Spontaneity Is The Best.

Before I blog about everything else, I MUST  tell you about the events of yesterday in which I'm still absorbed because it was the most unexpected thing that happened in a long time.

So we had our MicroB test yesterday (Immune response) and my plans for visiting McGann Hospital once again went for a toss so there I was sitting in the room with a not so definite plan of doing some Across MCQs and completing my records while watching my roommate pick her wardrobe for a shaadi when out of the blue Nammu ma'am, Anu and their friend decide that I'm going to join them. With no more details than "Get ready and come in 2 minutes" I had no clue where we were heading.

When I got to the gate, I realized it was Gaadi Scenes!! It had been over 6 weeks since I had any ride on a gaadi so I was plenty excited and thrilled despite the initial trepidation that I would feel like a fish out of water. Nevertheless, we made our way to Gopalagowda extension and then headed towards Gajanur Dam.

Blue skies and glimmering waters.

Nammu ma'am being an awesome rider made the journey exciting by making me try a few stunts. The best feeling is of the wind rushing against your face, the scenic beauty whizzing by, the sheer speed of the vehicle leaving you teary-eyed, a beautifully empty road that never seems to end and company that you enjoy! We reached there in no time and the view was beautiful. Although we weren't allowed to go much further, the calm and placid waters was a treat to the eyes. After this we continued further on a road that was mostly deserted and offered a beautiful view of the reservoir.. After Sakrebailuru and View point we made our way back to the city and I finally got my hands on the gaadi (It wasn't hard at all, despite the difference in CC with respect to my Scooty Pep+)

Happiness lies in venturing out to explore. :)

After some customary hogging at Cafe Chillax (for the second time in a week) and samosas it was time to head back to college. The skies had darkened, the stars were twinkling and Shimoga traffic is known for it's waywardness, but we rode back to college anyway. I was so glad that I could do it without any hitch! There's a small stretch on NH17 just before the college which has a bend and overlooks the Purle Lake (which is now filled with overgrown and untamed weeds) which has no street lights. Speeding through this stretch in the darkness with the lights of "Subbaiah Palace" glimmering in the distance is a moment to be cherished. :D

Anu, Nammu ma'am and Me :)

The happiest bit is that I sent the pictures to MaPa and (surprisingly, shockingly, astonishingly, thankfully) they did not reprimand me but were quite happy that I had a good time and a safe journey.

Shades are the hottest thing that happened to Mankind. :P

Spontaneity is the best possible phenomenon. Always make room for the unknown, always embrace that which is unexpected because good things are very often surprise packages! 

All thanks to Nammu ma'am, the roomie who turned around a sleepy Saturday into someting so memorable. :D 

Adios, folks. :)

Let It Go.

There's so much I'll have to blog about but there's no way I can do it. I'll have to do it in installments or just present the highlights (In bullet points, my eternal favourite.)

So here's what's happened since my last post:

• Bhopiee called me. (The very same day I posted my last blogpost which was a tad depressed to say the least.) It made me immensely happy and I love how she totally understood my predicament and offered some genuine advice to stay sane inspite of all the turmoil.
• Maidha called me. (After reading my previous post. It is noteworthy and ought to be mentioned because Sheepie calling up is a rarity that must be applauded. :P )
• We've had two Microbiology tests and a Pharmacology test.
• We attended a wedding in Shimoga and hogged on some banana leaf dinner after what seemed like forever. Yet another spontaneous event, we got all dressed up, blessed the couple and had some good food and returned fashionably late to the hostel.

  

  All set to attend the wedding :)

  

  Selfie in the Wedding.

• We celebrated Kannada Rajyothsava in college (where Pranesh, a humorous Kannada speaker and the Dollu Kunitha troupe provided entertainment.) So the entire event was Kannada themed and some of the performances were really good. 

Naada Geethe singing in progress.

• Random things tend to be a lot of fun, as I've discovered lately. DO NOT LAUGH. -_-

Sliding down the stairs on a mattress. :P

• I got into trouble with the Patho HoD in his class (inspite of showing him that I'd made notes of what he'd been teaching and he has decided to commit my face to his memory so that I get to make a fool of myself repeatedly. I'm just hoping that he won't remember me in his class in the coming week.
• Surgery postings are over and now we're having General Medicine postings. The initial few classes were taken by Dr. Mahendrappa who is from SIMS Govt. college. His classes are like a treasure trove of knowledge thanks to his immense experience at the reputed government hospital in the city. Several diseases are endemic to certain regions such as Kyasanur Forest disease which is prevalent in this region of fluorosis which is more common in Mundargi or Leprosy which is of higher incidence in Mysore. The way in which he describes anecdotes and cases that he has seen during his service in SIMS makes me wish I was also a part of such a 'real' medical college, brimming with patients, where you acquire soft skills and your experiences are more vast. (My desire to see McGann was partly fuelled by his classes). Apart from him there's also Dr.Shekharappa from SIMS who is also extremely good and doesn't divert much from the topic assigned (which is something I don't mind though. :P )
• Vaibhav Sir has been giving pearls of wisdom (laced and decorated with exceeding wit and sarcasm). It's amazing how some people are so knowledgeable about everything under the sun! It's not just about the field of study you are engaged in but also about everything else. His words are most often caustic yet we (OK, FINE, Maybe just Abhi and I) end up grinning like idiots over every statement that's even remotely witty). The making of a doctor is a long, arduous one and that requires sacrifices, tremendous will power and dedication. Somewhere, I guess we're nowhere near that. There's still miles and miles to go before we're even close to getting on the path towards being that person. To be "Somebody" in the medical field is not an overnight phenomenon. It happens after several years of patience, perseverance and practice. It's something that can be lost overnight, though.
• I've been eating out lately and hogging to gargantuan extents. Morning jogging and baddie sessions have temporarily ceased and must be resumed at the earliest. Hogged twice this week. Tuesday was at Cafe Chillax, Thursday with Adi at Mathura Central and Saturday again at CC.
• Amazon delivered to Shimoga. :) 

1. Ganong's Review of Medical Physiology
2. Basic and Clinical Pharmacology by Katzung
3. Phantoms in the Brain by VS Ramachandran
4. Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

• And today, We'd been to Gajanur Dam and Sakrebailuru on gaadis. (Separate post about this up next! :D )
• Will finally be heading home next week (after nearly 6 weeks. The longest I've stayed on this campus) but it'll be for just a few days. Cannot WAIT to see MaPaDi and play with my hyper Bheemi.
• Oh yes. How could I forget? I'm possibly the BIGGEST Loser in the world. -_- I just don't get it! I have the horrrible, terrible, annoying, frustrating and depressing habit (Oh yes, this was the third time. :( ) of losing money. It just disappears randomly and no amount of searching, scavenging and excavation yields any positive result. I mourned over my loss for a day, carried out a massive search program in my room and the room I frequent most (Hula's room) and yet there was no hope. The worst part is there is no answer to what happened to it. :/
• 2014 is in its last leg and it actually seems like yesterday that I'd slept off on New Year's Eve after an evening out with MaPaDiMe, Atthe, Mama, Nidhi, Ajji, Poornima Aunty and family at Pai Viceroy.. So much has happened in this year. So many events, so many memories, so many experiences, so much to learn from... 

Oh yes, I could blog further about many more things that have been happening in my not so ordinary life but then Sundays are so rare they can't just be spent on the laptop. 

Off to Camp Laibu! :D

Melancholic Reveries.

I know, I shouldn't resort to such frequent blogging but maybe I just need to vent and I've always issued the statutory warning that I tend to rant, ramble, crib, criticize and wallow in unregulated moodiness.

When the pain starts, it doesn't announce itself and knock at the doors of your heart. It doesn't seek your permission and be the polite guest, It doesn't bother with such niceties. It comes like the whirlwind that uproots houses from their firm foundations, it barges through your defenses when you're least expecting it to and pierces you with the intensity that leaves you grasping for breath. The pain saps you of all the thoughts you fill yourself up with in the hope of finding happiness. The pain manifests itself as your Achilles heel; as the memories that leave you in despair, at the events that refuse to fade away from your mind, as the little things that once made you mad with joy but now leave you tearful at the mere thought of them, as the gestures that brightened your day once upon a time, as the smallest things that once meant the world to you, as the nostalgia of what is lost forever, as the castles you'd built in the air that have now crumbled into nothingness, as the little bit of infinity you had hoped to have, as the reality what exists, the miracles that may never materialize and as the Happy Ending that is never meant to be.

What could be more painful than that? I'll tell you, it's the task of masking your pain with layers and layers of paint, gloss and glitter, to feel a happiness that is not yours, to feel the happiness of another person when all you feel is hollow and empty, to share that happiness that proceeds to drain you, leaving you like a withered plant. Is it so easy to watch as you give up on what could have been, what should have been and what might have been? Is it so easy to fake what you do not feel? But the one affected most is the one pretending to feel something they do not. It's toxic to nobody but themselves. It leaves you pondering as to who you really are, why is it that you choose to put up the facade when you can embrace what you really feel and voice your opinion. To watch the smile of another, you will often have to shed that silent tear. A silent, lonely tear that shall dry upon your cheek with not a soul to bother about its existence. You learn to watch and teach yourself to be happy for others, you tell yourself not to be selfish, you convince yourself that you shouldn't covet what isn't yours and you master the nuances of concealing your pain. 

Sometimes, it may help to pretend like it doesn't affect you. It is wishful thinking to imagine that the arrows aimed to stab you can make no injury, the barbs aimed at you leave no imprint, and to be honest, that probably works for a while. But suddenly, you can't take it anymore, it crashes upon you, wave upon wave, each with increasing intensity,each inducing the pain you had tried to ignore, until you realize you're drowning.

The worst thing about the pain is the memories. What can be more awful than the fact that the memories that you cherished once are now nightmares? Reminiscing about the moments that once enlivened your spirit now induces a dull aching sensation, worse still, is to confront the factors causing the pain with happiness and joy when all you feel is emptiness. 

You teach yourself to grow stronger, focus on bigger things and live life with more meaning. You tell yourself to steer clear of the thoughts that haunt you, you bury yourself in the things that make you happy, you decide to immerse yourself in the midst of people to forget what you really feel, you let music incite a numbness towards the pain, you adopt a cynical approach to ridicule the things that once mattered to you, you decide that your priorities are something else after all, you convince yourself that your responsibilities weigh heavily upon your shoulders and you shake yourself back into your senses... Until the next time the pain decides to visit you, that is.

Those days were idyllic and perfect,

The memories are pristine and well kept.

The past that was once flawed seems perfect,

As the nostalgia approaches, in the fond memories, I wept.

Every word, every phrase is etched in me,

But it hurts because you'll never bother to see.

Those days were the best but I realized too late,

But it hurts because to you, I was merely a bait.

I learn to smile despite the tears that threaten at the brim of my eyes,

But it hurts because you're deaf to the silent cries.

I decide bravely that it doesn't matter anymore,

But I realize it isn't the easiest chore,

To forget and move on,

To have hope and dream on.

But a day shall surely arrive,

When I shall succeed and strive.

And these memories will mean nothing

But an ugly scar in a beautiful movie called my life. 

Currently addicted to:

• The Heart Wants What It Wants: Selena Gomez (I don't like the fact that she cries in the beginning though)
• Welcome To New York: Taylor Swift

It's ABOUT time I start off on some caffeine. Coffee probably induces a sense of purpose in my system. Coffee makes my life more meaningful, definitive and productive. Or maybe I'm just mildly addicted to its stimulating effects.

A Pharmacology test is approaching and it's about time I stop reading about neuroleptics and their mode of action and the scary number of side effects they can cause and read what we might be questioned on, that is Pharmacodynamics and Pharmacokinetics. It's becoming alarmingly evident that I'll have to constantly keep revising the basics that we read in first year to gain a better grasp of what we're learning presently.

Adios, friends. I'll probably be back sooner than you'd like (If I can't resist the urge to blog, that is)

Okay? Okay.

I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, my friend. 

Ah, yes. Finally. After several failed attempts, the celestial beings finally granted my wish of watching The Fault In Our Stars, several months after reading the movie. The movie was pretty good (as was the book) and touching at several junctures. But the hazard of watching the movie with anybody else (particularly someone prone to high lacrimal activity) is that your own lacrimal activity is stifled. Nevertheless, some of the quotes were truly thought provoking. 

"Some infinities are bigger than other infinities."

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

"You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you."

And so on. It's a movie that makes you think, ponder, contemplate and yet not make any groundbreaking discovery.

Apart from this I've also watched certain movies I don't take a lot of pride in naming (Ok, not what you think I think you're thinking. [Shush, that makes perfect sense.] But the sanest dialogue was probably this,
"You give me premature ventricular contractions. You make my heart skip a beat."

Sheesh. Seriously? And the thing that cracked me up is that she's a graduate from MIT who then makes it to medical school. (Or maybe I'm the one obsessed with stereotypes. -_-) Nevertheless, a mighty waste of talented star cast such as Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman.

Oh, and Abhi and I have begun the House MD Marathon. (Yeah, I've barely watched a few episodes and it's about time that I amend that.) I've also embarked on the mission to watch Sherlock. 

And if you're wondering how is it that I'm watching so many things, it's because I've finally got my Lappy! :D I'm extremely excited that I can finally blog more frequently and use it for reading up more about what we're learning.'

On the college front, Life is progressing fairly sunnily, lecturers have begun to turn up the tempo and there seems to be a quirky kind of equilibrium setting in. Not the most ideal, but certainly different, certainly a welcome change.

In Microbiology, we basically study all about the microorganisms, like bacteria, viruses, fungi, particularly the ones that are pathogenic in nature. So right now we're still in the basics where we're learning about Culture Media. Basically, bacteria need the appropriate medium to grow and exhibit their properties. One example is the MacConkey Agar medium which is used to differentiate Gram positive and negative bacteria based on their inability/ability to ferment lactose in the medium. Similarly, there are different media to distinguish between different species of bacteria and also to demonstrate a particular bacteria specifically.

And that made me wonder, aren't we also the same? We require the right environment, the right 'culture' to bring out the best in us. We interact differently with the people around us based on our surroundings and we are different under different circumstances. I agree, there's not much sense in what I'm rambling, but this just made me realize that we have a lot more in common with Bacteria than we care to recognize.

Another thought that struck me today in the middle of MicroB lab again is the serendipity of the Gram staining technique. To put in simple words, you take your slide containing the sample of the bacteria to be studied, apply a primary dye like crystal violet, follow it up with Iodine, acetone and then a secondary dye such as carbol fuschin. And this brings out two main categories of Bacteria, gram positive and gram negative, (named after Christian Gram, the man behind the procedure) which show several distinctive properties. My thought is rather random, but then, how did Mr. Gram know that those exact same substances, in the exact same order would yield a method to distinguish between bacteria, that would be employed even 100 years later? The funniest thing is, there apparently no strong explanation for this differential staining technique. My point is, if I took a bacterial sample X and added substance A, B and C and then add the same substances on sample Y, definitely, there would be a difference in the reactions. It's like he worked out the reason for the difference in staining after the experiment and not the other way round. A scientific method is one in which you test a hypothesis by conducting an experiment to prove your point. To me, this looks like a case of the other way round.

It's either that, or I'm turning loonier with each passing day.

 One thing I'm extremely glad about is the fact that I've been exercising regularly. My morning begins with a good round of jogging (through chilly mist) and is followed by a tiring game of baddie. I only hope that this trend is not just a fad but persists longer. After all, it's important to stay fit, considering the high calorie diet we ingest in the mess everyday.

Speaking of food, the other day, we had our own meal which consisted of:

• Sweet Corn Veg Soup
• Salad (with sprouts, pomogranate, corn, carrots, cucumber, lemon, chillies, onion, Kurkure and some seasonings to lend it a tangy flavour)
• Sandwiches
• Aloo Patties
• Kheer

Om Nom Nom. :D

Cooking together was a lot of fun and it is highly likely that such an event will recur at regular intervals.

As always, there's so much more that I want to go on about, I want to finish my story, I want to write a poem, I want to buy a few things online, I want to be blessed with amazing metabolism, I want 30 hours in a day to study first year portions so that I don't keep feeling guilty for having passed first year.... But then

The world is not a wish granting factory....

:)

Living in Synergism.

Why is it that I have innumerable blog-worthy things buzzing around in my head half the time but they all dissipate when I actually sit down and go about it? -_-

There is SO Much going on that I feel comfortably numb regarding most of the things. It's like I don't get to dwell on anything for too long, even if I want to because there's something else equally important that comes to the forefront. Maybe this IS a good thing, but I'm used to lot more introspection than I'm getting to do at the moment.

There are times when you decide set aside everything you feel, bottle them up and fling it away into a Black Hole. It may hurt, it may seem irrational, but at the end of the day it'll make you a stronger person. It isn't the easiest thing; to let go of the things you cling on to, of the things you covet, of the hopes that lie buried deep within you (be it any seemingly unconquerable ambition to any trivial matter) but when you do; your burden gets tremendously lighter. Maybe, it all happens for a reason, maybe as Vaibhav Sir eloquently phrased it, "There is a method in the madness." At the end of the day, it's all about how much importance I decide to give to anything in my life. Of course, it's all easier said than done. Practically speaking, compartmentalizing my thoughts isn't child's play. I ponder, I think, I overthink and yet there seems to be no finality, no answer to the questions.

Like I've mentioned before (although in an entirely different context), it's amazing how malleable our minds are. We (or maybe it's just me) change our perception of people continually and after a while, you realize you have nothing in common anymore. You try to wriggle out of the den you've created around yourself but that isn't easy either. I guess I'm constantly evolving (hopefully for the better) and in each stage, there are different people who will walk in and walk out. Some have remained through several stages, some shall remain forever. The hard part is when you realize they no longer play a part in your life anymore. (An inappropriate example would be the snake shedding its skin at regular intervals) to metamorphose into something new.

At the end of the day, the "I told you so" feeling has been growing stronger than ever. What seemed like a harsh proclamation many months ago now seems like the inevitable truth. Some truths are meant to be bitter, some lessons are learnt the hard way and some mistakes can't be undone. But then again, we are defined by our positives as well as our negatives, our good and bad, our triumphs and mistakes constitute who we are, it makes us what we are...

Non Competitive Equilibrium in Pharmacology is a term applicable for the drugs administered into the system. When the agonist (high affinity towards receptor, high efficacy) and the antagonist (high affinity, zero efficacy), which are similar, act together on the same receptor, it decreases the potency of the drug (DRC shifts to the right) but the efficacy remains unchanged... (or something like that, I'm sleepy) Maybe that's how I wish to be.. Through good and bad.. my response shouldn't oscillate to extremes. I wish to attain that state of balance and constancy in my life and remain efficacious in my efforts irrespective of any other factors.

Moving on from such deep (and dumb) reflections, Microbiology is a a germy affair, Pathology is progressing in snail's pace (Casseous Necrosis is seen in the Lung. But did you know that Casseous comes from the Casein which is the protein in milk which is denatured to Paneer which is known as Cottage Cheese. So that explains why it's known as Cheesy necrosis. Pharmacology discussion classes have necessitated regular reading to prevent flop shows but the graph of Portion Covered Vs.Time Taken to cover it is quickly becoming a Linear graph compared to the initial stages of Hyperbola.

When I'm not dozing with my eyes open during any sleep inducing class, I'm forever searching beautiful quotes on Instagram.