. Your emotional graph reaches a plateau and barely oscillates northwards. We need the variations, that what makes life interesting.

Or maybe (just maaaybe) I’m suffering from PHRS (Post Haircut Regret Syndrome) which will abate in due course.

Seeya!