UnLearn.

Hello dear Readers (if any left..)

The past few weeks have been stressful to say the least. It was enlightening, humbling, disappointing, hopeful and yes, a lot of other adjectives. I think a major part of it was spent in fear and despair alternating with a state of panic provoking rapid action until the next wave would hit. I never thought I would question my choice of career or even spontaneously burst into tears owing to the exam stress.

Part of this is because when you’re in a hostel, you are with people trying to navigate the same kinda boat so you can’t really tell them how difficult you find boat riding and also when you’re conversations with your family are more on the lines of:

 “How are you doing?

I’m OK.

Okay? Okay.”

What I realized (much, much later) was that we can and we must be able to filter out how much of the stress we want to feel. Or anything else for that matter; we hold the keys to the amount of emotion we bring to the surface.

So coming to the pre exam era, I timed my meals with BP and we did a little of combined reading towards the very end and magically enough, there would be a few questions from our chosen topics. Sanjana and I would panic together, discuss a lot and then feel a little hopeful. Truly, it felt good to know how things are going on with someone else and clarify even the seemingly silly doubts! A special mention to the absolutely irrational obsession I had developed over my hair and the varying extent of damage it had suffered over the past few months thanks to my neglect and oh my my, that pure bliss when you finally go and get a haircut and feel damn good about yourself after a long time!! (You may split in piece for all I care now, I am a happier woman now B) )

 

During the exams, I had a lot of rituals. Now is where you begin to question my sanity but here goes:

• I HAD to wash up and THEN have my breakfast BEFORE 8 AM.
• I had to consume exactly two M&Ms on all days (so that it would last until the end of my last exams.
• I had to consume 1 Milano for each subject around 11 AM
• I had to have a spoonful of Nutella.
• And lastly, I HAD to have a spoon of Bella just before I left for the exams. (That wasn’t really a good idea considering its granular extra sweet aftertaste but RitualsMustNotBeViolated so it was duly followed.
• I also HAD to leave the room by 1.10 and arrive at the exam hall with Accamma ONLY by 1.30, then sit and breathe deeply until they gave the papers at 2.00PM

I later realized that this was all a cunning plot by my sly brain to pilfer more and more food until I was nearly always eating something/ just finished eating something. I barely allowed myself to feel any hunger until I would happily pounce on some Ragi/ Sprouts/Fruits/ Chocolates/Biscuits.

Coming to other matters, as a part of boosting my dwindling morale, here’s a lowdown on the year that was:

• Visited the Oh So Pristine Beaches of Andaman and Nicobar and gave a shot at Scuba Diving.
• Had my first Solo trip on my Birthday to Gokarna
• Tried my hand at Pleural Tap (even though I was only partially successful)
• Presented an adequately decent case in Paediatrics
• Read Psychiatry and did well in the state level quiz with Abhi
• Tried something I had become curious about.
• Did well in the Quiz at SIMS with Govi.
• Went to Delhi, Agra and Amritsar with classmates and juniors after endless train journeys and busy metro rides. Fell more in love with the idea of travel.
• Presented a Psychiatry Case and managed to win some books and $$
• Revisited Gokarna with AbhiBP and soaked in some more Vitamin Sea.
• Visited Kuppalli, Kavaledurga, Kundadri and Shringeri.
• Hosted Sanjana in Shimoga and finally caught up on our much needed girl time.
• Attended enough marriages to start dreading them for the likely conversations one gets entangled in. But let’s get dressed up anyway
• Made new friends (Anul, Naman, Robab and Bhargava), learnt to see newer perspectives, discover new ideas and share common interests.
• Learnt how much my existing friends mean to me. Lost a few friends too (prolli?)
• (Trying to) Learn to bother less about what she/he says/thinks. Learnt that I don’t owe an explanation except to the ones who matter to me.
• (Beginning to) Learn to accept people for who they are, understand why they are the way they are and just appreciate their existence in your life without question. It might make life easier for all you know..
• Learnt how much I miss Di. Beginning to appreciate how perceptive she is for a child her age, for everything she has seen and continues to see and yet remains one of the most enthusiastic kids I’ve been around.
• Learning to apologize/set things right with people and not just leave a blank space. (Atleast, try to.)
• Learnt how you need to believe in what you do. Learnt that you must not compromise on your beliefs. Realized I was happy at the end of the day when I had done what was right. Learnt to voice my opinions aloud and take a stance, to understand my own needs and desires better and thus have more coherence.
• Learnt that distance does NOT matter to keep true friendships alive. Thankful to the days I had Sanjana, Pingii and Anusha to just share our thoughts and woes and HOWTHEHELLCANIREADSOMUCHINSOLITTLETIMEIAMSODED kinda conversations.
• Learning to live and love life with each day, feel grateful for the things you’ve been blessed with and try to be a better person, even if, in the smallest way.

So apart from this abysmally long list, I’ve also begun to realize how much more I need to work in order to get where I want to get. I just hope the coming year will be a lot more fruitful and productive. Currently, I’m wondering what the hell I’m going to do on NYE in Shimoga considering how I stayed back keeping the practicals in mind and my panic prone pre practical phase.

Here are my heartfelt wishes for the upcoming year, for all the challenges ahead, the excitement and to the journey! :) <3