Keep Holding On.

I'm home.

Here's something interesting:

By Deborah Netburn

January 13, 2014, 3:00 p.m.

Have trouble remembering where you parked the car? A double shot espresso could help.

A new study in the journal Nature Neuroscience suggests that the same amount of caffeine you'd find in a grande latte can enhance long-term memory in humans.

"We report for the first time a specific effect of caffeine on reducing forgetting over 24 hours," Michael Yassa, a professor of brain science who recently moved his lab from Johns Hopkins University to UC Irvine, said in a statement. 

To test how caffeine effects memory in the human brain, researchers at Yassa's lab at Johns Hopkins recruited 60 people who have a relatively low daily caffeine intake. Subjects were asked to look at 200 pictures of everyday objects like a chair, or a coffee mug on a screen and tell the researchers whether the object was an indoor item or outdoor item.

"It didn't matter what they said, we just wanted them to pay attention to the pictures," said Yassa.

Five minutes after the volunteers completed the task, half of them were given 200 milligrams of caffeine in the form of two small pills. The other half were given two placebo pills that looked exactly the same. The study was double blind, so neither the subjects nor the researchers knew who got the caffeine pills and who got the placebos.

The next day, the subjects were asked to look at another set of images and identify which pictures they had seen the day before, which pictures were new, and which pictures were similar, but a little different to the ones they had already seen. For example, maybe a coffee cup that was a different color, or a chair photographed from a different angle.

While both groups had the same success rate when it came to identifying pictures that were the same and pictures that were different, the volunteers who received the caffeine pills were better at remembering that a picture was similar, but a little different to one they had seen before.

"It is a much more detailed memory," said Yassa. "If all they remembered was 'coffee mug,' they would say the picture was the same. But they were remembering the exact coffee mug they saw."

Scientists call this type of memory -- when we can determine that something is similar but not exactly the same as something we've seen or done before -- "pattern separation memory." It is the type of memory we use at the end of a work day when we remember where we parked our car in the morning, rather than yesterday morning, or the morning before.

To see if more caffeine lead to better memory boosts, the researchers tried the trial again with 300 miligrams of caffeine. The results were about the same as with the 200 miligram dose, and some of the test subjects reported some uncomfortable side effects from the increased caffeine levels including nausea and jitters.

Yassa  said that there is no magic in taking caffeine five minutes after something that occurs that you need to remember. "Before or between or after or during, it would all work," he said. "The only thing I would say is don't drink caffeine to pull an all-nighter. Sleep is really good for memory, but if you are going to drink coffee to stay up you won't get the boost from either one." 

The next step for Yassa and his team is to figure out why caffeine helps with pattern seperation memory. One potential explanation is that caffeine increases arousal levels, which can be associated with better memory. 

"Other scientists have found that when animals are shocked or scared or stimulated in some way they have better memory," Yassa told the Los Angeles Times. "We know that with caffeine your heart rate can go up and there is jitteriness, and other symptoms of arousal too. Maybe these moderate doses of caffeine can boost our memory without these other side effects."

And here's something more:

By Tom McKay  13 hours ago

It's not all good news: Most Americans drink about 300mg of caffeine a day, ingesting the compound from coffee, tea, and soft drinks. About 80% of Americans are users, but only a small proportion are "true addicts."

Caffeine can be so addictive that in a study which gave addicts a placebo or a caffeine pill, most of the ones who received the placebo "were functionally impaired for a day and a half. One person who had a manufacturing job made costly errors. Another could not bring herself to go to work. Another spent the afternoon in a dark office with her head on her desk. One woman called off her child's birthday party."

While many studies have linked caffeine to positive health effects like reduced liver disease and suicide risk, others have found negative side effects like disrupted sleep patterns and altered heart function.

So sip away, but be aware it might not be great for you.

So on Monday, I wrote the Anatomy test, packed my bags and headed out of college. I boarded the first bus I saw, a nearly tilted private bus with the people clinging on to any possible appendage that would take them to their destination. With forces acting on you in all possible directions, I assumed a classy pokerface and prayed fervently that I wouldn't crash into the group of men standing on either sides of me or lose my belongings or any other possible horrors. Thankfully, I made it to the Bus stand in one segment and I ended up not paying (since I had no change and the conductor (having seen the trauma I'd been through in the 20 minutes inside that bus) decided that I didn't have to pay after all). I booked a ticket to Bangalore and waited for the next 45 minutes in the bus stand, perusing a copy of India Today.

Around 12:00, The blessed bus arrived and I got myself some lunch and made myself comfortable. 15 minutes later, a sappy Kannada movie began playing, and I plugged into Grey's A on my tab whilst having some lunch. But alas, it wasn't meant to be. A defect in my vestibule and possibly in the semicircular canals caused me much discomfort and nausea but after a while, I convinced myself that it was just a figament of my imagination.

Watching the passing landscape and listening to music, I felt a tranquility I hadn't felt in a long time. This peace lasted for a short while only, but I will always remember this journey. My first solo journey.

..............

Once upon a time, I had dreams. Different dreams. :)

'Young and Beautiful' by Lana Del Ray. All over again. The lyrics. *Gosh*

Byeee.

I Deserve Better.

I can't and WON'T let this happen to me. I have a plan, a goal and a dream to achieve.
Ugh.
This is it. It's going to be hard but I don't care. It's for the best.
I need some peace. I need my space. I want to be happy with the people I trust.

January Jitters.

Clearly, I'm hallucinating. Nothing seems to be okay. Aloofness is in the air. I've built complex castles of confusion in my cerebrum and I don't know what's for real and what's a part of my vivid imagination.

The only thought that's reverberating in my brain is that I'm probably not a bad person and that there's always a silver lining in every cloud.

Here's a beautiful line from The Siege (which I finished at 2:00AM today):
'Whatever God has for you, accept it rather than fighting it. To accept it is to accept God.'

So I finished the book. Eerily disturbing and chilling. And normal citizens of a bustling metropolis endured such tough times. The book leaves you thinking, about the uncertainty of our lives, our fates and the little time that we have to make our lives worthwhile.

So the first internals has gone okay. The ride henceforth will probably be steeper and more rugged.

At the end of the day, it is virtually impossible to make everybody happy. And remain happy with yourself too, in the process.

I need a Yang in my life. Assuming I'm Meredith. *cough* Shepherd? *cough*. Lol.

New Year, New Beginnings.

Before I propagate my manifesto for 2014, let me just update you on the finer aspects of the last few days.

1. 26th December: Dad comes to college, Me becomes excited emotional fool. Permission to go home denied. Hyperventilation and Lacrimal Glands start working overtime. Permission granted. "Long Drive Pe Chal" with music and college talk. Reach Bangalore, hunt for Bhopie ki ghar in the semidarkness of JP Nagar, finally make it. Hog on Pizza after months. Chat about hostel life, freedom (in Bhopal) and the lack of it (in Shimoga), academics and the surprising joy of it, friends and close friends, sponge bobs in Shimoga and dignified debaters in Bhopal (*wink wink*). I felt reconnected with a part of myself which I thought I'd lost after I joined medicine. Turns out it still exists, surreptitiously hidden in the recesses of my brain.
   
2. 27th December: Bid adieu to the baboon by name Sanjana and head home. I was pleasantly surprised and touched by Di ki Christmas Tree (all decked up with Ma's help) and she'd made greeting cards too! Rest of the day was a sleepy haze and evening we went shopping in BSK, had good ol' Golgappa and added a few more specimens to my jewelry collection.
   
3. 28th December: Morning session passed without much ado. Oh yeah, I got an ECG, a Sonographic scan, post and preprandial blood tests, and an X-ray too. Shockingly enough, I have a near perfect report. Post lunch we headed to Vnagar where I convinced Ajji that she needn't feel so sad for me and she is convinced that she convinced me to give up on coffee. Sleepover at Atthe Mane where we stayed up much later than we ever had. :)
   
4. 29th December: Sunday began on a sleepy note, was interjected by ample sleep in the noon and culminated with Dinner at The Village, Central JP Nagar. It was a risk that I took by suggesting this place, but luckily we all had a great time and a lot of different dishes at our own pace (which is rarely the case in most restaurants these days)
   
5. 30th December: I can't seem to remember how the mornings pass. I mean, seriously! Evening Ma and I watched Dhoom 3. Watching movies has become a surprisingly fun event with Amma. I rarely go with anybody else either. The rest of the evening was mildly unpleasant but fairly overshadowed by the movie.
   
6. 31st December: Morning was doing Divya duty for a while, shopped for survival food for the hostel, met Maidha and we went to Sapna where I purchased:
1. The Krishna Key: Ashwin Sanghi
2. The Tell Tale Brain: VS Ramachandran
3. The Lowland: Jhumpa Lahiri
4. The Red Queen: Philippa Gregory
5. An Anatomy book which I think will be useful for me.
   
   Plus, Mama has lent his book 'The Siege: The Attack on the Taj' so I'm really hoping to get back to my reading habit when I get back to College. Primarily this is another way of spending my time usefully when I'm not studying or sleeping. I MUST make time for reading these books (plus the books that I brought last time!), even if it means lesser networking with friends.
   
   Each time I come home, I realize that I've stagnated to some extent and I try my best to overcome this. Here's to a lot a more reading in '14! (Academic and non-Academic)
   
   After book shopping for myself and a curiously docile Divya we headed to PH for the usual hogfest and it was a hearwarming feeling to hang out with my beloved Sheepie once again (It reminded me that insanity is a very normal phenomenon that strikes the best of us! :P )
   
   Post this, I came home, began the arduous process of packing my bags and retired to Dreamland as usual. Later in the night, we headed to PV for that rare family dinner that passed quite eventfully (thankfully). Good food and good conversation makes for a great time :)
   
   And thus, I began 2014 while putting Di to sleep, convincing her that the fireworks that she could hear were infact her own imagination and that all little kids were in bed and she should go back to sleep too. :)

Here's hoping for a better tomorrow, good health and much happiness to anybody reading this. May this year take you one step closer to achieving your goals and realizing your dreams, May this year give you the endurance to overcome the tough times, enjoy the good times and work for betterment. 

On a personal note, I hope I can be dedicated to my choices, loyal to my friends, and faithful to my own values.

Back To December.

So it's holiday season and I'm back in Bangalore. (implies time to go on a blogging spree!) I've been so eager to blog that the day before Physio exam, a considerable amount of time was spent pondering over the various subjects I will blog about when I get home.

Songs have been an integral part of my life. At each phase/ stage, I've been in love with different songs. Here's a glimpse of some of them:

• Kaho Na Pyaar Hai: My first Bollywood movie. Hrithik Roshan was my "favourite hero". I still love the evergreen songs from this movie.
• Made In India (Alisha Chinoy): Loved dancing to this as a kid. (This was before I realized I lacked the ability to dance gracefully!)
• Dhola Re: Danced to this song in school when I was in 2nd standard and subsequently on so many occasions. Bengali attire, saree and exuberance. :)
• Saathiya: Our first drive to Coorg. When we packed food from Dasaprakash, had lunch on the way and reached the Kodava land after crossing all the "Hairpin bends".
• Kya Mujhe Pyaar Hai: This was somebody else's favourite song and I slowly began to love it too..
• Yeh Ishq Hai: Was madly in love with this song during 7th and 8th. The memories make me smile today. :P
• Dus Bahaane: Singing this on the Karaoke with Nidhi, trying to dance to this silly song. Lol
• Laari Choti (Ek Chaalis Ki Last Local): First heard it on MTV, nearly 5-6 years ago..
• Paas Aaya Kyon: The song that puts me to sleep. Since the last few years.
• Pehli Nazaar Mein: The most long standing favourite song of my life. :)
• Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna: singing this in 6th, buying the cassette just for this song.
• Pehli Baar (from Kaminey): during 9th and 10th..
• Jeeyein Kyun, Te Amo: Dehli Shimla Tour song
• Lehrein: The sad song for the sad days during PUC
• Tu Hi Haqeeqat: The Deeksha era
• Vele (Student of the Year), Piya O Re Piya, Jee Le Zara, In My City (PC): Hostel songs.
• Tum Hi Ho, Sun Raha Hai Na Tu: The first few months of Medical. (I watched the movie for the first time with Suman on August 15th! :) )
• Ishaqzaade: Current favourite.

Kaho Na Pyaar Hai

Ye Ishq Hai

                                                   

Lehrein: Aisha

So zooming ahead to December 2013, Internals have been the major event of the month hence that explains the depleting stores of milk and coffee pudi, the perennial brightness in our room (it was like a relay; one sleeps, the other gets up, studies for a while, wakes the 3rd one and goes back to sleep. Hence our room lights were on nearly all night.

The practical exams could have been better, especially Histology and that will hopefully be amended by the next exam. Theory exams were okayish, but frankly, I was saturated by then and couldn't wait for the exams to get over. It's a pity, actually. During the regular academic session, I "hyper-study" purely because I can and I like doing it, but by the time the exams arrive, when I really have to go on the Hyper Mode, I'll be too fatigued and caffeine intoxicated and hence my motivation levels dipped a bit this time. :[

On the friendship front, things are slowly getting better. I mean, I now have a few people I can call friends. Few. I've lost a few people too in the process and unfortunately there were some very disturbing moments, particularly during the internals time but luckily I've decided not to care too much and take things as it comes and NEVER EVER trust people in college. Trust me, I speak from experience. 

Music Is The Only Constant

In a world where people change, situations change and moods change, music is that blissful constant in our lives that brings back memories, gives a sense of warmth that pierces the thorax, lodges in the middle mediastenum where it penetrates through fibrous and serous pericardia and stimulates the baroreceptors of carotid sinus and aortic arch which stimulates the Vasodepressor Centre which causes a vagal tone and thus brings about bradycardia in a disturbed soul.

Flawed physiology aside, college is progressing as usual. Internals are nearing, panic ought to be setting in but so far it is only superficial and not deep. -_-

My perpetual fears of losing track seems to have amplified, friendships appear to have become strained, it appears impossible to entangle oneself from complications arising due to certain relations and the chill blanket that envelopes the college in the night does not make matters simple for the wannabe owl.

Nutella Addiction is an inexplicably pleasant phenomenon that causes chronic idiopathic shortlived happiness but the positive feedback mechanism that it causes can trigger pangs of craving for that elusive dabbi which cannot be found in all of Shimoga.

Ultimately it's best to be with the few good friends I have from school and college because implicit trust is bad for my own well being. Or am I being obnoxiously cautious to the point of having OCD?

I got a haircut. B-)

Caution.

I don't like it. I don't know what to do about it. I'm worried.

And I thought I'll never stop blogging.

I can access Facebook on my tab but I can't blog, I concede. 

Colder days have arrived, nights are chill, mornings are misty and the daytime is getting sleepy.

The other day we had a cultural event in the college (and we all grabbed the rare opportunity to dress up *HAHAHAHA*) and the programs were interesting (to say the least)

In the end, one of the surgeons of the college (who also teaches General Surgery to the 2nd years) and I found his speech very relevant. Basically, he stressed that one must not get bogged down by the profession and turn into an "Automaton". This is possible in case of medical practice because there is very little scope for creativity and most of it adheres to standard procedures. Hence it is vital that one does not lose their creativity, originality and other interests in the course of this profession.

Looking back at the last 2 years, I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry. (Okay, I'm doing neither, I'm just considering it as a phase and an experience.)

I mean I got my passport renewed, wrote the SATs, I spent HOURS over essays (even in March and April), I ran a marathon and attended a MUN, I went around looking for Teacher Recommendations, made Financial Aid Applications, filled the CSS Profile, posted photos of UChicago in my hostel room, tore them up, received a FedEX mail from Atlanta, prepared a music video for scholarship, googled a zillion goddam things for my Colorado essay and the Waldo essay.

And now I'm here.

I sometimes wonder, maybe that is the closest I will get to going there? All the glimpses, all the hopes and all the effort..

But I enjoyed every minute of it, I put in my heart and soul and wrote every essay with painstaking effort, prepared with great fervor for the SATs and yes, I suppose I did everything I could do.

Obviously, I don't think of this phase of my life if I can help it, but then it is true that this phase existed. Hence it seems appropriate to document it.

Contrary to public perception, I wasn't really such an angelic kid who made no mischief. Unfortunately, I made the kind of mischief that mostly went undetected. I've had my share of squabbles with friends, tantrums and short tempered outbursts. It's just that it happened a long time ago, so people have conveniently forgotten it.

So I gave my second seminar today (On Cerebral Circulation) and I was told that it came out well. The topic is actually extensive and I merely grazed the tip of the iceberg (Papa sent me a PPT with 94 slides. WUT)

I suppose I've got to go now.
Seeya soon :)

Of Popliteal Fossa and Parties in the Night. And Solitude.

Holidays were great. Home was mostly great and I'm missing Divya more than ever. It's true, she's hyper goose but I guess that attribute runs in the family :-P
Day 1: Atthe Mama Nidhi
Day 2: PESIT: Manasa, Medha and the others. Evening: Vidha3
Day 3: Rajath, Avaneesh and Vikas and also people from Subbaiah!
Day 6: PINKI
Day 7: Sanjana of Deeksha and the X A2 reunion..
Fastforwarding to the present tense, I'm back at college and life is a chaotic, messy, hectic existence as usual.
Lack of invigorating music in my life could be a probable cause of so much pseudo-misery in my life.
Everybody in college appears to be in a sudden HyperStudy mode and the intensity is a little surprising. But nevertheless it isn't unwarranted considering the speed at which we're progressing. (Or rather, expected to progress)
My latest theory is that staying alone during 2nd PUC made me more of an independent person and hence that could explain the state of my social life.
But maybe things will work out over time.
*Addicted to Ishaqzaade*
So the other day I was looking at the conundrum called the hip bone, trying to figure out the anatomical position and its features (thankfully, I feel less blind now after our teacher taught us REALLY well!), when the aunties who clean our rooms saw me holding it and were super curious to see, to touch and to learn all about it. So I tried telling them about the bone, where its located and how it articulates with the head of femur and so on (that too in my primitive Kannada). It was actually interesting and I remembered Appa saying that if I've truly understood a concept, I should be able to explain it to just about anybody..
I make notes. Here's a sneak peek
:
Popliteal fossa.

The only awesome thing in the last several days is that I spoke to Suman!! (At SNMC, Bagalkot) and yes, today I spoke to Pringles.
Yesterday was Saniya's birthday and wow, it sure was a well organized party with a really cake that was mostly wasted on people's faces. XD
The silver lining in my life currently is that I have a few episodes of Grey's Anatomy in my tab.
Maybe it's true,
I can't live without you.
*I go Back to December all the time.*
Going to make myself a cup of coffee and figure out what's going on in my heart (Literally and figuratively :-P )

The Hip Bone

Popliteal Fossa :P

Nooo.

Just when I thought, maybe, life would be okay again, a bolt from the blue.

I cannot survive another Apocalypse. That is certain.
Neither can I watch anybody struggling through it. That too is certain.

I'm scared of what's going to happen when I'm not around.
I CAN'T deal with all the turmoil again.
I've seen ENOUGH for a lifetime.
It's like a Chamber of Secrets and you're always in the fear of when it will 'Unleash the Horrors within'.

How can ANYBODY Live with it?! 

Is this some kind of sick joke? 
So are we meant to take this on a regular basis?!
Wicked Game, this Life.
I've never wanted to hit 'End Game' more.

The moment, the very moment I lower my guard and begin to trust, I'm betrayed. And brutally.

I'm counting the reasons to be a part of this sadistic life.