Monday, August 17, 2015

Too Little, Too Late.

So last Saturday was the trip to Kodachadri. One memorable trek with friends. We started at 4 AM, spent the early hours at Shivappanayaka Fort in Hosanagara (where we clicked loads of pigs) and then traveled to Kodachadri. We then traveled via jeeps on a bumpy road upto the guest house and had our breakfast and then began the trek uphill. We first visited the Shankaracharya temple and another cave-like temple and then returned to the guesthouse for lunch. After this we began another slippery trek towards Hidlumane falls on a damp drizzly route infested with leeches. After what seemed like forever, after several slips, falls and moments when I was sure I wouldn't make it, we all finally reached the falls and it sure was worth the arduous trek! We rushed into the waterfalls and the force of the water literally hit us like pellets of stones. After spending ample amount of time in the water, it was time to begin the trek back to the starting point and this was another challenge as part of the route was along the course of the rivulet. Thankfully we all made it before nightfall and refreshed ourselves in Hosanagar and then reached college by 10:30 PM. It was one of my first such experiences with friends and I couldn't have possibly made it without their help and support (and even taunts :P ) at every step of the journey! :) Here's wishing that we have many more such excursions in the future and explore uncharted territories. One of the things that made me happiest is the fact that Ma and Pa were glad about the trip. For me, it's a big step that they were happy about the trip and did not reprimand me for being a part of it. It gave me a lot of happiness to see that my parents understand my happiness and share the same. 

Post the trip, all of us were exhausted beyond description. It took us a day or two to get back to normal gait. It was with much reluctance that we submitted the "Patho Assignment" of a Mind Map of Polycythemia on the following Monday.

This weekend I'd been home since Di hadn't been keeping too well. We spent some time over NSO and IMO and then Di transformed into Harshaali Malhotra and I had the honor of a photo session with her. After the customary Baddie, shopping and Paakashala session we also watched a play at KH Kalasouda where Atthe, Mama, Nidhz and Ajji joined us. 

The play "Atheetha" is about a famous criminal lawyer who is presumed to have led a perfect flawless life. He is approached by a young lady for his Biography. After much ado, he agrees and begins the narration of his not-so-innocent life where his spotless record actually was just an illusion because beneath was a man who did not care for anyone but himself and his family suffers the consequences. He is beyond guilt because he rationalizes all his actions and does not seem to have a conscience. He shows no remorse for theft, adultery, forcing an abortion or losing a case on purpose as a favour for a politician. This happened to be the first intense play I've watched and the actors did a superb job and brought tears to many of us with their heartrending performance. 

So we had the Patho quiz today in class and I've done crappily enough to rule out getting selected. I feel unworthy of conversation with Icaboo after everything.

When the present becomes a repeat telecast of the past, it only fills you with dread. Currently using the device that I used in 2012-13 and it brings back some dark memories. Those were times when integrities were questioned, arguments were baseless and nights were endless. There were some terrible days then and I still wonder, why do we put up with it? Will there ever by an answer? Turns out that there isn't much difference between the past and the present except that no one has a clue what to do, no one has the energy left in them to deal with such horrors again and no one will ever voluntarily associate with us in such a state. This time, I'm not even around to do anything significant. When the people around us have metamorphosed beyond recognition, then, my friend, you are truly lost. 

All this seems like a wake up call that reality is not in fact, what I've been living. It is what I've been denying all along. It is indeed sad to hear that there is no use of education or employment when there is no compatibility between individuals. In life, any tide, any storm can be overcome when two individuals believe in each other. Without that, life is a misery to themselves and those around. The very foundations upon which your beliefs rest begin to crumble, leaving you orphaned to the brutalities of the world. It fills me with dread when I think about the future when the present itself is so bleak. There is no greater loss than the loss of hope. When one has lost hope that better days shall come, one is truly lost. It fills me with dread when I think about the ones who depend on me for better days. What am i if I cannot help those who require my presence in the hour of need? A coward? Or a selfish fool? What am I if I cannot give hope to those who have shown me that hope is everything? It is hard to digest that at the end of the day, dreams shall perish after being starved of hope and support. All the things that I had imagined since a child will remain etched as figments of a creative mind. Reality is a brutal whip that slashes across your tender hopes when you least expect it.

There's no running away from reality when it has decided to haunt you for the rest of your life. You might as well tell yourself you've been living a lie all along. 

I never promised to be nice.