Retrospective Study.

Sometimes, the smallest things take up the largest place in our heart. –Quote along similar lines by Winnie the Pooh.

Truth is bitter and there is nothing more disagreeable than hearing it from the very people who you thought would defend you. When your worst fears are confirmed by the one you trust the most, you really don’t know yourself anymore. I am not who I was, I don’t like who I am but I can’t seem to understand when did I even change. It’s like cancer, growing within you insidiously, destroying you surreptitiously from the inside until one day you wake up to see that you’re no longer who you were. The question is, how much has this cancer progressed? Can I really get back to who I was? My problem is why do I believe so much in the goodness of “who I was”? Maybe I’ve had the flawed gene for a long time now…

Dad studied in Suratkal for 5 years and he describes his hostel life as one of the experiences that taught him a lot about life. One of the reasons (other than the gaadi) for his reluctance on me shifting out of campus was his belief that staying in would teach me a thing or two about people skills and also give me a lot of memories of hostel life. It’s been over 30 years and he still has a connection with some of them. Question is will you be remembered 30 years from now? Career, life, family and everything moves on but we always remember how people made us feel

Once you’ve recognized that there is a problem at hand, you need to figure out a way to eradicate the problem by the roots. I don’t know where or how to begin and honestly if it would make a difference but I will have to make an attempt. It feels like broken glass can’t be pieced back together but to know that I’m no different from the very people I wanted to differ from makes me want to try harder. Giving up on people is easy (and that’s the convenient route I’ve been taking) but the challenge lies in trying to set things right even when you want to walk out. I’ve been saying that school and college friends know me well and they are all the friends I need, but is that an excuse? I guess not.

In the end, we all want to be happy doing what we love with the people who matter to us and being there for the people who mean everything to us. Is that so hard? It actually is when you aren’t sure of what you’re doing AND you don’t know anybody anymore!

Along happier lines, MaPaDi were here over the weekend since Di’s done with her final exams (and I wasn’t really making any headway with my internals preparation). We did a short trip to Jog falls and it was good. It is also likely that the highlight of 2016 will be in the month of May. I can’t say much until it’s all finalized but I’m super excited to be traveling again!

Movie Marathon:

1. Deadpool (Profanity Fest! A witty and sarcastic take on a superhero movie instead of the usual glorification)
2. Scent Of A Woman (a 90s classic, Al Pacino plays a blind man out to fulfil a few of his last desires and to help him in his quest is a young boy with troubles of his own)
3. Flipped (Probably one of the cutest movies I’ve ever watched in the most non cheesy way because the protagonists are still kids. It also makes you think because there is a lot of truth in what’s said…)

I’ve been cycling lately (thanks to VP’s cycle and Liki managing to get it to campus) with Abhi and BP and it’s a lot of fun! :)

On the academic front, last week was my disastrous Ophthalmology seminar and I clearly didn’t put enough time or effort into it and hence suffered the consequences for the same in front of my 90 classmates. ENT postings are coming to an end and not a day passes without the juniors piping up with the answers whether it’s related to Pharmacology or Anatomy. The good thing is that in spite of the shortage of cases in this season, Lohith Sir explains every case and tries to give us an orientation about ENT.

Toodles :)