Blogtober

 

I would require several days if I really were to articulate everything that’s happened this year. But there’s no harm giving it an attempt!

Considering I’m in a sort of hibernation prior to the upcoming new event in our lives, I do have some time at hand to spare.

The first adventure of the year was at Chikmagalur where we found a unique way to bring in my 30s right in the middle of nature at Rivermist resort. The icing on the cake was to be able to spend time with Pa and Di, go on a river walk and swim in a natural pool. We also did some stargazing, some artwork and generally soaked in the vibe of being enveloped in the depth of Western Ghats.

After a quick trip to Hassan for a close friend’s wedding (may I take this moment to share that yours truly enjoyed a solo drive from Karkala to Hassan via the famed “Shiradi Ghat”) where I also met with Megha and Mahesh and it was so good to be back with old friends and banter just like our PG days. After the better half took a night bus to Hassan, we drove back to Karkala the next day and here again I enjoyed being behind the wheel (something I feel I don’t do enough).

The next big event was of course, the big trip to Kashmir which we had planned after a lot of dilly-dallying. This in fact, was our first flight together and my sole ambition was I wanted my husband to experience the magic of snow. While my prayers were answered, definitely, the cold and rainy weather made us question if I had, perhaps prayed too fervently for snow such that we were literally in the middle of rain and snow through most of the trip! Nevertheless, we did get to experience carpets of snow, light crystals of snowflakes falling gently and also some beautiful snow-capped mountains all around us. It was also a much needed vacay for us after a roller coaster ride navigating through everything life had been throwing at us.

The next two months passed by in a flurry of preparation for the wedding in the family, while simultaneously juggling father in law’s deteriorating health, while also tending to the needs of a teenage sister and overworked father who still tried to make time to visit us in Karkala/ Udupi through the punishing bus routes, even if, only for the day.

The wedding was beautiful and as a result of the situation at home, Suraj and I officiated a large part of the wedding rituals. It was also a great time for me to meet with my relatives who came down from Bangalore and Mysore. It was also a moment for my father in law to “heave a sigh of relief” as he had fulfilled an important responsibility.

But life is meant to throw curveballs at us so we might as well get used to that. While it is one thing to experience losing a loved one all of a sudden, with nothing to prepare you and not expecting it in the least; it is also something else to witness the slow decline of someone from the vibrant, energetic and dynamic personality to a mere shadow of what they were over time, ravaged by a disease. However, the saving grace is that it gives time to prepare. Prepare for the inevitable? Prepare for the beginning of the end? But when the time does come, you realize that no preparation is enough or will ever be. There also comes the ethical debate of how much suffering should a person really endure if they are not really “living their best life”? But these answers are not in black and white so there is no straight answer to these, we realized. The best we can do is support our loved ones through their sickness and difficult times to the extent they wish to be supported.

While June gave me a chance to fly to Bangalore for a quick trip to Vnagar and for Suraj and I to take a trip to Mangalore one weekend where we enjoyed an old beachside resort and I had a chance for a good swim, July gave me the chance to drive down to Mysore after nearly 6 months! It was good to be back home and we got to spend time with my dad on his big day. It also made me realize my dad’s hip was not getting any better but it all depended on when he was ready to act on it. Suraj also came down to Mysore for a quick stop but a call from home changed everything and we rushed back (over 6-8 hours) to Udupi to see my father in law had deteriorated over the weekend.

The next week was probably the hardest so far in the cancer journey because it was a point of no return. The saving grace was knowing that we had tried and he too had fought bravely for two years until the very end. We spend our lives chasing goals and dreams, but we must also remember to tell our loved ones how much they mean to us and also show them. I believe Suraj definitely made a difference in this aspect.

While August came with its set of new challenges, this included a visit to Bangalore where we met the intended Orthopaedic surgeons and my father finally decided he was ready to get a brand new hip. Following this visit was a small event to celebrate that a new member would be added to our family soon. This was at a beautiful sea-side location and while it was rainy and windy, it didn’t dampen our spirits in the least. Rather, it energized us to celebrate the start of a new beginning with all our loved ones around us. Right after this event, we took a flight to Bangalore and in the following week, the surgery was scheduled in Bangalore.

Definitely this was one of the most stressful times over the past few months, and I realized, being a doctor only compounds your anxiety as a patient attender. Nothing can alleviate the stress as you wait outside the OT, hoping to hear from the doctor that everything went smoothly. Luckily, those few hours passed quickly and I saw dad wheeled into the room soon enough, albeit a little sedated from the cocktail of drugs coursing through his veins. The next few days passed by the hospital with a lot of medications and initiation of physiotherapy and soon enough, he was discharged and we were off to Mysore.

While I knew the surgery was in the hands of one of the best orthopaedic surgeons, what I was always concerned was how to navigate the post operative recovery process which was equally important. I knew that this was the part where my involvement was crucial, but I was also probably not as energetic as I would have been in any other scenario. But sometimes, Fate conspires to give you the powers you didn’t know you had within you. While I was extremely anxious about dealing with a 99 year old grandfather, a teenage sister, a boisterous dog and my father who had limited mobility in a walker, all in my 3^rd trimester, slowly and steadily, over the next few days and weeks, the situation began to fall in place. With the help of a caretaker for my grandfather, a cook and maid for the house, the dog being sent to a “pet resort” for a short vacation, a physiotherapist to come home and train my father, my role was mostly that of a traffic police to ensure smooth movement of all the processes. As for my sister, I realised so much had changed since I had left Mysore, but nevertheless I enjoyed the time spent with her (and hoped she did enjoy my existence there too..)

As the days passed, I began to cherish the days spent with my family and kept myself busy with the daily chores, did my yoga thrice a week, engaged in some Mandala art, built a LEGO car with my dad and generally had some time to spend with my sister in the midst of her hectic PUC Schedule. Indeed it was a tough call when I had to get back to Karkala after 3 weeks in Mysore.

I’ll also take a moment to share that this could have happened only because my department was extremely supportive of my need to be with my father during this crucial time. It isn’t every HOD who tells you that “taking care of your parent is your birthright, nobody can stop you from that.. “

The Karkala staff were also supportive and helped me to be there for my dad in this crucial phase even though August and September were probably the busiest months of the year. Following my stay in Mysore, it was back to work in Karkala but probably at a slower pace than earlier.

We also FINALLY made the shift to a bigger residence in the hospital campus and began the process of making the house a “home”. While I would honestly call our earlier residence as a hut, the reality is, it was a cute cottage which we grew out of. But for 1.5 years, through rain and shine, it was a cozy nook for us. This also meant we that now that we were out of  1BHK, We invited my MIL to come and stay with us whenever she wanted to. Setting up a new home has its

own excitement and having seen my parents do it multiple times as we initially shifted across rented houses in Bangalore to our own home in Banashankari and then to Mysore, I kind of knew the drill. But being there, doing it yourself and taking decisions (and paying for it), is definitely a different feeling. J

As we crossed over from September to October, I definitely noticed some change in my energy levels but I’ve been trying not to laze around (which is what LITERALLY EVERYONE around me has been asking me to do). But I think the body has a way of signalling its need for rest and sometimes it’s best to listen to those cues. We took one quick trip to Bekal last weekend and the nice part was my MIL had a lot of new experiences. I hope to make her see more of the world and generally try to catch up on everything she’s always wanted to do but couldn’t do. As always, we had a quick swim and then a trip to the beachside. The resort was a quiet tranquil retreat for us and after this, we headed to Mangalore for the original purpose of meeting my doctor.

As I prepare for what’s ahead, it also makes me aware that my parents too, probably had the same roller coaster of emotions as they awaited my arrival. It’s humbling to know that being a doctor doesn’t change most of the emotions because, at the end of the day, everything isn’t always in our control, although we might like to think it is.

I've also had the chance to be pampered with several books over the last few months: