Thinking Caps On!

When you really have truckloads of work to do but your brain is screaming with thoughts waiting to be unleashed on unsuspecting readers!

A fortnight ago, after much ado over the lackluster network in the outskirts of Shimoga, Pinki and I got talking; not just the usual rants about life, learning and love. Not even about all the QTs around her in Sonepat and the lack of em’ around me but something that we both probably knew was coming.

What began as a harmless debate over the freedom given in her hostel (for visitors; male and female) quickly spiraled into a heated argument over the concept of ‘free will’. The premise is that I have no right to question anybody for any of their actions; right or wrong.

To be honest; it wasn’t easy for me and it probably will take me some time to wrap my head around the concept. It might surprise many that it took my so long to come to this conclusion; but hey, better late than never! However, I did realize one thing; one very important thing: I cannot impose my “principles” or “moralistic views” upon anyone. I can have them, follow them or forget about them; but it isn’t right to expect the same from anyone, no matter how much or how little they mean to you. Every individual has their own take on what they intend to do with their life; to me, my take might seem appropriate but it is wrong as hell to expect others to fall in line with my take. I can't be the "moral police" to anyone. Here again, I had some conflicting thoughts given my career stream or maybe my nature (I still can't decide) . I can't "not care". I still probably will. Just not aloud..

The way one chooses to lead their life is an informed choice every individual has; one can’t question that or make their choices for them. It’s almost like the whole Engg/Med Vs any other profession debacle that many young adults have to face at some point. However, things get murkier when it comes to lifestyle choices. We have a lot of preconceived notions about a lot of things; sometimes owing to our ignorance and sometimes because of inherent bias that we have come to accept.

Here’s what I have to say: QUESTION

Question yourself. Question yourself for your beliefs. Why do you believe so staunchly about it? Do you blindly follow it like some of the rituals that you practice without understanding the meaning? Do you believe in it yourself or is it the herd mentality that you are aping? Or is it parental pressure that is forcing you to accept it?

Question yourself until you reach the end of the road and you have an answer; until you are able to justify to yourself; yes, this is why I am doing this. If you don’t have that answer, maybe it’s time for some reconsideration?

It may be with respect to the company you seek, your religious/spiritual beliefs, your take on alcohol, tobacco, drugs or sex. At the end of the day, if you’re satisfied with the answers that you give yourself for what you choose to do or not to do; then nothing else matters.

Personally, this helped me. I do think I could reach an acceptable answer for a few things, and for a few others, I realized that I hadn’t clinched it yet.  That makes for an another story! 

These are my two cents; I’d like to know your take on this for once :)

Loose Ends.

I haven't had this contentment in a long time. The outcome is irrelevant. I feel so glad to have done something with interest today after what seems like forever. I honestly wish the same motivation persists.

ENT End Posting Test tomorrow!! Let's hope I can blabber something logical tomorrow.

Recently watched a fine work of cinema, The Prestige. A star studded cast, the riveting storyline will keep you engrossed but what will throw you off balance is the macabre climax. :)

This is why I love the rain: 



It is unlikely that I will blog with the existing gusto in the coming days since the Lappy will be on a vacation for a while. So here's a parting piece (of nonsensical mumbo jumbo) that I will leave you with. :)

Question.

The timeless dilemma persists,
Generations have faced the same,
And yet the eternal enigma exists.
Perhaps it is Fate's twisted game.

The answer haunts tantalisingly close,
Yet there is solace in the arms of obscurity.
When imagination gives wings, reality shall dispose.
Perhaps this ambivalence is my only security.

This aching resemblance to the past,
Reminds me that my 'perfect' may never last.
But if I could only ask a 'why?'
Are you the ugly truth or a beautiful lie?

-JSR

Ciao :)

Rhapsodies In The Rain.

The mesmerising scent of the pure Earth,
The tangible freshness of the air,
The hesitant quiver of young foliage against the wind;
The overcast sky was poised to perform.

Tender drops glittered down in grace,
Even as the skies opened up with renewed fervour.
The nascent buds bloomed into a vibrant rhapsody,
Even as the seasoned trees embraced the ethereal showers.

The unwritten cue for celebration in some,
The song of monsoon is an eloquent hum.
Droplets condensed into a rapturous shower,
And Nature was ensnared in the arms of the heavenly power.

To some, this magic remains a stormy downpour,
Its chilling pleasure they may never explore,
The emblem of a raging tempest for the ordinary,
Is the stamp of an exotic dream, albeit momentary.

I was a bit skeptical about this one but it's actually got some veiled references. I'm trying to show how the rains can hold Nature under its spell. I want to potray that  people can experience the same monsoon weather and feel differently. To one, it is a celebration of their love. It seems that the rains are euphoric about their togetherness. To the other, the rain is but a reminder of a painful past. The same thing can mean different things to different people.

Brain Fry

Here I am blabbering much earlier than expected but what can I say, it seems like the best thing to do. :)

Sometimes you curse Fate and wonder why you end up in situations you’d happily forgo but before you head in that downward spiral, take a moment, take a deep breath and take it as a wonderful opportunity. :)

It is the easiest thing to judge people for who they are , their looks, their actions, their social standing (to this burgeoning list add this as well: their clothes, their footwear, their popularity and preferences on Facebook or Instagram and of course every useless bit of detail that we can devour on!). In fact, it is most convenient to do that in order to make yourself feel more important or make others feel that they are less important, but one often forgets that in the process they are merely selling their own souls. How does it matter what ABC does in their life? If we have descended enough to bother about it and pass opinions on it, it is indeed a sorry state of affairs of our own lives.

Am I propagating a pious and holier-than-thou attitude? No. All I’m saying is, rise above the pettiness. Atleast try. Rise above inane gossip. Judging others for their misfortune does not make you any richer. It’s not about how nice you are to the people who you need in your life, it’s about how you treat the people when they need you, it’s about how you treat the people you don’t see eye to eye with. Of course, that’s the hardest, isn’t it?

Am I saying that I have reached this point? Not at all. Known or unknown to us, we are all a part of this saga to variable extents. It would be a pity to make this trait our most prominent feature. Surely, one can do better than that? Surely, we're meant for much more than this? At least , that's what I'd like to believe.

So that’s enough of philosophy for now but my point is how I’m so glad that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, always a silver lining in the cloud and always the friend who tell you that you deserve better. :) Here’s to the friends far and farther (and maybe a little near :) ), to the ones who matter and to the ones who know your worth.

OhBiJee tomorrow. Tata :)

Moonlight Memoirs.

It was in the quiet melody of the night,
Guided by the tranquil beauty in white,
It was underneath the star spangled sky
That the wandering souls came alive.

She peeked through the veil of grey,
Offering only a sliver of lustrous white
In those fleeting moments she shone
With a radiance that brightened the darkest souls.

It was in the tempest of dark nights,
That the restless wanderer found a lamp,
That the wayward traveller found a path,
When she glowed with an ethereal beauty.

The dark night gave refuge to the haunted
They drifted away in her presence
But to the scheming minds prowling in the dark
But to those who crept stealthily under her light,
She led them to the stairways of death.

Attraversiamo.

I know this can wait but knowing how I am prone to procrastination, I might as well say what I have to say. I’m back after a short but eventful stay in namma Bengaluru and how I wish I could go back in time! How I wish I could rewind the clock back to a time when I could have done what it took to stay in Bengaluru (if not anywhere better!)

It’s ironic that coming back home fills me with inexplicable happiness as well as some sadness mingled with regret. Seeing my city evolve with each visit, experiencing the familiar sights and sounds of the neighbourhood and just watching the fast pace of this bustling metro that was once my home infuses fresh energy and hope into me.

Bengaluru is not just about the swanky malls, beer guzzling pubs or upscale restaurants that every other non-Bangalorean assumes it to be. It’s a lot more than that. It’s about generations of families that began life with humble beginnings, worked their way up to a better position and gave their descendants ‘The Good Life’ which most seem to take for granted. The quaint neighbourhoods have a charm of their own, the tree-lined parks are the only lung spaces left of a city choked by the vehicle population and traffic; suffice to say that there’s nothing like braving the Bengaluru traffic in the peak hour!

I may not live here anymore but I will definitely get back to this wonderful place (if not, better). Like I once confessed to Pingi, maybe I wasn’t worthy of being a part of this place, but doesn’t mean I don’t belong here! To put it in a better way, “You can take me out of Bangalore, but you can’t take the Bangalorean out of me!”

Vijaya Vittala Temple near Nelamangala.

Of course, life will continue to be volatile but maybe that’s part of the deal. I’ll just have to accept that. Being it home is like a reality check about who I am, where I come from and what I want to be.

I recently picked up “Éat. Pray. Love” on Avenue Road and I like certain parts of it. EG has painted a beautiful picture about the Italian language that one even wants to know if it is indeed as beautiful as it is depicted to be.

Several phrases got my attention but the one that made the final cut is Ättraversiamo meaning “Let’s cross over”. It’s a nice ring to it. :)
Ciao!

Oh Bee Ji, Sir Jerry and more

This was supposed to be this exuberant post about the many things going on right now in life but it’s going to be all the headlines sans that dose of saccharine sweetness!

I realize that I’ve not spoken much about how college is going on in a long time.

So we had Surgery Postings and it wasn’t too bad. Nagraj Sir did a fairly good job with every class that he engaged us in. We took cases (most of us) and presented them. The EPT wasn’t all that great though, I basically had to speak over Arun Kumar Sir to let him know that I did know a thing or two and he didn’t have to answer his own damn question all the time! We saw a lot of ulcers (in the leg and foot), sebaceous cysts, varicose veins, hernias (inguinal as well as umbilical), a few cases of lumps in the breast and one of thyrotoxicosis. On the whole, it gave us about 15 cases in one month and ample time for me to watch Suits when the OPD would be empty. We didn’t get to go to the OT this term since the seniors get preference but there weren’t too many cases in the first place, truth be told.

It’s been about 2 weeks since OBG started and it’s a lot more organized than the other department which is a double edged sword. The good thing is that there is no dearth of cases here so all you need to do is to be on the lookout for the case you need. I had to present a case of Fibroids along with an absconding adjacent batch mate and it was not bad, I guess.

The Ophthalmology Department expects us to present seminars on designated topics every week and my last one was a COMPLETE disaster so I had to make amends this time. The topic was Colour Blindness and so there was ample scope for pictures and the occasional joke. As usual, I was nervous prior to the seminar and from what I was told, I hurried through the slides but it was definitely a lot better than the previous one. :)

And yes, last week I ended up attending NISACON 2016 in JNMC Belgaum. I’m not really sure how the whole thing transpired but one thing led to another and Akhila and I did this race against time to reach Belgaum. It was a budget mission (that blew completely out of proportion) and the KSRTC bus strike at that time just made things all the more difficult for us (not the mention the yearly Purle Jaathre that COMPLETELY blocks the road connecting our college to the rest of Shimoga). So we boarded a bus to Harihar, another to Davangere to reach the Railway Station at 6:40 for the Sampark Kranthi Express scheduled to arrive at DVG at 6:40PM precisely. Thankfully Indian Railways doesn’t always adhere to the aforementioned timings so we had enough time to grab some dinner parcels and catch our breath before setting off towards Belgaum (unsure of our accommodation). 

As Akhila managed to convince normalcy on the homefront, we realized that we might have to travel by ourselves to the campus in the middle of the night and this was unsettling. I was quite lucky that MaPa agreed on such short notice and had even arranged stand-by accomodation with Chikkoo (my first roommate, FYI) But thankfully, I realized it was just me being HD because the JNMC peeps were there at the station to pick us up and we did get accommodation after reaching campus around 1.30AM (Whaaaaaat?!) The next two days passed in a blur; workshops on Surgical Skills (which was pretty cool considering how we actually tried out the suture techniques on artificial material) and ECG (which was good but just not enough time to actually know it that well), campus tours with Adi (surprise surprise!), some interesting lectures on Robotic Surgery (it’s the future of surgery, they say) and even a DJ night which wasn’t half bad. (or maybe I’m finally getting a hang of them :’) )

On the third day, the seven of travelled to Gokak by bus, boarded another to Gokak Falls and took a God-forsaken unbearably jam-packed bus to Godachina Malki falls which had a good view but given that it was a Sunday; it was quite populated. The return journey took hellishly long and the seating arrangement is something I’d like to forget at the earliest! *that moment when all of us start yelling at the conductor when he actually dared to ask us to budge a bit to seat yet another passenger in the overloaded bus*

Nevertheless, we managed to reach just in time for the bus back to Shimo and after a mild e-ticket scare; we hogged on parcelled KFC and called it a night. The next morning it was back to business in OBG and thus, it was the end of a short but memorable trip. It was unexpected and I came back with some unexpected memories :)

On the whole, the past month had some interesting events and its fair share of excitement and drama. It’s been a long time since I’ve set foot in Bangalore (for a sufficiently long time) and it looks like even this time it’s going to be a “flying visit” but one does not mess with the OBG Ladies so I can’t do much about it. -_-

Something about the travel to Belgaum made me realize how different life is in North Karnataka. It kind of explains why people from NK are the way they are. Of course, I might be generalizing but there’s a stark contrast with how things are back home in Namma Bengaluru where are aplenty and there is no dearth of options for a person unlike how it up north. Here a person might have to work against odds to reach their destination and that’s probably what makes them resilient in the face of hardships.

Books I’ve been reading include:

• Sensory Deception (All about sensory saturation and virtual reality set against the backdrop of global warming and animal extinction)
• It happens for a reason by Preethi Shenoy (about premarital pregnancy in the Indian setup and the aftermath based in Bangalore)
• Letters to Love (another run-of-the-mill story about two adults thrown together after a tragedy and how they move from staunch enemies to something else. -_-)
• Detour from normal (About how a person with mental illness copes with it and analyses what he is going through)
•  Flying blind (based on Amelia Earhart’s final expedition where she went missing and subsequent attempts to trace her)
• Into The Wild by John Krakauer (a thought provoking book about the life and times of a young man who sets out an a solo expedition in Alaska. Described by some as foolish and lauded by others for his bravery, his story will nevertheless leave you thinking for longer than you might be prepared for.)

Musicophilia:

• Stand In The Rain (Superchick, TB to the old times, Heard this recently on my old phone)
• Thinking Out Loud (Ed Sheeran. I watched Me Before You recently)

Ciao :)

Lost.

Days like these feel longer,
The pain underneath feels sharper
The nights are haunted with dread
Lies along the very path that I tread.

You watch the world come crashing down;
The world you carefully constructed
With castles and dreams so beautiful
That the bitter reality is yet to sink in.

Everything that you thought was your own
Was after all a borrowed loan
Everything that you thought to be true
Was after all an elaborate ruse.

A ship stranded at sea,
Where was it meant to be?
A bird bereft of its nest,
Lost and lonely in a futile quest.

//under the veneer of ideals,
Lies the dark bottomless pit of betrayal.
Sometimes what you find out can leave you hurt in ways you never imagined. It leaves you wishing for the lies to be true;
For the truth might just be too bitter.

Disgust

Yes, you guessed right. Stemming from within and clouding my judgement, my disgust has only been growing stronger.

It is said that one should believe in their own brand but what's the road ahead when you no longer recognize yourself in the rat race.

There is so much to do in the one life that we have but do we really live it to the maximum or just exist until the next day arrives? Recently, a student ended his life and the incident has sent shockwaves across the students with each one offering their own interpretation. It is easy for us to pass judgement about his action but it got me thinking. What is a life that is not well-lived? Is there any pride in merely existing and not making the most of what this life had to offer?

Incidents like this reflect the turmoil within and make you wonder nobody ever noticed anything amiss. Irrespective of the momentary 'gut' that many people see as bravery, it is still a choice that one makes and there could always have been other options.

This post unfortunately isn’t going to be a happy one as recent events have left me angry to say the least. When greed gets the better of a person, it eats away at the root of who they were leaving behind an unhappy excuse of who they were. How much is enough for a person to be content? The fact is, once greed has settled itself inside you and has started creeping its way through your heart, you will never seem to have enough. There will always be something that you crave but cannot have, something that you think you deserve but cannot afford. You do not claim what is not yours, you work your way to the life you deserve. You cannot expect a life you did not earn. You cannot demand what was never yours. And if you still expect just because you assume you are entitled or that you have been wronged, then it is all the more disgusting. I can only hope that people will see reason and behave with more maturity. It also reminds me that I am no longer in a position to expect anything of anybody. If I have any dream, then it is solely MY responsibility to turn it into a reality. If I have to make changes, then so be it.

I have begun to realize that certain relationships are toxic and need to be curtailed. I say “Toxic” because they are counterproductive and only induce more negativity than I can handle. I know I cannot sever ties but encouraging its growth will only cause more harm. Perhaps I function best in the comfort of being by myself. Yes, I enjoy a good banter, but I cherish my own company and would gladly thrive in it. Or maybe I just get tired of people faster than they’d like.

Oh yes,

• Meghana’s engaged. Yayy
• We (8 of us) had been to Chikmangalore
• We (Abhi and I) visited a random Jain temple
• I like Pokemon Go
• How does it feel to meet a friend after nearly 6 years? Let’s hope aii find out soon enuf. *yay?*
• Yep, that's right. My girl was in town before she set off to far away Sonipat and it's beginning to hit me only now that I'm really going to miss this bingo. :(

Songs this season:

• Cheap Thrills (Akkamma creds)
• Looking Too Closely (Suits)
• Hass Nache Le and Da Da Dasse (from Udta Punjab)
• Tu Isaq Mera (judge awayyyyy)

Laters!

Flowers From The Forgotten Past

The old man sat at the end of the lane,

Stringing flowers from sunrise to sundown.
He watched with some joy and some more pain;
His garlands and bouquets across the town.

They came at all times of the day,

In the hopes of winning their loved ones,

After all, flowers speak the language of the soul,

And he wished he had done the same, if only once.

It was only ever in the rain,

As he watched the flowers wilt unused, 

As he remembered the flower he refused,

That he felt in his heart that familiar pain.

//Looking Too Closely - Fink//