It's Always A Good Time. :)

Hello there! 

There have been a lot of things going on lately. I guess it would make sense to use bullet points.

•  I’ve been making several online purchases and they include:
• Cuckoo’s Calling (Robert Galbraith)
• Paper Towns: John Green
• So basically it made for an okay-ish read. There were some concepts that I liked but the style and language wasn’t really the kind of literature that I would prefer. After reading refined English in classics, it is hard to find that quality of writing in recent authors. The themes may be relevant, the metaphors may be applicable but I find myself intermittently wondering why I am I reading something like this.
• Some of the quotes from the book that I liked:
•  It’s so hard to leave- until you leave. And then it’s the easiest goddamned thing in the world.
• If you don’t imagine, nothing ever happens at all.
• When did we see each other face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that we were just looking into ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in, the light can get out.

• Recently, there has been a growing popularity of the Dubsmash App in the Girl’s hostel. We got this fun app from Sana (Arsikere) and spent several days lip-syncing to some famous actor’s popular dialogue and then laughing over the same for the next few hours! This time, Di and I had a great time bonding over Dubsmash (“Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi, na mumkin hai” delivered by an angry Divya :P )

• I’ve been watching some movies lately and most of them have turned out to be good choices.
• Phantom: We watched this in the theatre and it makes for an interesting face paced thriller albeit without much room for emotions or drama but I suppose that’s how it’s got to be.
• Gabbar is Back: Happened to watch it on the way to Bangalore. Not bad, but nothing good either. The scenes regarding the money minded schemes of doctors could have been altered because it potrays the medical profession in poor light.
• Om Shanthi Oshana: A cute Mallu movie
• Shawshank Redemption: Back in Deeksha, I’d heard of this movie while playing dumb charades but never had a chance to watch it. A beautiful movie! 

•  I’d been home for the festival and I did the complete vratha after about 4 years. I’m so glad that I could be a part of the celebrations and the entire pooja went on smoothly all thanks to amma’s preparation that began a week in advance. There’s nothing like the satisfaction of being involved in the festival and wholeheartedly participating in the rituals. What we follow is what has been passed on from one generation to the next. In our quest to eagerly accept modernization/Westernisation we must not conveniently choose to forget tradition and culture. Another thing I sorely missed is singing (the Carnatic/light music kind). Although I sound like a pleasant frog at best, it has always given me some satisfaction to sing these songs. I’ve never really been comfortable to sing the same way back in the hostel so I refrain from bothering my vocal chords. We had a few guests over and when I had to sing, I realized that unlike what I read in textbooks, the songs I’ve learnt are etched as ROM (or is it RAM?! :’) ) in my brain and *touch wood* has not evaporated even though it’s been a decade since I learnt some of the songs.

*Experiments*

Family Selfiee!

Pooja scenes :)

• Some of the latest songs that are reverberating in my mind include:

o   Saaware : Phantom

o   Beautiful Now : Zedd

o   Run Away With Me : Carly Rae Jepson (A carefree, cheerful song)

o   Gulabi: Sachin-Jigar (morning suprabatham)

o   Shut up and dance with me (Such an infectiously happy song!)

o   Zehnaseeb (from the movie Hasee to Phasee)

• These holidays, I also visited a close relative which was pending since a long time. The visit was something I will cherish for a long time but it also brought forth the reality of old age. At no other juncture does one feel so lost and vulnerable. For a person who’s always been actively engaged in work, it’s hard to learn to sit back and relax. It’s hard to accept the limitations that age imposes on you and that eventually take a toll on your confidence. Another aspect is how it’s hard for those around them to also accept that the person they knew is no longer the same. Yet it’s important to remain hopeful and instil confidence on them. I wish I’d made this visit earlier, but I’m happy that it finally materialized after almost 2.5 years.

• We had been to this Bharatanatyam program on Saturday where Adi had a few performances. As always, Adi danced well and so did all the tiny tots with bobbing head movements and wide-eyed expressions. To cultivate any hobby or talent is an achievement and truly noteworthy. As Amma frequently says, it is a “sadhana” and if not done when the opportunity is given, there is no room for regret later.

• September has had several birthdays and this has led to considerable excitement in our group. Abhi’s Birthday was on 20^th and BP and I began hatching a plot a fortnight ago and later Govi and Avm also joined the conspiracy. It all began at 12 AM when she cut a small but delectable chocolate truffle in the hostel. There was nothing eventful after this and the next morning BP and I rushed to breakfast making sure we left the birthday girl behind. After the customary oil drenched dosas we briefed Govi about the Plan Of Action and then the two of us headed to VP’s place who had agreed to play host to us madcaps. Icaboo hovered around and guided us in preparing the relatively simple cooker cake. Later BP left for some purchases with Avm. Icaboo and I saved the cake from becoming a soggy mess by some herculean efforts and I began working on the clues. After the two returned, we began to put everything in place. Meanwhile, Govi was entrusted the responsibility of keeping Abhi engaged (since the 3 of us were ignoring her calls) so they went to a temple and later to a boating site in Bhadravathi. After carefully co-ordinating the timings such that we don’t end up running into each other and after sealing the garnished cake, we rushed to college and set up the clues for the treasure hunt. At long last, we began with the cake cutting and the cake was demolished in no time. Thankfully, it was more than edible!  After this, there was some more running around to ensure that the clues were placed appropriately and then, we began. It included places like the first room that Abhi lived in when they joined the hostel, the perennial source of food and her favourite hangout in the hostel (my room), her native place (the library) and the solitary tree in the middle of the field which was our “Getaway” once upon a time. Having succeeded in making Abhi run around, we sat down and did the next most appropriate thing to do: click pictures! It all ended on a good note to a large extent and after this we retired to the cosy confines of our rooms.

Surprises and gifts, endless selfies, cake baking sessions with Icaboo and
running around for the treasure hunt :)

• In the evening, Abhi decided that she would treat us. The localites managed to arrange an extra vehicle for us and I got the opportunity to ride with Abhi. The best things are reserved for the last, they say and so it was. It began on a shaky start and I’m glad that Abhi had the confidence to sit on the pillion. Gradually I become acclimatized to the darkness, traffic and the chill when we raced against the wind. Nothing can beat the joy of racing (ok, not really because the Purle Road is a bumpy ride with potholes and road humps lurking at every corner) and that too with someone confident enough to sit behind you! :P Yes, I was a teeny bit nervous but all that dissipated soon enough and Govi and Abhilash were kind enough to let me race ahead and scare any poor dog that dared to cross my path. At long last we reached the destination (Pizza Sky) safely and we began hogging. Later we proceeded to Ibaco below for desserts and then it was again time to ride! We had a photo session again (and also another while riding) and it was one amazing experience altogether! I don’t want to exaggerate but honestly, riding against the wind is like setting a caged bird free. The fact that this was at night only made it awesome-er. And the obedient daughter that I am, I did mention to MaPa that “I went on a ride and came back safely.” and received no reprimands. Honestly, the security guards at the gate seem to have given up on us! We’ve become habitual late-comers and because we take the required permission they can’t really complain. It all seemed like the perfect end to the day but there were some more events that threatened to leave a bitter aftertaste but it in the end, it’s all about what we choose to remember. 

Gaadi Scenes! :)

• The next day, it was Deepu’s b’day so there was another cooking session at midnight and in the evening it was time for the combined treat of the September borns (Likki, Abhi, Deepu and Hkm)  so we (The kodachadri gang – Nammu’s boyprend and +Sanju and Deepu) headed to Anmol for dinner. After another round of hogging and even chomping on some Chocolate Paan ( Yes, I’ve tasted it and it’s not bad after all) we headed back to college. (7 of us +the driver bundled in one auto!)

•  So today was the Ganesha Visarjan in college and there was music, dance and fireworks. As it has become customary, we did some customary prancing around in the name of dance and here I am now, blogging about the latest updates!

Just like drugs are detoxified in our body to make them less toxic and then removed, one needs to detoxify oneself to prevent accumulation of toxic thoughts and ideas. Irrespective of the surroundings, one must recognize what is toxic to ones’ own progress and what acts as a catalyst.

With the finals approaching in about 2 months, there is considerable tension palpable in the atmosphere and it’s about time I pull up my socks and get down to business.

I’m not sure if I can blog frequently anymore because time has become unbelievably scarce these days. I’ll be heading to Dharwad over the weekend for the Patho quiz so I’m hoping that it all goes well. Hopefully, I’ll complete part 2 of A Story. :)

A Story (Part 1)

The year was 2000. The new generation had stars in its eyes and most of the educated ones wanted to live The Great American Dream. Those with talent, willingness to work and a fair amount of luck made the cut and set sail towards the New World while the rest continued to plough through the same mundane life. But in a small village near Mangalore, one girl dared to dream big.

Income was meagre, expenses were high, debts were mounting and 5 hungry mouths added to Krishnappa’s woes. His eldest daughter Kaveri was a bright young girl who had just completed her PUC from a nearby private college. It was only after much persuasion and contribution from local charitable trusts that he agreed. But today, He was beginning to regret having sown the seeds of a plant that demanded lot more than he could supply. Kaveri had secured distinction in her exams and her rank in the Common Entrance Test indicated the possibility of a medical seat in Bangalore. Encouraged by her teachers, Kaveri decided that she would pursue medicine come what may. Of course, it raised consternation in the family; her mother’s health was deteriorating and her younger brothers also required education. Why couldn’t she just get married and lessen the burden?

Kaveri was firm in her stand; several nights she sat down with her mother and gave her hopes of a better future. She explained how she could earn substantially more in a matter of time if they supported her in her venture. She reminded her of her grandmother who had died because there was no doctor in the village who could treat her. In the time that ensued before they shifted her to the General hospital, her condition had taken a turn for the worse and she passed away in a few days. She promised her mother that what she was doing was for the family, she would come back to the village, she would provide for her brothers’ education and so on. With these promises, she slowly managed to win over her mother.

Her father, on the other hand was a tough nut to crack. He did not oppose the fact that she wanted to study further; it was just that he did not favour her becoming a doctor.

“Why don’t you study B.Sc or B.Com like your friends Gayathri and Veena and become a school teacher? You can live with us and still get your degree. Why do you have to travel so far? Who will fund your education?

Further, he believed that this was where she belonged, in the middle of the serenity and purity of Mother Nature. He feared that the modernization of city life would irrevocably change his daughter.

She assured him that the teachers in her college would help her apply for a loan and scholarships from charitable trusts. Yet, whatever she said, he remained melancholic about her decision. Looking back, he regretted having nourished the seeds sown by her teachers. He had always urged her to do better in every test, exam or competition. Today, what had it led to? He resigned himself to the Fate that his bird had grown wings and was raring to fly into a bigger world. Now, he could only watch the beauty and grace of the bird he had nurtured from a distance.

                                    ***************************

Bangalore was on the brink of a major revolution. Tree-lined avenues and quaint gardens had given way to swanky sky liners, six-lane roads and software techparks. Blessed with pristine and pleasant climate, Bangalore still retained some of its old world charm reminiscent of the colonial era.

Yet, Sagar was like a fish out of water in the cosmopolitan city. Born in the States, he had lived in California for 8 years and then relocated with his family to Bangalore so that they could be around his grandparents. He had tried, struggled and failed at adapting to life in Bangalore. Recluse and reticent, he neither encouraged not actively went in search of any company. Having spent his childhood in a far more developed place, he was initially alarmed by the sight of cows and cars polluting the streets. He had hoped that with time, he would acclimatize to the evolving city yet that was not meant to be. With each passing day, he was filled with a sense of dread and despair. Then mechanical lifestyle did not suit him; he wanted purity of mind and space. Here, he felt compelled to be a part of a rat race he had no interest in running. He seemed to be chasing endlessly with no goal in sight. Often, he questioned himself; why was he doing all this?

Having secured themselves financially from their overseas stint, his parents provided good facilities for him to excel academically. He was enrolled into an intensive coaching program for his +2 to help him get into the best institutions, yet he lacked the spark of enthusiasm that drives one towards success.

The results were announced. He had secured 90% and his performance in the Entrance Test made him eligible for a medical seat in Bangalore. While his parents were elated, it only drove Sagar into greater depths of despair. Fear compelled him to quell his insecurities and he resigned himself to the fate of a caged bird.

While he continued to dwell on the misery of his success, his parents hoped that one day, their son would vocalise his opinion and listen to his heart. They had always encouraged him to follow what he was passionate about, yet through the years, Sagar drifted along neither with enthusiasm nor against resistance. As parents, they were wise enough to give him the freedom of doing what he was passionate about, but their son failed to see the freedom he was bestowed with. Perhaps with time, he would realize that sometimes the cages around us are built by ourselves.

                        **************************************

They say that it is in college that we discover who we truly are. Whether it is true or not is debatable but what cannot be questioned is the fact that it is in college that we get a glimpse of the world.

With hopes, dreams and determination, Kaveri stepped into MS Ramaiah Medical College in the August of 2000. Bangalore was a massive shift from the quaint village she had grown up in. Her college was in the middle of a bustling neighbourhood so traffic and pollution took a toll on her health in the initial days. She lived in a rundown girl’s hostel that reeked of dust and housed more mice than girls. Yet, none of this bothered her. It was the people who took her by surprise, with their indifference to everything that did not concern them. Nobody seemed to care about your existence, your health, your welfare and least of all, your happiness!

Unlike in her village, here nobody seemed to have the time to stop and chat for a while or help her find her bearings in a new city. Being a keen observer, she slowly understood that she needed to adapt in order to survive. If indifference would help her succeed, then so be it! She buried herself completely in her studies, restricted herself to a few acquaintances and did not socialize beyond what was expected of her. Days passed into weeks that slowly turned into months, Kaveri was a changed person: She was confident, self-assured and yes, she was indifferent to everything that did not concern her goal.

The same circumstances can bring out the differences in our personalities. On the same day at the same place, another student walked gates of MS Ramaiah. Sagar was taken aback by the diversity in the student population. There was a sprinkling of students from all over the country; Kannadigas formed the majority closely followed by Keralites, North Indians and students from the North East. In all his earlier experiences, he had never seen such cultural and economic variation coexist. Out of the blue, he was triggered by the urge to know more and he began to emerge from the cocoon he had built around himself. As days passed, he socialized more, he began to appreciate how fortunate he was and he developed an interest towards his academics. The bird had found its wings and began its journey into the limitless sky.

                                    ******************************

Three years had passed since Kaveri had stepped into the hallowed portals of Medicine. While academics remained her sole focus, friends remained far and few. Family had taken a backseat and her visits to her hometown had become perfunctory and awkward. Her mother’s health was uncertain and her father’s salary remained constant against the rising cost of expenses but somewhere in the middle of her zest and zeal for success, she had become apathetic towards her family as well.

“Why doesn’t Kaveri call anymore? She even has a cellphone now. Are we no one to her?” her mother lamented.

To this, her father smiled to himself. He was not surprised by the turn of events.

“Do you know why I insisted on naming her Kaveri? She created more havoc than both the boys ever did. She is the Restless, unstoppable one and she will not stop for anyone or anything. There are no rocks, boulders or hills that hinder the progress of the river Cauvery. It is only when she meets the mighty Ocean that she will halt her pace, pause and reflect on life. I can only hope that such a day will arrive soon.” The wise father replied.

                                                *************************

Novus Actus Interveniens

Currently dormant on the blogosphere for a variety of reasons:

• Paucity of time. (5th term is hectic. A certain Sir’s sudden surge in the subject has led to unexpected assignments cropping up out of nowhere and monopolizing the weekends. What began with a harmless blood donation day related poster presentation then led to making mind maps on assigned topics, giving seminars on clinical pathology topics, writing descriptions for museum specimens and now for the actual (official) assignments in our records! Oh, and I was speaking of only Pathology. 3 other subjects are also demanding to be studied.)

• No 3G in my new room. (I’ve shifted one floor above (that explains for the lack of exercise) and I can barely get 2G in my current location so blogging has suffered a setback.)

• Writer’s block. I haven’t been reading much these days. I’ve realized that in my current schedule, I can’t possibly read classics which require long stretches at a time which I’m not able to devote. All I can do is snatch a few minutes during classes, postings or prior to bed. I’m currently reading The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho (thanks to Anu :) ) and it seems to be interesting (prompted my previous post) although the style of writing could have been a few notches higher. 

But today I have decided to blog come what may! So we’re currently in 5th term and our exams are fast approaching (all the faculties take great pains to remind us at every possible instant about this alarming fact.) and we’re now in General Medicine postings after a month of General Surgery.

During these Surgery postings we saw a lot of ulcers (traumatic, diabetic ulcers in aged individuals, trophic ulcers, varicose (venous) ulcers, arterial ulcers and so on..) and swellings (in the neck region, in the inguinal region, lump in the breast, etc ). We also had to present cases (where once again I exhibited my unfailing talent of making a flop show (I must say, I’m getting good at this! -_-) and we had classes as well. Some were taught by the new surgeon Dr Nagaraj who’s joined Subbaiah after his stint in McGann and he seemed to give us some orientation from the examination point of view. Some others were taught by Aarthi maám (where once again I was distracted by that haircut), Gopinath Sir (who looks for opportunities to show us that he can he sarcastic) and of course, the HoD and Principal of the college who can be described as enthusiastic and passionate (to say the least. This is an online platform, after all) and he ensured that our lunch breaks were reduced to a 15 minute affair on numerous occasions. Nevertheless, I saw my first (and only) surgery (appendicectomy) performed by him during these postings. (an interesting, yet odd experience)

Another interesting update that I must mention is about Pathology. So in an earlier post I’d mentioned about the preliminary round of a Pathology quiz held in our class. As luck would have it, 10 of us were selected for the next round and a quiz was conducted for 5 teams of two participants. We weren’t really given much help regarding the quiz but we just told to read as we normally would and prepare for some embarrassment. As things unfolded, BP and I were a team while Abhi and Bharat were another. The formation of teams was a major confusion created quite a bit of pandemonium. In the weekend leading up to the quiz, the tension was palpable in the air and I was at my wit’s end given that there was also a CSF analysis to be presented on the same afternoon. BP and I spent a good part of the weekend reviewing people and topics of interest over the internet and that proved to be a boon to us the following day. The quiz was interesting we managed to open our account in the first round with a few guesses of the names of the scientists and other famous people. (Giemsa, Barbara McLintock, Papanicolou, Henrietta Lacks..) We faltered in the following rounds, partly due to our carelessness (Fat Embolism) and partly due to stupidity (Etiology) but we tried to cover up for it in the Rapid Fire. We came a close second with 80 points after Abhi and Bharat with 85, and this means that come 26th September, we will head to SDM Medical College, Dharwad for the Pathology Quiz. About the quiz, we need to study a LOTLOTLOT more than what we’re doing right now but Time is just not with us these days given that there is barely time to breathe in the midst of classes, postings, labs studies, records, assignments and yes, some time to unwind with friends..

As for the CSF analysis, we were a group of 5 and there was some or the contribution from 80% of us. 

(Not many people actually caught this bit. :P )

Technical Support:
Script: Karthik BV and Pawan
Videography: Harshit Krishna and Rajesh KH
Narrator: Jayashree Rao

I spoke about the indications for analyzing CerebroSpinal Fluid, the procedure and instruments used in Lumbar Puncture, the physical and biochemical analysis of CSF to differentiate between various etiologies of meningitis, CSF rhinorrhea and some other pointers that must be remembered while examining CSF (eg: one must analyze the sample within an hour of collection, one must not refrigerate the sample and so on.. ) Unfortunately for him, V Sir had to leave the middle of it but luckily for me it came an end without any major hiccup (or cough, literally speaking!)

Recently watched Phantom with friends and we followed this up with dinner at Anmol where we discussed the most controversial topics over the meal but it was an interesting evening on the whole. Off late, I haven’t been too choosy about the movies I’ve watched but we generally have a good time as we go as a group and have fun. Phantom made for a mildly interesting watch although it seems to be too fast paced with minimal room for interpersonal interaction. 

My current soundtrack includes:

• Gulabi (A slightly old song, from Shuddh Desi Romance but I’ve developed a fondness for it recently. The MTV unplugged version has a vibrant twinge to it so that’s better than the original in my opinion)
• Saware (by Arijit Singh, from Phantom)
• Chal Wahaan Jathe Hai (Arijit Singh)
• Tu Hi Re (an old song sung by Hariharan and Chitra)
• E Sanje and Dennana Dennana (Flute version) from the movie Rangitaranga

Often, I wonder how is it that some can let go and adapt so instantaneously while others take longer and some take forever. Is it all so ephemeral and fake? Is that what life really is about? Moving from one character to another from time to time? It comes down to this: There are some who attach much meaning to their relations with others, relationships, events, places and everything adds on to their memories. You could say they value every little thing in life, from a broken gift from a now distanced friend which they will refuse to throw away to every person whom they befriend /get acquainted with. And there are others who also have the same friendships, relations and so on, except that they do not attach meaning to everything in life. In such instances, it is easier to walk in and out of situations because there is a lot less baggage and bother. They are also less affected by changes, sudden shift of circumstances and any oscillations. Often, I wonder, which is the path to tread? In this fast paced world, it may seem appropriate to choose the second path because the first path is a classic case of thinking from the heart and not from the brain (although being a medical student, I must refrain from using such unscientific terms) and often only leads to disappointment. But the second one seems too mechanical and business-like to me. It might be the smarter decision but it may not be the one that makes me happy. It takes the innocence out of life if we can be so dissociated from what we feel and what we do. It might make me seem like a fool, but more often than not, I end up in the first case.

Coming to other matters of note, it appears that there will be no definitive changes in my boarding and lodging beginning in the near future. There has been a lot of confusion over this recently and I am mentally fatigued by thinking about the possible outcomes. I realized that I must be flexible to change, to adapt and evolve as the circumstances expect me to. I realize that happiness is every person’s birthright and I cannot covet that of another by my stubbornness. When you’re number is up, they’ll find you. I’m trying hard not to think too much or too far ahead or assume too much but just hope for the best and take it as it comes. It might seem irrational, unnecessary and daunting but it might bring the change that we are looking for. If I don’t believe that it will be possible, who else will?  Yet again, being reminded that there is an eerie resemblance to such events that occurred in the past, this whole concept appears daunting. There is a lot at stake and there is the fear of being left in the lurch but if I realize that I must let go of the cloud of negativity hovering above me and prepare to face the challenges as they come. After all, people take turns in a battle. One must enter the warzone when his compatriot is wounded.

It appears that I have blabbered endlessly and bored you all, yet I am filled with contentment. Nothing clears my head like a nice long blog post! :D

Confabulations.

There are dreams every night,

Those that promise to be windows to another world,

Dreams where everything is right,

Only that they never return.

There are daydreams that come and go,

With a glimmer of hope but nothing more.

Was it real? I'd never know,

Lost ships without a shore.

And then there is you; as real as ever,

You are no delusion for I've never felt more alive,

Yet I wish you were an illusion,

Because you're the best dream that was never mine. 

Too Little, Too Late.

So last Saturday was the trip to Kodachadri. One memorable trek with friends. We started at 4 AM, spent the early hours at Shivappanayaka Fort in Hosanagara (where we clicked loads of pigs) and then traveled to Kodachadri. We then traveled via jeeps on a bumpy road upto the guest house and had our breakfast and then began the trek uphill. We first visited the Shankaracharya temple and another cave-like temple and then returned to the guesthouse for lunch. After this we began another slippery trek towards Hidlumane falls on a damp drizzly route infested with leeches. After what seemed like forever, after several slips, falls and moments when I was sure I wouldn't make it, we all finally reached the falls and it sure was worth the arduous trek! We rushed into the waterfalls and the force of the water literally hit us like pellets of stones. After spending ample amount of time in the water, it was time to begin the trek back to the starting point and this was another challenge as part of the route was along the course of the rivulet. Thankfully we all made it before nightfall and refreshed ourselves in Hosanagar and then reached college by 10:30 PM. It was one of my first such experiences with friends and I couldn't have possibly made it without their help and support (and even taunts :P ) at every step of the journey! :) Here's wishing that we have many more such excursions in the future and explore uncharted territories. One of the things that made me happiest is the fact that Ma and Pa were glad about the trip. For me, it's a big step that they were happy about the trip and did not reprimand me for being a part of it. It gave me a lot of happiness to see that my parents understand my happiness and share the same. 

Post the trip, all of us were exhausted beyond description. It took us a day or two to get back to normal gait. It was with much reluctance that we submitted the "Patho Assignment" of a Mind Map of Polycythemia on the following Monday.

This weekend I'd been home since Di hadn't been keeping too well. We spent some time over NSO and IMO and then Di transformed into Harshaali Malhotra and I had the honor of a photo session with her. After the customary Baddie, shopping and Paakashala session we also watched a play at KH Kalasouda where Atthe, Mama, Nidhz and Ajji joined us. 

The play "Atheetha" is about a famous criminal lawyer who is presumed to have led a perfect flawless life. He is approached by a young lady for his Biography. After much ado, he agrees and begins the narration of his not-so-innocent life where his spotless record actually was just an illusion because beneath was a man who did not care for anyone but himself and his family suffers the consequences. He is beyond guilt because he rationalizes all his actions and does not seem to have a conscience. He shows no remorse for theft, adultery, forcing an abortion or losing a case on purpose as a favour for a politician. This happened to be the first intense play I've watched and the actors did a superb job and brought tears to many of us with their heartrending performance. 

So we had the Patho quiz today in class and I've done crappily enough to rule out getting selected. I feel unworthy of conversation with Icaboo after everything.

When the present becomes a repeat telecast of the past, it only fills you with dread. Currently using the device that I used in 2012-13 and it brings back some dark memories. Those were times when integrities were questioned, arguments were baseless and nights were endless. There were some terrible days then and I still wonder, why do we put up with it? Will there ever by an answer? Turns out that there isn't much difference between the past and the present except that no one has a clue what to do, no one has the energy left in them to deal with such horrors again and no one will ever voluntarily associate with us in such a state. This time, I'm not even around to do anything significant. When the people around us have metamorphosed beyond recognition, then, my friend, you are truly lost. 

All this seems like a wake up call that reality is not in fact, what I've been living. It is what I've been denying all along. It is indeed sad to hear that there is no use of education or employment when there is no compatibility between individuals. In life, any tide, any storm can be overcome when two individuals believe in each other. Without that, life is a misery to themselves and those around. The very foundations upon which your beliefs rest begin to crumble, leaving you orphaned to the brutalities of the world. It fills me with dread when I think about the future when the present itself is so bleak. There is no greater loss than the loss of hope. When one has lost hope that better days shall come, one is truly lost. It fills me with dread when I think about the ones who depend on me for better days. What am i if I cannot help those who require my presence in the hour of need? A coward? Or a selfish fool? What am I if I cannot give hope to those who have shown me that hope is everything? It is hard to digest that at the end of the day, dreams shall perish after being starved of hope and support. All the things that I had imagined since a child will remain etched as figments of a creative mind. Reality is a brutal whip that slashes across your tender hopes when you least expect it.

There's no running away from reality when it has decided to haunt you for the rest of your life. You might as well tell yourself you've been living a lie all along. 

I never promised to be nice. 

Brain Wars.

8-8-2015 Kodachadri Trek

Separate Blogpost on our first group trip coming up soon, but before that there are a zillion things reverberating in my brain. First of all, thoughts seem to run amok and wreak havoc when you least expect them to. When the line between expectation and reality becomes painfully evident it leaves you trying to avoid the truth that lies bare before your eyes. When you realize where you stand it can leave you either surprised or dejected because of your imagination. Speaking of imagination, there isn't a bigger culprit than the dreams crafted by your brain without any practicality or iota of reality. And then there is the final realization that no matter what, somethings can never change. It does no good to dwell on irrationality. Home and Bangalore seems like another universe altogether and I can only live on the hopes of getting back to where I belong. Then again, in this ephemeral world, I no longer know where I truly belong. Getting back to books after almost a month seems like an arduous task and I fervently hope that I shall be able to begin something productive in the coming days.

Toodles dear reader, your perseverance will be rewarded very soon! :)

Weird, Wild and Wonderful.

It's 1.45AM as I begin this post but this post JUST cannot wait. So I was right here, plonked on my bed, scrimmaging through the web for the Patho assignment and typing out a reply to my Quora friend Preethi (who is incidentally also a blogger, a travel enthusiast and a Pro-Kannada activist :) ) and that's when it all began. An hour or so later, I got a call from an unknown number and it turned out to be Preethi. So there was a plan to ëxplore Bangalore" and she invited me be a part of it. Now, this isn't usually things are in my life. I rushed to get myself ready and presentable and then I realized I had to get Madre-Padre to get on the same page. I convinced Ma that I've known her for a long time and that I'll be absolutely safe (travelling to an unknown place to meet new people) and I set off! 

Unsure of the bus route to Yeshwantpur, I called up a few local dosts and got a fair idea. I hopped on to the bus to Nayandahalli, then took and auto upto Nandini Layout (initially I thought I'd take the auto to Gorguntepalya but I realized that would cost a bomb) and then literally ran and caught a slightly moving bus to Yeshwantpur bus stand. I got a Day Pass done which basically meant that I could travel in any BMTC bus without paying anything more. 

Finally, after what seemed like forever, I met Preethi and for the first time in a long time, it didn't feel like I was meeting a stranger because we've been reading quite a bit of each other's writing. Soon, Apeksha (Preethi's school friend a.k.a Kappe :P ), Preethi and I were on our way to Orion and the chattering session began. We exchanged campus stories, complained about the crowd in our colleges, ranted about the messed up system, raved about Quora, built castles in the air w.r.t. future travel plans and meetups and basically spoke about everything under the sun. We wandered around for a while in Orion, lounged around in Landmark, walked cluelessly to a random bus stop and then realized that we needed to walk back to Yeshwantpur bus stand to travel to our next destination. We trudged back to the bus stand but the Prodigal bus eluded us for a long time. Finally we got into a bus that got us fairly close to New BEL Road. We walked along the IISc campus on a broad road shaded by a green canopy discussing the not-so-rosy life of Engineering students and clearing many myths and misconceptions. Famished,(well, not completely!) we crashed into Pizza Hut and had just placed our orders when Subbu a.k.a Subramanya (Apeksha's friend from MSR) joined us. We hogged, chatted and time seemed to fly! The best part is how we all had an amazing time despite having met for the first time. *FAITH IN HUMANITY RESTORED*

Post lunch, Subbu said he would take us to an interesting place about 2km from MSR and since we were all fed and watered, we felt upto the long walk. En route we spotted a Astrologer's place and weirdos that we are, we did the most amazing thing!! P and A walked in with a complaint that they had feelings for no Y chromosomes but each other. I was P's sister and S was A's brother. It was a tough moment for us as we tried to stifle our laughter and come up with fake names, DOBs, time and location of birth and nakshatra. The astrologer being a hi-tech dude, whipped out his iPhone and keyed in the details and calculated something and peered into his MacBook for some astrological insignia. Several cowrie shells later, he declared that the "problem" was very bad and because of a common enemy known to both of them and plotting for their downfall. he claimed to have "solved" several such cases in the past and offered to identify the person causing the problem and rid them of their problem for a sum of 4.5k. We mumbled a plausible reply, paid him the consultation fee and stumbled out laughing at our antics! One of the strangest things I've been a part of and I loved the spontaneity of it. :D

We walked along through unknown lanes, through cow-trodden paths and wide roads lined by mansions, apartments and trees talking about a great many things like we were long lost siblings (*Kumbh mela me bichde hue behen*). Discussions ranged from Quora personalities, engineering, medicine, singing paeans about our beloved Bengalooru, Marathi descendants in Tamil Nadu, qualitative comparison of animal poops, Apeksha's love for animals and imaginary plans on trying joints while I watch the fun! xD 

Preethi, Apeksha, Subbu and Me :)

We spared Subbu the ignominy of making fools of ourselves in his locality and then he led us through a tiny gate in the compound wall and.. voila! we were in the midst of greenery right in the heart of Bangalore. We walked along the path inside the GKVK campus and Subbu led us to an uspoilt rocky terrain with mini swamps and cacti. After this we realized that since 3/4 of us had to travel to opposite ends of Bangalore, it would be prudent to begin our journey backwards. This is when rain added to the celebration and we were all drenched in a span of minutes. Nevertheless, we raced the nearby shelter and watched Preethi soak in the rain. Afterthis we walked upto the Hebbal bus stand and we said our (temporary!!) goodbyes and parted ways. Preethi and I took a bus to Nagarbhavi while Apeksha traveled towards CV Raman Nagar and Subbu went back to Sanjaynagar. Preethi being the perfect host (but I can take care of myself!!) insisted on accompanying me until I found the best way to travel towards BSK. Finally, I took an auto upto 2nd stage while she took another bus towards Nagarbhavi BDA and then reached home via gaadi. After this, I had a lot more walking (in the rain) to do and my legs feel like logs but it certainly doesn't matter in the least!

At the Rocky Place, GKVK Campus

This meetup will remain in my mind for a long, long time to come because nothing about was planned, there were no expectations and yet I've come back with a treasure trove of memories and friends I really want to meet again at the earliest opportunity. :) Traveling by myself made me realize that it's important to ask when you're not sure. Ask if you are unsure of the route, of the stop you need to alight at, of anything for that matter! Once you get around to asking people when you have a question, you'll realize that most people are willing to help you around. That's the best part. Getting to know like minded people gives me the confidence to stay weird despite everything that forces me to join the bandwagon. Meeting new people is the best way to broaden your horizons, come out of a cloistered shell, exchange thoughts with like minded individuals and understand how others cope with similar issues. Sometimes all we need is the hope that we're all in the same boat and that one day we'll reach the harbor. :)

)

Prettiness by the pavement. :)

That's all for now folks! Toodles. :)

A Bit Of This And That..

Hey there folks! So I’m back in Bangalore and we’re finally done with the second internals! 2 weeks from now we will be “promoted to 5^th term” and we will thence be known as “The Exam-going batch” but until then Home is the only destination. :)

So we had our theory papers and we literally went crazy trying to finish everything. Pathology especially was a tough nut to crack and despite spending 3/5^th of my study time on Pathology most of us walked out rather disappointed with our performance. The bouncer in the question paper was Polyarteritis Nodosa which is a type of vascular disease.  Although Blood Vessels was covered in class and we had a vague memory of the topic being covered in class, none of us were prepared to write a 5 mark answer on it.

Basically Polyarteritis Nodosa affects the small to medium-sized arteries and it’s characterized by a “Rosary Bead” appearance. But alas, even this nugget of information failed to cross my mind during the exam. So instead I uselessly wrote about Henoch Schonlein Purpura (HSP) which is also a type of vasculitis with palpable purpura, glomerulonephritis and pain in the abdomen. Acute Pancreatitis was another question I didn't expect so I wrote a little about the pathogenesis and then went on about Grey Turner's Sign which is bluish discoloration around the umbilicus and it's seen in Acute Necrotizing Pancreatitis. Funnily enough, Aadi and I were quizzing each other just the day before the exam and that's how I thought of writing these random things.

Micro went without much ado because the paper was easy and contained many questions from our earlier Bacteriology test paper. Forensic now seems funny because although I didn’t waste too much time and began studying by 5PM, I had truckloads to finish and to top it all I fell asleep with dreams of waking up at an unearthly hour and finishing what was left. Alas, Sleep overpowered me and at 7AM, I woke up teary eyed and hoped for a miracle. As the words failed to make any sense, I resigned myself to my fate. As the dreaded hour approached, Nammu tried to pep me up by asking some questions but my cluelessness did nothing to improve my mood. Nevertheless, it takes courage to walk into the battlefield knowing that you won’t come back victorious. After vehemently arguing with roll numbers 31 and 34 that I possessed no knowledge whatsoever, we looked at the question paper and well… I began writing whatever little I could remember and concocted plausible answers for most of the questions. Fate, they say, is a fickle friend. :)

After this, we began preparing for the practical exams in all earnest. Reddy, Nammu, Likki and I were had the same practical time table so we began with Pathology and later Abhi and BP also joined us. We began with the histopathology slides (which we got from Icaboo) and then we did a bit of Hematology as well.

Our Pathology practical exam goes like this:

• Spotters: Instruments, gross specimens, histopathology slides, hematology..
• Haemoglobin estimation (by Sahli’s method) [which I managed to screw up to some extent]
• Blood group determination (where again I couldn't answer many of the questions regarding blood banks despite preparing posters on the same subject)
• Urine analysis (where you’ve got to perform chemical tests on the urine sample to look for protein, sugar, ketone bodies or blood as abnormal constituents. Here again, I freaked out over the procedures and walked around hurriedly in hope of a miracle.
• Hematology slide: usually a type of anaemia or leukemia is given and you are expected to recognize the slide and write a report regarding the same. Usually, there is a case that accompanies the slide that gives a clue. Now here’s how it looks:



Acute Myeloid Leukemia



Megaloblastic Anaemia 



Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (look for smudge cells but
don't depend on them :/ )

 So on the ill-fated day, I found myself grappling with a slide that looked suspiciously like CML but the case suggested CLL. Alas, Luck and Logic had deserted me and having found no smudge cells that are characteristically seen in CLL, I presumed that the slide was on CML (even when it clearly said “70 year old with mild organomegaly and lymphadenopathy.. -_-) So when V Sir peeped into the microscope, he looked surprised and annoyed that I hadn't even recognized the slide right. Now how could he sarcastically reply to the lame answers I would give? Nevertheless I felt downright disappointed with myself and the only question that Sir asked was causes for massive splenomegaly (The previous day Sahana had told me a few but all I could remember was Portal Hypertension, CML and my fav, Hairy Cell Leukemia) So after this disaster, I know I have some Serious Issues with Path.

• The histopathology slide was Chronic Pyelonephritis and this was evident from the periglomerular fibrosis, thyroidization of tubules and inflammatory infiltrates. I blabbered a little regarding vesicoureteral reflex and bacterial infection and the rest went on uneventfully.

There is "thyroidization"of the tubules: look at the colloidal material
in the middle of the tubule. Fibrosis around the glomerulus and
relatively larger number of inflammatory cells.

Forensic passed uneventfully thanks to the mnemonics we made to remember the bones of the wrist joint (Can He Talk Less So That They Piss) and elbow joint (Head Mistress of TLC) in the order of the appearance of their centers of ossification. Microbiology also passed uneventfully (Uppi was in a good mood and restricted himself to Antimicrobials which isn't covered yet in Pharmac) and finally it was Pharmacology (by now I sounded like a full blown frog) and Siddu Sir began by asking "So you want to go to JIPMER?" (Me: *stares blankly for 3s* and Sir repeats and then it flashes to me that he's talking about the JIPMER fest Spandan, he later informs that the management will not permit any entrants in the fear of any such similar requests in the future. -_-). It went okayish (Sir: BZD anatagonist? Me: Flumazenil! *withathat'ssoobvioustonethatInowregret* Sir: Morphine antagonist? Me: *It'satthetipofmytonguebutItjustdoesn'tflash*....... NALAXONE/ NALTREXONE!! *Whew* But I couldn't wait to get out of the place and I literally ran back towards the hostel and began packing my bags because it was time to head home! A massive speedy pack-a-thon later BP, Likki and I set off towards Nammooru Bangalooru :)

Movies I've watched lately:

• Lakshya: A beautiful movie directed by Farhan Akhtar and starring Hrithik and Preity. Meaningful, well crafted and yes, it's got Hrithik <3!
• Queen: I loved this movie. It's like Bollywood has finally come of age! :)
• Bahubali: Don't ask, don't judge. I succumbed to parental pressure. -_- Not bad. -.-'

Musicophilia: I've been listening to a lot of songs lately all thanks to Hippo aka Froggie's awesome suggestions! Majority are from MTV Unplugged and take you to another world (especially with the right pair of earphones :P) with the soulful rendition and accompanying music. Music proved to be a stress buster during the exam fortnight because nothing can take away your worries like a beautiful song. Do listen to the MTV Unplugged version of these which can be found on Youtube under MTV Unplugged:

• Javeda Zindagi
• Maaeri
• Rangobati
• Jiyein Kyun
• Saibo
• Yeh Joh Desh
• Nayan Tarse and Badra Bahar
• Phir Se Ud Chala
• Tum Hi Ho

And soo many more! Most of the songs linger in your mind because the music is so rich and pure. Also listen to 

1. Daylight by Maroon5 
2. Songs by Pakistan based Coke Studio such has Dholna (Atif Aslam), Lambi Judaai (Komal Rizvi) and Nindiya Ke Paar (Uzair Jaswal).. 

After landing in B'lore, the next few days were spent on the treaddie, swimming and googling exercises for losing fat in different regions :P

Saturday was time for HSR Express Ver 2.0! :)

At Sanjana's Place.. 

Appa dropped me at BSK Bus stand and after this I took a regular bus to HSR Layout. Suprisingly, I reached in just over an hour (it's usually much more than that) and after this it was nonstop chattering about everything under the sun! Medical college stories, latest trends in colleges, friends, hostel life woes and so many more things. The best part is how both of us have similar experiences in our respective colleges. After a sumptuous lunch we resumed our chatter, photo sessions and some gaming. After a walk in the park it was time to bid adieu, albeit for a short while, and soon, I was on a direct bus to Jantha Bazaar. Here's hoping that we meet again soon! There is no end to conversation when we get together :)

After this, I headed home, only to be back on the same road with family at Village, Central, JP Nagar for another hogging session. Next day, i.e Sunday was eventful because after the customary Baddie, Treadmill and exercises and lazed around till noon and then Di and I headed to BAC by 3.30PM; It was time for Sibling Swimming Session!! We had loads of fun splashing around, racing each other and literally pulling each other's legs in the chilly pool. Now this is something I want to do again before these holidays get over! :D

Be Right Back. I've got a LOT to blog today! B)

Remembrance.

Eventually I shall not matter to you,
Just as you shall cease to exist to me.
You know that just as well as I do.
What matters is which shall precede;
Will you make me a stranger?
Or will I walk away as a lone ranger?

Today we remember the tiniest details in our story,
Some day, you maybe just another faded memory.
Today we laugh over the little things,
Some day, another shall wipe the tears of bigger things.

If I were to look back then,
I'd be glad to have let it happen
Just as much to have let it go,
After all, it gave me greater joy than sorrow.